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Managing Your Nonmonogamous Relationships In Social Environments

BlackDragon
July 20, 2017

Today Iâm going to address one of the most common questions you guys ask me about nonmonogamous relationships; those addressing how to handle them in social situations. What should you call her when you go to a party or meet your friends? What do you put on your Facebook page? What if people give her a hard time about what sheâs doing with you? These are all valid questions, and weâll address them all today.

As usual, when I talk about nonmonogamous relationships, Iâm specifically talking about the three types: FBâs, MLTRâs or an OLTR. Click on those respective links for definitions if you have never heard those terms before.

You donât need to worry about the social aspect for FBâs, since FBâs should not be going to parties with you or meeting your friends and family in the first place. FBâs are friends with benefits. They are not women youâre actually dating. She comes over to your place, or you go to her place, you talk for a bit, you have sex, and thatâs it. There is no going out with a FB, ever. If you do, you are violating the rules of these relationship structures and youâre asking for all kinds of drama, conflict, and hurt feelings down the road.

MLTRâs are when things get complicated. These are indeed women youâre dating (nonmonogamously, of course, since you can have multiple MLTR‘s) and they can indeed meet your friends. They should not meet your family unless sheâs your primary, favorite, high-end MLTR.

OLTR, surprisingly, is where this stuff is actually pretty easy. While OLTRâs take more work and effort than MLTRâs, having an OLTR meet your friends and family is pretty easy. Sheâs your girlfriend or your wife, and thatâs it. OLTRâs look and feel much more societally acceptable than MLTRâs in the eyes of normal people, so if she acts like your wife/girlfriend and thatâs how you identify her, youâre not going to get very many questions from others.

So what weâre really talking about here today is MLTRâs. OLTR is not really a problem in this particular area and FBâs shouldnât be involved in your social life at all. If any confusion or awkwardness is to arise, itâs likely with your MLTRâs only (unless youâre doing something very wrong with your FBâs or OLTR).

What To Call Her In Social Situations

One of the most common questions I get about this usually goes something like this:

Hey BD, when me and one of my MLTRâs goes out to a party, or goes and meets my friends (or hers), and people ask âwhat she is,â how do I respond? What do I call her? How do I identify her to others in my social or family circles? How do I respond to her when she asks who she is?

Itâs important to understand that normal, monogamous people have this exact same problem. Letâs say youâre the typical monogamous person and you start dating a new girl. Youâve only been seeing each other for a few weeks. You two go out one evening with some of your friends. One of them asks you âwho she is,â or perhaps even she asks you, âSo who shall I say I am?â

See? Same problem. Youâre both a little confused. As Iâve talked about before, societal nomenclature around these topics is stupidly only designed for the people at the two extremes of completely single or who have very serious partners. Itâs silly, but thatâs how it is.

The answer to the above question is the same answer for monogamous people. The answer is sheâs a âwoman Iâm dating.â Thatâs it. An MLTR is a âwoman youâre dating.â âHey Joe! So is this your girlfriend? Or friend?â Sheâs a âwoman Iâm dating.â

Thatâs it. Itâs both concise and accurate. Donât get into a big discussion about it. Most people will just nod and move on.

What if she doesnât like that term âwoman youâre dating?â Just shrug and ask her what she would prefer. I honestly donât care what I identify an MLTR as long as itâs the truth. If she wants you to identify her as your âgirlfriend,â that would be lying (as well as an extremely dangerous boyfriend behavior), so obviously youâre not going to do that. But beyond that, call her whatever she wants to be called if âwoman youâre datingâ isnât to her liking. It doesnât really matter. (Even “friend” can be accurate.)

You donât introduce her as a âwoman youâre dating.â Just introduce her using her name. Only do the âwoman youâre datingâ or âweâre datingâ thing if directly asked.

Obviously, if sheâs your OLTR, then sheâs your girlfriend, so thatâs easy. (Just remember that no woman should be your OLTR until sheâs been in your dating life for at least six months and has been low-drama and low-jealousy the entire time and sheâs survived The Talk. It took a year and a half of dating Pink Firefly before she became my OLTR. It took my last serious relationship even longer than that.)

How To Deal With Social Media

It has always been my strong advice that you always keep your relationship status blank and hidden on your Facebook page. People who put âIn A Relationshipâ on their social media profiles are just asking for trouble, drama, and awkward questions, particularly when the relationship ends, which it will. Not to mention when other new women youâre trying to bring into your sex life see your relationship status and get confused, or even angry. Putting your relationship status on your Facebook page, even if itâs âSingle,â is literally a no-win scenario for the Alpha Male 2.0. On my personal Facebook page, my relationship status has been blank and hidden for literally the entire time I’ve been on Facebook (almost ten years), and Iâve never had a problem because of it.

The one possible exception to this is if you are actually living with a woman under an OLTR Marriage and you indentify her as your wife. I guess you could put âMarriedâ if you really want to, but I still would not do this. Itâs no oneâs fucking business what your relationship status is; thatâs a deeply personal matter, but I acknowledge this is an old and outdated way of thinking in our new social media-dominated world.

