How To Get Laid On The First Date

 

Dates are the ideal situation for any man who hopes to have casual sex. Most- but not all- girls who go on a date with a guy in the 21^st century are open to the possibility of getting sexual (oftentimes, theyâre even disappointed if the guy doesnât make a move).

Thereâs a few reasons for this. Firstly, we donât live in the Victorian Era: the modern culture is getting progressively more sex-positive. Casual sex is a big part of todayâs cultural narrative- youâll see random hookups being promoted in everything from pop music to family-friendly sitcoms

Dates are much better than clubs for a hookup because despite the sex-positive cultural swing, girls still go out in groups, and they want to protect each other from getting axe murdered by some random guy in a club.

Additionally, the logistical situation is far more complicated in a club. The girl youâre talking to might be responsible for someone elseâs ride, she may have work in a few hours, or she may be sleeping a hotel with several other girls. Thereâs a litany of complications that make pulling more difficult.

Now, this isnât to say that you canât pull from clubs or bars, you certainly can, but itâs much easier to pull on dates- if you have a plan.

Many guys go on dates and âwing it,â they just hope for the best and see what happens. They might get a kiss goodbye, but rarely more. Leading dates towards sex isnât hard, but there are a few steps you should take to be able to consistently get the results you want.

 

A. The Mindset

She Wants to Fuck Me Until Proven Otherwise

Assume she wants to fuck you. No woman is oblivious to the fact that dating, and sex go hand in hand. If a girl agrees to go on a date with you, sheâs probably open to the possibility of having sex with you. (read this article for more on developing this mindset)

Understand, though, that she isnât going to make it too obvious that she wants to fuck you. We men would love it if girls just made it clear, by saying âWant to come over to my place and fuck?â But thatâs just not how girls act.

If you rely on obvious signs that a girl wants to fuck you, youâre going to miss out on most of your opportunities.

The Best Indicator of Interest is That Sheâs on A Date with You

As a man, as soon as you see a hot girl, youâre ready to fuck. Girls are very different, theyâre in a perpetual âmaybeâ state about sleeping with a particular guy. Most women will never risk rejection with a guy they like by making a bold move (itâs so much less risky to wait for the guy to make a move). Thatâs why most girls will do no more than make it easy for you to lead the interaction towards sex.

You have to assume the burden of the interaction. If you confidently lead the date towards sex, the girl will make it easy for you if sheâs interested.

You can overanalyze all the little signs sheâs giving you that sheâs interested or not- her eye contact, body language, if sheâs touching you etc.- or you can assume that sheâs interested because sheâs on a date with you, and lead the interaction forward until she shows hesitance.

If you assume interest, you might get rejected, but you wonât reject yourself. Truthfully, men reject themselves far more than women reject them (think about all the opportunities youâve had where a girl liked you, but you didnât pull the trigger). Pick your poison: assume women are interested and risk an awkward moment, or wait for proof that women are interested, and go without knowing what could have happened if you took a risk.

 

B. Preparation For The Date

 

Once youâve got the mindset down, your next step is to have a specific logistical plan for how youâre going to lead your dates forward.

 

Have an excuse to pull

 

Generally, when you pull, youâll make an excuse like, âLetâs watch a movie,â or, âLetâs grab a drink,â have this excuse prepared in advance. Have a bottle of wine ready at your place, have food ready to cook (it can be as simple as a frozen pizza), have a movie downloaded on your computer, or even have a checkers board ready to go. The excuse to pull doesnât have to be anything elaborate, but plan for it in advance, otherwise youâll have to think about how youâre going to pull her while youâre on the date, and this can easily backfire.

 

Choose a favorable location

 

Generally, I have dates about a mile from my place. Thereâs no reason to create difficulty for yourself by planning the date somewhere out of the way. Now, if you canât pull to your place because you live with your parents, youâre homeless, or whatever, then find out what area she lives in and plan the date somewhere close to her place.

I avoid dinner and movies because it feels too formal, and this can make the girl feel pressured. Instead, my go to is coffee. Itâs a public place so she doesnât have to worry about getting murdered (compared to inviting her to a hike or straight to your place), and itâs a very casual social environment where itâs easy to have conversation.

 

Before The Date

I always confirm my dates a couple hours before the planned meeting time. This massively reduces the risk of getting stood up. I simply text, âSee you at Epic in 2hrs 😊â or something along those lines. Nine times out of ten, sheâll respond confirming or flaking.

If she doesnât respond, I just stay at home. Then, if she does go, sheâll text me when she gets there, and Iâll just say Iâm running a few minutes late and head out then.

