Iâve talked a great deal about how to avoid drama from women in relationships. Most of my relationship management techniques are, in fact, various ways of avoiding drama from women that most men in normal monogamous relationships and marriages put up with their entire lives.
However, we canât neglect the other side of the equation, which is you.
But before I start kicking your ass, letâs back up for a minute. Per my glossary, drama has a very specific definition when I use the term, which is:
Drama â Any harsh negative actions directed from a woman to man where the man is the target of said negativity. Screaming, nagging, complaining, arguing, demands, crying âat you,â threats, ultimatums, the âsilent treatment,â refusing sex because of non-medical reasons, all of these things are drama, and there are many others. Drama is not âanything negative.â Specifically, it must be harsh (sweetly lying would not be considered drama) and focused at the man (angrily complaining about her boss at work would not be considered drama). Drama is a female trait. (Men have guy-drama.)
Thatâs right. Drama is a female trait, one Iâve talked about a lot on this blog and in my books. However, there is a different type of drama, one created by men. This is called guy drama. Itâs definition is this:
Guy-Drama â A particular form of drama directed from a man to a woman. Unlike drama, which is feminine and takes many forms, guy-drama usually takes the form of a lecture issued in order to correct behavior. âSetting her straight,â âstraightening her out,â âlaying down the law,â commands to ârespectâ him, or issuing ârulesâ are all forms of guy-drama. Guy-drama is extremely ineffective at managing a relationship. It simply creates more drama, or at best, simply delays (instead of preventing) future drama.
What men often forget is that guy drama is still drama. Guy drama is your fault. Often normal (feminine) drama is a direct result of guy drama which you instigated, which again, is your fault.
Iâm about to tell you how to avoid guy drama in your life, but as always, I need to state for the record that if youâre a Hispanic or committed Alpha Male 1.0 and therefore like or donât mind drama, or if you are a super pussy beta male and think putting up with drama is âworth itâ in order to maintain your oneitis relationship, you are going to disagree with just about everything Iâm about to say. If thatâs you, feel free to ignore all of my advice and proceed to lecture your wife/GF about everything and experience all the usual conflict that arises. The Alpha Male 2.0 follows a different path.
Guy drama is a direct result of outcome dependence. Outcome independence is a core Alpha 2.0 trait. Not giving a shit not only makes you more attractive to women (and on some levels, men as well), but it also allows you to live a much happier life. The less you give a shit, particularly about the details of life (someone being six minutes late to an appointment) and about the things you canât control (like political solutions trying to save the already doomed Western civilization), the more happy you will be, and the more consistent your feelings of happiness and peace you will experience.
In terms of your romantic and/or sexual relationships with women, the more you are outcome dependent, the more you give a shit about what she does or does not do, the more likely you are to instigate guy drama. When she does something you donât approve of, even if itâs minor (and most things women do you donât approve of will be minor) youâre going to stop whatever youâre doing and correct her in some way.
This correction is done in either a mild way or an intense way.
Mild Guy Drama
Mild guy drama is usually issued in the form of a question that is essentially, âWhy the hell are you doing that? Donât do that! You should do this instead!â All men, myself included, are guilty of doing this from time to time, and the more serious the relationship, the more often you will be compelled to do it.
Men are fixers. Men take pleasure fixing something we see as wrong. Women, god bless them, are all kinds of wrong. So as the man in her life, youâre going to happily and heroically butt your big fat nose into her business and try to âfixâ her whenever you see her do something wrong or inappropriate. Which, of course, will be all the fucking time.
Youâll do this so often and so mildly that you may not even be aware of it. As a perfect example, a few weeks ago I was helping Pink Firefly with a problem she was having on her computer (computers are hyper-masculine systems, therefore men love computers and love to work on them and to fix problems with them). Looking over her shoulder, I directed her to minimize some windows. Then I saw her Windows desktop. Like most people, the entire screen was full of icons.
Iâm an anal INTJ and time management expert, what do you think my brain said when it saw all this organizational chaos?
I laughed out loud and said to her, âWhy the hell do you have all these icons all over your desktop? How do you even find anything? You need toâ¦â Then, boom. I stopped myself. I was about to give her some computer productivity advice and all kinds of other guy-logic. Yet, as the words fell out of my mouth, I realized I was throwing her some mild guy drama. This was during a time a few weeks ago where I was trying my best to be aware of doing this and bringing it to a minimum, adjusting for her recent move-in.
She made an irritated sound, and I immediately stopped myself, and in a kind, loving voice, I said, âActually, never mind. Donât worry about it.â I instantly put it out of my mind, forever, and proceeded to fix the problem she needed help with.
