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Is complaining about others a good way to make friends?

Eric Barker
February 23, 2012

Yes. Sharing negative feelings about a third party can increase closeness between two people:

We propose that sharing a negativeâas compared to a positiveâattitude about a third party is particularly effective in promoting closeness between people. Findings from two survey studies and an experiment support this idea. In Studies 1 and 2, participantsâ open-ended responses revealed a tendency to recall sharing with their closest friends more negative than positive attitudes about other people. Study 3 established that discovering a shared negative attitude about a target person predicted liking for a stranger more strongly than discovering a shared positive attitude (but only when attitudes were weak). Presumably, sharing negative attitudes is alluring because it establishes in-group/out-group boundaries, boosts self-esteem, and conveys highly diagnostic information about attitude holders. Despite the apparent ubiquity of this effect, participants seemed unaware of it. Instead, they asserted that sharing positive attitudes about others would be particularly effective in promoting closeness.

Source: “Interpersonal chemistry through negativity: Bonding by sharing negative attitudes about others” from Personal Relationships, Volume 13, Issue 2, pages 135â150, June 2006

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Post Information
Title Is complaining about others a good way to make friends?
Author Eric Barker
Date February 23, 2012 4:40 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Blog bakadesuyo
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/bakadesuyo/is-complaining-about-others-a-good-way-to-make.14619
https://theredarchive.com/blog/14619
Original Link https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/02/is-complaining-about-others-a-good-way-to-mak/
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