If Youâre There Before Her

 

If I get to the date before her, I like to call a friend and just chat. If I just sit there and wait, itâs very easy for me to get stuck in my head, but by talking to a friend Iâm able to be social, have fun, and not overthink. Plus, when she sees me, thereâs no chance itâll look like Iâve been anxiously waiting for her.\

 

C. The Beginning Of The Date

Iâve noticed a lot of girls are nervous at the beginning of a first date. If sheâs nervous, I make a point to have a very relaxed, normal conversation at first. I donât try to spike her emotions or be provocative, I just have a very unexciting conversation about her day, movies/TV, her friends and family, stuff like that.

I do this until she seems comfortable. You can (generally) tell sheâs getting comfortable by the fact that her body language will loosen up, sheâll talk in longer sentences, and sheâll make stronger eye contact.

Once sheâs comfortable, then I shift my focus to getting her aroused. Put simply, this means Iâm going to create more tension (for a complete guide for how to do this, click here).

A lot of guys seem to think the best way to get a girl emotionally aroused is to compliment her. Compliments have their place, but they can raise a girlâs defenses- she knows that people flatter her when they want something from her.

To be honest, I rarely compliment girls- I prefer it when women donât explicitly know what I think of them, because that leaves room for doubt and mystery. Girls can feel that you like her when you make strong eye contact and act with intent (link to intent article), itâs actually against your best interested to logically tell her what you feel.

Think about it, what makes us binge on Netflix? The fact that we donât know whatâs going to happen next, itâs the cliffhanger at the end of the episode, the unanswered question keeps us hooked. The same applies to dating. Itâs why mysteriousness is such an attractive trait, and a bit part of mystery is keeping your intentions somewhat concealed.

This is also where disqualification and teasing come in, these techniques help to create a sense of mystery for the girl, âDoes he like me? Does he think Iâm not sexually attractive?â and the doubt that these techniques create- when done well- will make her chase you. (Read this article for an in-depth guide on disqualification and teasing)

For the most part the girl should feel that itâs on simply because youâre there and youâre making strong eye contact. Occasionally, I make sure to give her some reason to doubt whether I like her, this is how you create the âWill they, wonât theyâ sexual tension that women canât resist.

 

D. Get Vulnerable

Vulnerability is a huge turn-on for women. One study found that emotionally vulnerable conversation combined with strong eye contact was able to make complete strangers experience feelings of deep love within 30 minutes of meeting each other.

Vulnerability doesnât mean being weak or getting emotionally overwhelmed, it means getting her to trust you because youâre sharing something real with her that you normally wouldnât tell someone you just met (and youâre getting her to do the same).

To create vulnerability, you might talk about one of your memories that had a big impact on who you are. For example, I talk about how the unexpected death of my father motivated me to make something of my life.

To be clear, I wouldnât bring this up if it still made me emotional (that could easily come off as weak). Instead, Iâm talking about what I learned from something that genuinely changed my life, itâs not uncomfortable for me, but it is still vulnerable- and thus, it helps the girl trust me, understand me, and feel a human connection with me.

Although you might not care at all if you feel a human connection with a girl before fucking her, girls care a lot. For women, sex is a much bigger commitment then it is for men (since sheâs risking pregnancy or being physically hurt), so (in most cases) she needs to trust you on a deep level before she will fuck your brains out and gargle your cock. Fortunately, if you say the right words in the right way you can make a girl deeply trust you in the course of one interaction.

You donât have to genuinely open up to create vulnerability, you just have to give her the impression that youâre opening up by talking about topics that are more emotional and meaningful than the usual surface level topics of school, jobs, pop-culture etc.

When you bring up vulnerable topics, sheâll naturally reciprocate by being vulnerable with you. When you talk about your passions, sheâll talk about her passions. When you talk about how you get frustrated with yourself for making dumb decisions, sheâll talk about how she gets frustrated with herself when she does the same, etc. etc.

Vulnerable topics include-

-Any memory that changed your life.

-Your passions

-Your fears (so long as you can do it without sounding butthurt or negative)

-The meaning of life (Do you think life has any meaning?)

-Anything that has emotional relevance to you or her.

E. Moving the date forward

 

Thereâs no reason to chat at the coffee shop (or other date location) for more than 30 minutes or so. Give her the sense that sheâs being swept off her feet by continuously moving the interaction forward, not just conversationally, but also in terms of location.

Within the first 30 minutes or so of a date Iâll simply suggest, âLetâs go on a walk,â (this has never been met with resistance). It doesnât really matter if the area youâre walking in is visually appealing, all that matters is that the two of you are going on a bit of an adventure together.

