The following are one sentence observations of girls I’ve dated in the past five years sorted by their ages.
19 – Slipped me a pink pill in Club Five and flaked on the third date.
21 – She made a CD mix to play while we ate a home-cooked meal by candlelight — in her husband’s apartment.
23 – Needed zero foreplay.
24 – Smoked pot with me and cried a lot about the magic of being in love.
25 – Fingerbanged her in my car and caught her looking over her shoulder at me after we parted going in opposite directions.
26 – Loved to power shop and fuck standing up and talk about herself.
27 – Required three traditional dates (i.e.: I pay) before putting out.
28 – Argumentative.
29 – Flaky like the 19 year old, but minus the charm and flirtatious banter.
30 – Jumped straight out of bed early on a weekend morning to “accomplish things” after a night of earthshaking sex.
31 – Screwed like a man and talked aloud about the chores she had to do for the day.
32 – Lights off sex interrupted by dispassionate instructions on how to please her.
34 – Showered me with excessive flattery and trolled for same in return.
35 – Left bra on during sex.
Trends… I sees them.