Who gives a shit how a woman arranges her icons on her fucking computer? Not an Alpha 2.0. Is this important to me? No. Is this worth me taking the time to correct her? No. Is this worth creating drama between us? No.
A huge percentage of a woman’s day-to-day actions, when you date her in any context, will fall into this category.
- Does it really matter if she was six minutes late to your date/meet?
- Does it really matter if she has Facebook drama with one of her girlfriends?
- Does it really matter if she ordered a nacho when you ordered a salad?
- If youâre a father with an ex-wife, does it really matter she didnât put the coat on your kid that you would have used?
These things donât matter. Not if you want to be happy.
Intense Guy Drama
Intense guy drama is the typical guy drama I usually talk about, including in the definition. This is when she does something that pisses you off, your ego gets bruised, you feel disrespected, then your inner Alpha Male 1.0 takes over. You puff out your chest like a barnyard rooster and start lecturing her like a stern college professor about how her behavior is completely unacceptable and that she needs to shape up and start acting like a lady, or nicer, or more submissive, or whatever.
Unless you have an unusually submissive woman on your hands, she, of course, screams back at you with modern-day Strong Independent Woman⢠rhetoric about how you Canât Tell Her What To Doâ¢. Then you respond with more guy drama, she responds with more feminine drama, and now you’re swimming in drama. Good job. Hope you like it.
Alpha Male 1.0âs, and men with these kinds of tendencies, live in a fantasy world where if a man commands a modern-day Western woman to do or not do something in a strong way, she will immediately bow to him while saying âyes, masterâ and follow his orders like a good little soldier.
The reality is that even Submissives are going to get all kinds of upset at this kind of behavior. And again, the more serious the relationship, the more likely this is to be true. The amount of women in the modern-day Western world who will actually submit to your guy drama like a compliant slave is around 5% (and many of these women have deep-seated emotional problems that will likely come around to bite you in the ass later).
All the rest are going to fight back to some degree, and then you have drama on your hands.
Even worse, some more submissive women will acquiesce to you in the moment, but will start building internal resentment. One day, theyâll dump/divorce you right out of the blue, or theyâll cheat on you and have sex with a man like me. Iâve had sex with many submissive women cheating on their domineering, controlling Alpha Male 1.0 boyfriends. Many.
When Should You Care?
If Iâm telling you to stop giving a shit so you can stop giving women guy drama, the question arises as to when you should care. When should you actually tell a woman to stop or start doing something?
In terms of telling her to start doing something, never do this. The Alpha Male 2.0 never tells anyone what to do, but he can state preferences. This is a core difference between the 1.0 and the 2.0.
For example, the Alpha 1.0 would say, âNext time we meet up, you need to wear a skirt and a sexy tank top. Send me a pic before you leave your house so I can make sure itâs something I like.â
The Alpha 2.0 would instead say, âI really like girls who wear skirts and sexy tank tops. That fuckinâ turns me on. But hey, you dress however you want.â She should already know by that point that youâre having sex with other women, and the EFA should be clear that if your other girls dress sexy and she does not, she might miss out, because youâll be spending your limited time with them instead of her. The Alpha 1.0 is usually monogamous, so he canât do any of this. He just has to order a woman around and hope that she’ll comply forever (which, of course, she will not).
Is it possible she wonât do what you want? Sure. If thatâs the case, you know what to do; spend more time with your other women who dress the way that turns you on. Very simple. No orders needed, and no drama as a result.
In terms of telling her to stop doing something you donât like, it depends on the severity. If what sheâs doing is drama (which is not the result of your guy drama), then you should soft next her ass. No guy drama needed. Just vanish and follow the usual procedure.
If sheâs doing something you donât like that is minor, and not drama, the only issue is if itâs a one time thing or a pattern of behavior.
If itâs a one time thing, completely ignore it. I do.
If itâs a pattern of behavior, you either ignore it and accept it (particularly if sheâs a FB or low-end MLTR) or you can tell her something like this: âHey, you can do whatever you want, but I have to be choosy about who I spend my time with because Iâm a busy guy. If you keep doing X, thatâs fine with me, but I wonât be spending as much time with you.â
About 85% of the time with FBâs and MLTRâs, I just accept it, and downgrade her if needed. Only rarely do I tell a woman the above. Iâm outcome independent, and there are thousands of women in my city. I can always go get another one.
In an OLTR, you can gently tell her that you donât like X or Y, and hopefully you have already built a relationship where relationship harmony is important to her, and that sheâll be flexible. If sheâs not, you probably screwed up and should have never made her your OLTR in the first place.
Guy drama is a big topic and I have a lot more to say about it, but this article is long enough. I will continue this topic in future articles.
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