As Iâve talked about in my books, if youâre in sarging mode and building a roster of MLTRâs and FBâs, itâs a good idea to see activity on your Facebook page that involves other women. You donât want women being too blatant on your page. âHey Joe! I had a really great time with you on our date last night! Canât wait to see you again!â That would be too much. But you do want women (ideally attractive women) commenting or liking your posts and pictures. This is fantastic EFA and frame setting for FBâs and MLTRâs alike, without you rubbing it in their faces.

You can even have pics with you and women at various social events, particularly if youâre a younger guy (under the age of about 28 or so). What you donât want is sappy, beta male, âserious looking,â lovey-dovey pics with you and a sweetheart. (The only exception to this is if you have a very long-term, proven OLTR and youâve got plenty of long-term FBâs on the side to last you many years. And shit, even then, keep that beta crap to a minimum.)

Defending Her

What about defending her against people who find out she and you are in a nonmonogamous relationship? A lot of you seem concerned about defending your MLTRâs (and/or possibility an OLTR) against things like haters, harassment, and shaming language if the âword gets outâ about the sexual nature of your relationship.

I have a decade of experience working with women in serious and semi-serious relationships with me managing this kind of problem. Hereâs what I can tell you…

It is almost never as bad as you expect. A lot of guys are really worried about this, but the reality is that it either wonât happen at all, or will only happen with people she already doesnât like very much. Only on rare occasions does it actually get bad enough where it really concerns her or hurts her feelings. So donât stress too much about this.

As talked about a few weeks ago, people are getting much more accustomed to nonmonogamous relationships now than they were just ten years ago. Ten years ago, if a woman told her girlfriend, sister, or mother that the guy sheâs dating is openly having sex with other women, youâd almost always get a horrified reaction and an immediate demand to drop the bastard immediately. Today, this still happens occasionally, but quite often, women react in a more neutral manner like âWell, that must be hard, but at least heâs being honest. Youâve got to give him that.â Or, âWell, yeah, Amber has an open relationship with her boyfriend. I would never do that, but she seems okay with it.â

So again, donât worry. Itâs not going to be as bad as many of you seem to fear.

The first person a woman tells about her new nonmonogamous relationship is usually her best girlfriend. The second person she tells is usually her mom. These are the two people youâll have to ârespondâ to if they give her any negativity. Girlfriendâs reaction will be neutral to negative, momâs will usually be negative. The good news is that mom has likely been divorced and or cheated on by men multiple times, and her daughter is well aware of it. As always, monogamy doesnât work, and monogamy and traditional marriage in the Western world has become so thoroughly damaged that even the most pro-monogamy people canât deny that anymore. The fact that your new MLTR literally has women all around her who have been cheated on, broken up, and divorced gives you more ammo for your side than anything you could possibly say.

In terms of being a white knight and âdefendingâ your MLTR, donât do it. If you get involved, youâll just make the entire scenario worse. Instead, itâs better to âcoachâ your MLTR (or in some cases, OLTR) on what to say or not say when people flip them shit about this.

Hereâs what Iâve told MLTRâs in the past on what to do, say, or think in these situations:

1. Donât try to argue with the person or change the personâs mind. Just roll your eyes and move on.

2. Remember that the odds are almost 100% that the person attacking you for the nonmonogamous relationship you have has had monogamy fail, and fail badly, in their lives multiple times⦠cheating, drama, breakups, divorces, etc. This person is therefore not qualified to give relationship advice, or even opinions.

Seriously, one of the biggest problems women have is that whenever they need relationship advice, they ask their girlfriends, moms, or sisters, all of whom have had a long trail of horrible, failed relationships. Then why the fuck are you asking them for relationship advice?!? Women, even very intelligent women, never seem to consider the source for their relationship advice. It’s simply amazing. (This is one of the things men do much better than women.)

3. Look how happy this person is in his/her current relationship or past relationships. Are they really happy? (Usually they are not.) Then who cares what they think?

4. Remind the person that you are allowed to go have sex with other men if you want. If the person attacking you is a woman, ask her if she is allowed to do that with her current boyfriend or husband. (Note: This only applies to women under 33. Women over 33 will usually lie and say that they will literally never want to fuck anyone else, which of course is biologically impossible unless she literally doesnât have sex at all.)

Women also tend to assume that “open relationship” means the man can have sex with other women but the woman isn’t allowed to have sex with other men. Make sure the woman attacking you doesn’t assume this. Alpha Male 2.0‘s are extremely rare in society, so it’s unlikely a woman bitching about “open relationships” has ever seen or experienced such a man before.

5. If the person attacking them is someone they already donât really like, terminate the conversation with them, block their number on your phone, and block them on social media. Why maintain such a relationship at all? I certainly donât.

6. If the person attacking them is someone they do like or respect, remind her (your MLTR) that this person is just trying to look out for you and that they can only give advice based on their own (usually false) Societal Programming and experiences. If theyâve never had a nonmonogamous relationship, they’ve never had experience with such a thing.

Thatâs about it. Thereâs more to be said about all this, but the above scenarios will cover 80% or more of the issues or questions you may have about this topic.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Caleb Jones.

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Post Information
Title Managing Your Nonmonogamous Relationships In Social Environments
Author BlackDragon
Date July 20, 2017 12:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/managing-your-nonmonogamous-relationships-in.22995
https://theredarchive.com/blog/22995
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2017/07/20/managing-nonmonogamous-relationships-social-environments/
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