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How to Deal With Shaming Language from Family and Friends

BlackDragon
April 6, 2017

I have received more email questions on this topic than probably any other lifestyle issue. Seriously, I get a lot of emails from you guys about this.

Youâre living the Alpha Male 2.0 life and having a great time. Then your friend, mom, sister-in-law, or some other person in your life starts flipping you shit about how you need to buckle down, get monogamous, stop traveling, get a “real job,” get legally married, “grow up,” etc, and be a normal, mediocre, unhappy person just like everyone else. Snide comments and/or veiled insults often accompany this.

He or she is in your family or social circle, so you canât just tell these people to fuck off (although there are times you can, and should; more on this in a minute). What do you say? What do you do?

Today, Iâll give you some common examples of shaming language you may receive from your friends and family members when they see you smiling and happy and living the Alpha 2.0 good life, and how best to deal with them. These are all real examples that I have either seen in real life or that many of you have reported to me.

Before we get into specific scenarios, we need to make a key differentiation between shaming language and drama.

Shaming language is a casual, though challenging statement that attempts to make you look bad because youâre not behaving in the traditional, Societal Programming way. Drama, as I clearly defined here, is harsh negativity directed at you.

Shaming language is when your sister-in-law implies that youâre being immature because you wonât get legally and monogamously married like she did to your beta male brother. Drama is your mom screaming at you and calling you a loser. Thereâs a difference and it’s important you don’t confuse or conflate the two.

Shaming language requires you to either address it strongly and move on, or ignore it and move on. Drama is more serious and requires a soft next. For friends or family members giving you drama, there is no discussion or response needed; you just need to soft next their asses. Read this article here about exactly how to temporarily soft next your family members, and consider that article as a companion to this one.

Shaming language does not require soft nexting. However, there may be rare times where shaming language escalates to drama, thus requiring a soft next. Frankly, if this happens, itâs likely your fault, since you gave the shaming language too much attention.

You Wonât Change Their Minds

The one thing to keep in mind during all of this is that itâs extremely unlikely that youâre going to change anyoneâs minds, regardless of how right you are and how many facts are on your side. If youâve ever debated a right-winger on abortion or gay marriage, or a left-winger on unions or race, you already know what Iâm talking about. As Iâve described publicly, in some form or fashion, for over 20 years, people come to their strongly held opinions not from objectivity, rationality, facts, or logic. Instead, people formulate their options mostly because of false Societal Programming and their feelings.

Feelings are great. I have positive feelings all the time. I strongly recommend them. But feelings are not a good way to form opinions around which to base your life. Thatâs a recipe for disaster at best, up-and-down happiness at worst.

Worse, when someone has strong, irrational feelings backing up their opinions, presenting facts to them not only doesnât change their mind, but it actually makes them angrier. Those of you who have read my stuff for a long time have seen this happen in comments on blogs and forums many times. Iâll present a slew of facts and statistics, and in return Iâll get personal attacks. Feelings always trump facts. I wish human beings behaved differently than this, but thatâs the reality.

I first learned this way back when I was in a traditional marriage. The wife would get upset at me about something, Iâd calmly refute her point with facts that proved her wrong, and she would get more upset, not less upset. This was very confusing to me at the time until I figured out what was going on; you canât debate someone whose options are not rational.

So when your buddy says youâre immature for dating three women at a time (even though youâre not lying to any of them), or when your over-33 sister subtly implies youâre disgusting because you recently had sex with a woman 17 years younger than you (even though sheâs a legal adult and really likes you), donât try to convince these people that youâre right and theyâre wrong. They are not experiencing rational thoughts, so getting them to change their mind is impossible (at least at that moment). You can and often should respond to them, but donât try to convince them. Thatâs a waste of your time.

The Three Ways To Respond

With all that being said, there are three different ways to respond to shaming language. As to which to use, that depends on the person doing it, the particular scenario, your personality, and your level of confidence and outcome independence. These methods are a logical response, a sarcastic response, or a mitigation response. Again, the particular scenario and your personality will determine which method to use.

For example, if youâre a more confident guy, you might use the sarcastic method. However, if this conversation is happening over a dinner table with lots of other family members listening, the sarcastic method may not be appropriate, so you may want to go logical or mitigation instead. (Although, if youâre very outcome independent like me, you may just go with the sarcastic method anyways. Again, adjust for your own personality and each scenario.)

I also donât recommend that you use these responses verbatim. Use the vibe and tone of these responses, but use your own words. The more authentic the response is, the more effective it will be.

Okay, here are some examples:

âFighting/arguing is healthy.â

Logical Response: Not according to doctors. Iâll take their opinion over yours, thanks. And feel free to Google this if you donât believe me.

Sarcastic Response: Well then, shit, you must have the healthiest relationship in the world. Should I ask your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend how happy he/she is in your âhealthyâ relationship where you guys regularly fight?

