This is the next installment of the book I never published regarding my history with women and the lessons I learned from it. If you havenât yet, you should read parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, and 13 before you read the article below, so you can be up to speed on where the story picks up. Everything below is all 100% true to the best of my memory, journals, and spreadsheet records, though all the names of the people described have been changed.
We last left off about ten years ago, in January 2009, the beginning of my craziest year yetâ¦
With Selina and all of her insanity and crazy friends gone (at least for now), I started 2009 with a clean slate. I had learned so much over the past two years, both about dating and meeting new women and about maintaining ongoing relationships. For the first time ever, I felt in my bones that I actually had a full-on system for both of these things (meeting new women, and maintaining nonmonogamous relationships).
I was very excited.
I started breaking out my first dates into groups of ten. I knew that my most important number was the number of new women I had sex with per ten first dates. I tracked other numbers (response rates, date rates, and so on) but I know that the sex-per-10-dates number was the key to everything. The better this number was, the less dates I would need. Less dates meant less time spent since, while sending out openers took very little time, going on first and second dates that went nowhere did take my time. Getting that number as high as possible was my number one, all consuming goal.
As soon as January 2nd, 2009 came, I hit the dating sites hard. I mean hard. The hardest I had ever hit them. With photos I knew worked, profiles I knew worked, openers I knew worked, date pitches I knew worked, and first date systems that I knew worked, my confidence was at an all-time high. I knew that all I needed to do now was to put in the numbers, and I have no problem with a little hard work if it means I’ll get what I want.
In a decision that would later come back to bite me in the ass, I drastically cut back on all of my work hours, stopped exercising, stopped doing pretty much everything (except seeing my kids on weekends), and focused damn near 100% on my woman life.
With my now somewhat-proven systems, I blasted out hundreds of openers and did scores of follow-ups, hitting multiple dating sites every damn day, including Match.com, Zoosk, Plenty of Fish, Yahoo Personals, and a relatively new site I started using called OKCupid. Within three weeks, I had done my first block of ten first dates.
Results from these ten dates: I had sex with three new women by January 21st, two by the second date and one by the third. All three women cost me less than $21 each to get from zero to sex. I also got very sexual with two more women but couldnât get all the way to sex.
Sex with three new women in exactly 20 days. It was, at the time, a huge record-breaker and game-changer for me. I then knew, finally, that for the rest of my life, I would never need to go without sex. I could simply press a few buttons, follow my system, and get laid. I had finally accomplished my goal of getting my sex life âhandled.â What a wonderful, amazing feeling. Damn, that was such an emotionally satisfying month. It was 10 years ago and I still remember it well.
The first woman was a 19 year-old college student who, while young and fun in bed, wasnât very attractive to me. We had sex three times and we both sort of floated away from each other, which was a good thing.
The second of these women is someone Iâll call Emma. She was 25 years old, super hot, very physically fit (she ran regular marathons), nice as could be, dark red-brown hair (the best non-blonde hair I had ever seen), and we hit it off immediately. Little did I know she would become one of the longest-term and most interesting relationships in my life. She also had an IUD which immediately increased my attraction, as it always does. (If I canât get you pregnant, I automatically like you more.)
We had sex on the third date only because I didnât have enough time on the second date, which was my fault for improper planning.
Lesson Twenty-Four
Bad logistics are always YOUR FAULT. On any meetup with any woman where you expect sex to occur, you must plan out ALL logistics to ensure a smooth transition to sex. Failure to do this is always your fault, since she will never do this for you.
On the third âdateâ back at my place, we had sex three times in the same evening. Like I said, we really got along. She became an instant MLTR, and went on to become one of the longest and lowest-maintenance MLTRs Iâve ever had, though there would be an interesting hiccup later. More on that in future installments.
The third woman is someone Iâll call Darci. She was a cute, perky blonde 24 year-old college student with the kind of big boobs and big ass that I like. We had sex in her college apartment on the second date, marking one of the very rare times Iâve had first-time sex at the womanâs place instead of mine. (We were already downtown right by her place so it was just easier.) She was a Type Two VYW who preferred older men, and she was one of those women who had oral fetishes and loved giving blowjobs. Good times.
Darci went on to become a really fun, long-term FB, though she would often LSNFTE me for occasional boyfriends, which was fine. Again, more on her later.
