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How To Approach A Girl For The First Time

Avery
November 27, 2018

To get a better dating life, you must start approaching women. Yet, if youâre anything like I was, approaching women is so hard that it feels like you might as well not even try.

There is a clever way around this predicament: break up your goal into tiny, easily manageable steps. If youâve never approached a girl in your life, the idea of going out and meeting women can be overwhelming. But you can break down your goal of approaching women into a small goal that anyone could accomplish – and slowly increase that goal.

Think of it like weightlifting. You may have a goal to bench press 300 lbs, but if youâve spent the last 3 years sitting on the couch watching Netflix, youâre going to have to start small and build up to 300 pounds over time.

Imagine you told yourself that you should be able to lift 300 lbs the first time you go to the gym? Well, because your goal is unrealistic to your level of fitness, you would avoid going to the gym at all. Whatâs the point in going if you know youâre not going to succeed at your goal?

We do the same thing with our dating goals. We want to go out and meet women, but we know that itâs going to be really hard at first. Subconsciously, we understand that our first attempt at approaching women is not going to get us immediate results. We doubt that weâll be able to approach a girl if we go out.  Weâve spent our entire life seeing thousands of girls we wanted to approach, but we hesitated time and again.

The goal of going out to approach women is genuinely difficult. Itâs not an exaggeration to say that most men canât approach an attractive girl without the benefits of alcohol.

If your goal is to go out and approach women even though you have years of evidence suggesting that you wonât succeed in that goal, your situation is similar to wanting to lift a 300 lb weight even though youâre out of shape. The natural thing to do is to entirely avoid taking action in pursuit of your goal.

 

Whatâs the solution?

Well, if youâre out of shape but you want to bench press 300 lbs, you would start with a much smaller weight. Youâd set a goal that is realistic to your current skill level. That goal might be simply to go to the gym and find out how much weight you can bench. It might turn out that you can only bench press 80 lbs, thatâs fine, you can increase that weight slowly, every single week, until you reach your long-term goal of lifting 300 lbs.

You can apply the same strategy to approaching women. Going out and getting dates with attractive women is a significant goal. Break that goal down into steps that are manageable based on your current level of experience.

How To Approach A Girl For The First Time Part 2:Use The Power Of Momentum

If you set a small goal thatâs easy to accomplish, youâll start to build momentum and youâll be able to consistently make progress. If, on the other hand, you set a goal thatâs too large, youâll stay at home because you know the goal is unrealistic to your current skill level.

When youâre attempting to do your first approach, you should start small, very small.

Letâs get specific. I recommend that anyone who isnât regularly approaching women set a goal to go out at least 5 minutes every day. Itâs a small step, but itâs sustainable, and you can build on it over time.

The idea here is to go somewhere with a lot of women like a bar, nightclub, college campus, shopping mall, supermarket, or even a busy street for five minutes each day and to do your best to approach women.

If you go out and youâre unable to get any approaches in, you should still count that as a win because you got out of the house and tried.

If, after five minutes you want to go home, thatâs fine, you succeeded. But, if you want to keep going beyond the initial goal, donât hesitate to do so.

When youâre out, your goal is to do your best to approach women – you can open the conversation with the line, “Hey, I like your style and I wanted to say hi.”

The first approach may be extremely difficult But once you get past the first approach, each subsequent approach will be easier. And if you go out every day, approaching women will eventually become effortless. (however, if you take a few days off between sessions, your momentum will start to fade, thatâs why itâs helpful to commit to going out as consistently as possible).

Wrapping Up How To Approach A Girl For The First Time

When I implemented the strategy you just learned, it took me more than a week to be able to approach a girl at all. That week was frustrating, but it was worth it. I was finally able to move past the years of overthinking and worrying and mental masturbation. My first approach wasnât easy for me, but when I finally did it, it felt like a thousand pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

Anyone can overcome approach anxiety using the strategy I outlined in this article. However, not everyone can do it in a single day. If youâve never approached a girl in your life, youâve been building up excuse making momentum for years.

It might take you several days or even several weeks of going out and struggling to do an approach before you finally break through your anxiety. Those days might suck, but if you persist, the moment you finally break through will be incredibly satisfying.

A lot of guys have told me the moment they did their approach was one of the best moments of their entire lives.

That might sound crazy, but it makes sense if you really think about. We spend so many hours wondering what might happen if we just said, âfuck itâ and approached that attractive that girl who walked by.

Throughout our lives, we come across thousands of intriguing women we want to meet. But, if youâre like most men, you let most – if not all – of those opportunities pass you by.

Approaching a girl becomes such a big deal in our minds that when we finally do it, the sense of accomplishment is completely euphoric.

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