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What’s the best way to give feedback?

Eric Barker
August 14, 2012

 

Why is it so hard to give feedback without people getting angry?

It’s a status game.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

The source of the difficulty here lies in who comes up with the solution. Paulâs suggestion makes him look smarter, and Eric less smart. This impacts their relative status, which Eric is likely to fight against. The better Paulâs answer is, the more likely Eric might resist it. Itâs bizarre… Paulâs giving out suggestions also threatens Ericâs autonomy: itâs no longer Ericâs choice to follow a specific path.

So how do you get around this? Don’t give a solution, ask questions:

Eric isnât going to take action until he has an idea that fits with his own thinking. In his current over-aroused state, he quickly rejects external ideas. Given that Eric is at an impasse, Paul needs to help him find an insight to solve this problem. If Paul canât make direct suggestions, why canât he just give Eric some clues about what to think about, perhaps posing a good suggestion as a question?

If you merely guide with questions, but they come up with the solution themselves, they’re less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through:

Instead of your looking for a gap in the form of the source of another personâs problem, the other person is finding a gap in his own thinking process. Itâs not you searching for problems; itâs him searching for gaps in his thinking process. You want people to look for assumptions or decisions that donât make sense upon further reflection.

And:

The more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of âconstructive performance feedback,â and replacing it with âfacilitating positive change.â Instead of thinking about peopleâs problems and giving feedback or making suggestions, change can be facilitated faster in many instances if you think about peopleâs thinking, and help others think about their own thinking better. However, letting go of the default approach to problem-solving requires working against the way your brain wants to go,

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Post Information
Title What’s the best way to give feedback?
Author Eric Barker
Date August 14, 2012 3:11 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Blog bakadesuyo
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/bakadesuyo/whats-the-best-way-to-give-feedback.13830
https://theredarchive.com/blog/13830
Original Link https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/whats-the-best-way-to-give-feedback/
Red Pill terms in post
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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