So not only did I have sex with three new women in 20 days, but two out of the three became ongoing relationships, which was always my goal. Such a great way to start the year! And I was just getting started.
Keeping in mind the mistake I had made in the past of getting complacent once I had one or two women on rotation and then stopping all new dating efforts, I resolved to never make that mistake again. So, I kept on hitting the dating sites hard even after my successful January with Emma and Darci, with zero drop in new dating activity. I now knew that two women would not be enough for me. (As I’ve said before that two women is almost monogamy. What happens when one of them leaves? Congratulations! You’re monogamous!)
Into February and March, the new women kept on coming. Some of the more notable examples were:
– The wild 38 year-old blonde who showed up to our first date with one of her girlfriends. Nope! Next!
– The beautiful, amazing, mature, intelligent 23 year-old who had already graduated college and was already head of human resources for a major corporation. Damn. She was breathtaking in every way. Alas, I never saw her again after the first date. I was not her type.
– The short 45 year-old who squirted when she came. This was the first time I had encountered this, I had to really prepare the towels whenever we had sex, which I felt was a hassle. I know some guys are really into squirters, but not me. She didnât last very long (and it was mutual parting).
I also dated four, yes four different Russian women during this time. I wasnât sure why I was ending up with so many. Ether there was a lot of Russian women in my city, or I was attracting them. They were:
– Svetlana, a very cute and sweet 27 year-old who looked like she was 16. Didnât get very far with her. She seemed very nervous dating a non-Russian man.
– Valentina, a very traditionally-minded 29 year-old who was looking for her next husband who would take care of her (and her young son) for the rest of her life in marital bliss. Strange how all the traditional stuff went out the window when she was grinding her ass into my crotch after a drink on our second date.
– Irina, a serious bitch. She kept me waiting in the parking lot of her apartment for what seemed like forever, only to complain about everything under the sun for an hour. Next! (But she did introduce me to the squirter woman above, so at least something good came of it. Always make the best out of a bad situation.)
– Tatyana. Gorgeous, blonde, big perfect boobs, beautiful face and body. Smart and funny and very feminine. She worked at a spa and moonlighted as a mobile manicurist. She even gave me my first manicure (which I donât recommend to men; theyâre a waste of time). We went on a few dates, did a few sexual things, but I could never have sex with her. She really liked me and was attracted to me but was just too nervous about it all, likely because her last relationship was a physically abusive one (ah, Russians).
Some of these Russian women I discussed here. I had problems with all of them, but hadnât yet figured out the Russian correlation. (Sometimes Iâm a slow learner.)
Regardless, after going on so many dates and dating so many women, very clear patterns were emerging based on my meticulous spreadsheet tracking. There were many, but the ones that were interesting were:
– The younger the woman, the more likely she liked me. 18 year-olds and 25 year-olds, for example, loved me. But 40+ year-olds, not so much. I had much better sexual success with younger women (sometimes much younger women) than with older women, almost across the board.
– Asian women really liked me.
– Russian women really liked me (at least enough to really want to go out on dates with me, not necessarily enough to have sex with me quickly).
– Women with corporate jobs really liked me. I had unusually high success rates with them for some reason.
These were my target markets. With this information, I made the following changes in my dating system:
1. I started focusing on younger women, at least slightly. I didnât boycott the over-33 women yet because I hadnât yet figured out that was the key age for all this stuff. Regardless, by this time it seemed very clear to me that I could get to sex much faster the younger the woman was, even if there was an unusual age difference. I tried to focus on women under 30, ideally younger than 24, though I continued to still meet up with women over 30 and over 40; just not as many as before.
2. I gave preference to the type of women I liked. Which meant curvy, busty blondes and petite but curvy Asians (what few there were; Asian women are not curvy).
3. I also gave preference to the type of women who liked me, which meant young women, Asian women, Russian women, and women who worked in corporate jobs.
When I started doing this, my success rates shot upwards. I could schedule ten first dates whenever I wanted and reliably have sex with at least two women, usually three. A 3 out of 10 first-date-to-sex ratio! Far beyond the 1 out of 10 ratio I had in 2007 and most of 2008. I had tripled my results!
And it was only the first few months of 2009. I had a lot more successes to goâ¦
Next installment coming soon.
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