You donât have to initiate physicality while youâre walking with the girl- if thereâs sexual tension you donât need to touch her until youâre in a bedroom- but physicality can be useful in that it will give you objective feedback that the girl likes you.

If you hold a girlâs hand while walking, you can be confident that the girl is attracted to you. If youâre unsure whether the girl youâre on a date with is attracted to you, touch can be a great way to get some reassurance.

 

F. Pulling

 

While youâre walking with the girl, you can seed the pull. To do this, suggest something that would be fun to do together. For example, you might say:

You: Have you seen Black Mirror?

Her: No.

You: Really, you havenât? Itâs such a great show, you have to see it, Iâll show it to you sometime.

Her: Okay, sounds cool!

After you seed the pull, go back to normal conversation until youâre ready to pull the girl, at which point you can say something to the effect of, âYou know what, letâs go watch Black Mirror right now, itâll be fun.â

Seeding the pull usually isnât necessary, but it greases the wheels a bit because sheâs already agreed that said activity would be fun to do together.

When going for the pull, you might get resistance. If she says, âOh, I donât really have time,â this might indicate that sheâs not ready to go home with you yet, or it might mean that she really doesnât have much time.

If she gives you resistance, you can allay her concerns by saying, âOh, well I live five minutes away, and itâs just a TV show, we can watch one episode then Iâll take you home right after.â If she was on the fence about whether to go home with you, this line will most likely change her mind.

If her resistance is because she doesnât want to come home with you, the above line wonât make a difference, and thereâs no point in pressing the issue any further.

PS: Notice I recommended a TV show instead of a movie, itâs not a huge deal, but TV shows are a lot shorter than movies: itâs not as big a commitment for her to watch a show with you as it is for her to watch a movie with you.

If she agrees to watch the show, lead her to your car (or her car if you donât have one), and keep doing what you were doing. The tone of the conversation should be exactly the same as it was before the pull- youâre shooting the shit and having fun.

Some guys get quiet and awkward once they pull, this kills the vibe which can lead the girl to say, âYou know what, I should be getting home now.â Donât be that guy.

G. Closing

 

When the girl gets to my place, I offer her a drink, and afterwards I bring her to my room. My TV is in front of my bed, so I sit down on the bed and turn on the TV show. Sometimes the girl will hesitate for a moment about sitting on the bed, but simply saying, âYou can sit down,â has always been enough to change her mind.

You can start watching the TV show once your both sitting down, but you can also get straight to work by playing a song and making out with her for a bit.

Donât escalate straight to sex, before it gets too hot and heavy, press the brakes, take your attention away from her and focus on watching the TV show/movie.

I do this for a couple reasons:

1. It shows that Iâm not going to be pushy with sex, the fact that I pulled away before she did shows that Iâm not needy and that she can trust me. (So many guys get desperate when they feel like theyâre about to get laid, itâs a huge turnoff.)
2. It turns her on more, itâs a form of sexual teasing. By making out with her, Iâm getting her aroused. By backing off, Iâm making her feel like she might not get what she wants (this makes her want it that much more).

Generally, I go through this process a few times. Each time I progress a bit further until I can tell sheâs super horny, at which point Iâll start to finger her over her pants, then under, then we fuck.

 

H. Last Minute Resistance

 

If you get last minute resistance, you probably didnât make her either:

1. comfortable enough or
2. aroused enough.

I wouldnât press the issue, you might be able to convince her to let you fuck her by baby stepping, but sheâs probably not going to feel totally happy about the decision. If I get LMR I back off, and get back to watching the show. I just hold back, and give her no sexual validation in the form of touching her or kissing her or anything like that.

Thereâs a decent chance that sheâll re-initiate things by making a move on me, if this happens great, if not, itâs no big deal. I donât want to make her feel pressured to have sex, itâs not really a win-win if sheâs hesitant about it, and I know there are plenty of other women that will be happy to have sex with me on the first date.

(PS: When you back off, itâs important not to act butthurt or frustrated, that will turn her off. Instead, keep having fun and focus on how awesome it is that youâre hanging out with an attractive girl in your bedroom.)

 

Wrapping Up How To Get Laid On The First Date

 

There you have it, those are the steps I take to consistently lead my dates towards sex. Iâm not claiming that this is the end-all be all objective truth of what you should do on your dates, but I hope it gives you some ideas you can play around with.

Of course, this information is only helpful if youâre getting dates regularly, if youâre not at that point yet, you may want to check out The Trial: Transform Your Dating Life in Eight Weeks.

You can think of it as P90x for your dating life, itâs not about pickup tactics and tricks, itâs a guide to getting the dating life you want through eight weeks of action taking.