Mitigation Response: Fighting is healthy. Right. Oooookay. <big smile>

âYouâre a man-whore/man-slut/player!â

Logical Response: I never lie to anyone, never hide anything, treat any woman I date with great respect, and use condoms. Youâre going to have to be more specific about why thatâs bad.

Sarcastic Response: <huge smile> Fuck yeah, itâs great! Itâs okay if youâre jealous. (Or that your husband/boyfriend is.)

Mitigation Response: I donât attack you for your lifestyle choices. Letâs just move on.

âYouâre immature. You need to grow up.â

Logical Response: I make decent money, pay my own bills, take care of my health, and Iâm happier than probably anyone else you know. Iâm one of the most adult people you’ve ever met.

Sarcastic Response: Grow up? You mean take orders from a woman like you do? (Or give orders to a submissive man like you do?) Oh, that sounds GREAT! Where do I sign up?!? Hey everybody! I want to “grow up” and be a pussy like Joe here! Where do I sign up for that?

Mitigation Response: Someday when Iâm older, Iâll probably settle down, just not the way you would. So I wouldnât worry about it.

âIf you really cared about me/her, youâd be jealous.â

Logical Response: If the guy had a bigger cock than me, and had six pack abs, and was better looking than me, and made more money than me, and was older than me, and was smarter than me, and was less needy than me, then yeah, Iâd probably be jealous. For some reason, Iâm not worried. <smile>

Sarcastic Response: <snort> Why? <look at him/her like they just said the dumbest thing in the world>

Mitigation Response: I do care about her; just because I donât feel the same negative feelings as you doesnât mean that I donât care. Youâre just going to have to accept that not everyone feels things just like you.

âYou have commitment issues/youâre a commitment-phobe.â

Logical Response: The actual divorce risk for people getting married today is around 70%. Cheating, men and women both, is at an all time, historic high. Marital dissatisfaction is also at an all time, historic high. Feel free to Google this stuff if you donât believe me (coughblackdragonblogcough). You wear a seatbelt when you drive… does that mean youâre an âaccident-phobe?â Or are you just being prudent based on real-world realities?

Sarcastic Response: I love commitment! But the thing about having one woman control whenever I do or donât have sex… yeah, not so much.

Mitigation Response: Someday when Iâm older, Iâll probably settle down, just not the way you would. So I wouldnât worry about it.

âOur relationship is 50/50.â

Logical Response: 50/50 relationships are a myth. One person always has more authority over the other, at least to some degree, even if itâs a 60/40 relationship. I know one of you has more power than the other, and since you are the one declaring to everyone that itâs â50/50,â then itâs probably you.

Sarcastic Response: Your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend tells you what to do 50% of the time and you obey? Really? <shocked expression>

Mitigation Response: Okay.

âWhatâs wrong with a woman telling a man what to do? It shows love and respect.â

Logical Response: Maybe because slavery was outlawed in 1865. And maybe I prefer my balls attached.

Sarcastic Response: Okay, then whatâs wrong with a man telling a woman what to do? It shows love and respect. <big smile>

Mitigation Response: Love and respect are very important; I just have a different view of those things than you do.

âReal men get married.â

Logical Response: If this was 1952, yes. But today, the actual divorce risk for people getting married is around 70%. Cheating, men and women both, is at an all time, historic high. Marital dissatisfaction is also at an all time, historic high. Feel free to Google this stuff if you donât believe me (coughblackdragonblogcough). Today, real men take careful steps to protect their hard-earned finances and children from the modern-day realities.

Sarcastic Response: Yeah, and most of you âreal menâ get divorced too. No thanks.

Mitigation Response: Someday when Iâm older, Iâll probably settle down, just not the way you would. So I wouldnât worry about it.

âYou disrespect women.â

Logical Response: I never lie to anyone, never hide anything, treat any woman I date with great respect, and use condoms. Youâre going to have to be more specific about how I disrespect anyone.

Sarcastic Response: Yes, yes. Making women regularly orgasm is very disrespectful.

Mitigation Response: You know Iâm a good person, but if you actually think I disrespect women, weâll have to agree to disagree.

Those are just a few examples, but I think they give you a good idea on how to handle these kinds of things. The bottom line is to never be daunted by normal people living their mediocre, unhappy lives trying to make you into them. Youâre not like them. Be thankful for it.

TheRedArchive is an archive of Red Pill content, including various subreddits and blogs. This post has been archived from the blog Caleb Jones.

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Post Information
Title How to Deal With Shaming Language from Family and Friends
Author BlackDragon
Date April 6, 2017 12:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/how-to-deal-with-shaming-language-from-family-and.23021
https://theredarchive.com/blog/23021
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2017/04/06/deal-shaming-language-family-friends/
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