Iâve gotten a slew of emails lately from many of you guys considering marriage, both OLTR Marriage and traditional monogamous marriage. Iâve also spoken with literally hundreds of men and women over the years who became engaged or who decided they wanted to marry someone.
The problem is the reasons people use to justify getting married. In a society with 70%+ divorce rates, if I ask you, âWhy are you getting married?â you need to have a very specific, clear, valid, objective, rational reason. The standard bullshit Disney reasons people used back in the 1950s, when the divorce rate was only 8% instead of 70%, arenât going to cut it today.
To help you snap out of your daze, here are the WRONG reasons why you would marry someone. They are listed in no particular order.
1. You donât marry someone because you love them.
I get this one from women all the time. âWhy are you getting married?â âBecause weâre really in love!â
Buzz! Wrong. Being in love is not a valid reason to get married. Being in love is a reason to date someone, be serious with someone, and perhaps live with someone. Maybe. Being in love is not a reason to marry someone. Much or all of that âloveâ you feel is actually NRE and this shit will fade fast once you two get married. Moreover, you can be totally in love with someone and not be married. I know thatâs a shock.
2. You donât marry someone because theyâre better than everyone else youâve dated in the past.
This is the bullshit reason men often use. They drone on and on about how sheâs Not Like The Restâ¢. I donât give a fuck. Thatâs not a reason to marry someone. If the only reason youâre marrying a woman is because sheâs the best you got so far, A) youâre not providing enough reasons to get married and B) you probably havenât dated enough people yet.
3. You donât marry someone because the sex is amazing.
Look dude, I get it. I have had several MLTRs and FBs in the past who were so amazing in bed that I could have sworn my mind had left my body during sex several times. Thatâs great. But few or none of those women would have been good people to marry.
If someone is good in bed, that’s great! Keep having sex with them under an FB or MLTR relationship. But for fuckâs sake, donât marry them. You should never, never marry someone just for sexual reasons, and if you do, youâre a fuckinâ idiot.
4. You donât marry someone just because theyâre the first person youâve had sex with.
Some more right-wing or traditional people do this. Because of wildly outdated Societal Programming, they think they âneedâ to marry the person who deflowered them.
I shouldnât have to explain why this is a terrible idea. You need to have sex with many more people first, in order to know what you like and what you donât like. And just like with #3 above, you never marry someone just for sexual reasons. Thatâs insane.
5. You donât marry a woman just because you were stupid and got her pregnant.
In many ways, this is an extension of the rule you donât marry someone just for sexual reasons.
Shotgun marriages donât work. Youâll just end up divorced. In those kinds of situations, adding legal marriage to the mix just makes everything worse. Pay the stupid child support, be the best dad you can to the child, and move on. You donât need some kind of marriage, relationship, or even sexual relationship with the mother. Her sex life / love life is her problem.
I have personally seen numerous divorces with couples who got married because of a baby-oops. Just because thereâs a baby involved doesnât mean the marriage will work. One has nothing to do with the other.
6. You donât get married because youâre lonely.
In my primary book, I talk about one of the Six Societal Values called Not Being Alone. If youâre lonely, you need to first learn how to be alone and enjoy it before you get married. Getting married because youâre lonely is putting the cart before the horse. It actually works the other way around. If you donât have the ability to be alone and happy, you will never be able to make a marriage work. Your neediness and scarcity mentality will damage your marriage and all kinds of problems will manifest.
