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Connecting With A Younger Woman. Or Not.

BlackDragon
November 3, 2016

Whenever the topic of dating a much younger woman is discussed, often this question is brought up by a certain percentage of older men:

So If Iâm in my late 30s or 40s (or older!), and Iâm on a date with a 19 year-old or 21 year-old, how do you connect with a woman that young? I understand the physical attraction, but what if you canât connect, despite a mutual attraction, possibly because she’s so…young. Or dumb. Or just too different. How do you even maintain normal banter? How do you not get bored? How do you not get turned off?

This reminds me of the very first time I had a first date with a much younger woman. Iâve relayed aspects of it before (either on this blog or in one of my ebooks, I donât honestly remember) but have never told the whole story.

It was over eight years ago, around early 2008. I was still somewhat new at all this, and it was the first time I finally got the balls to start messaging much younger women online. During the prior year I was dating women primarily in their 40s, 30s and very late 20s. I figured that if I messaged women in their late (legal) teens or early 20s, they would just call me a creeper and vanish. It was true that my response rate suddenly plummeted, but a few Type 2 VYW responded to me, quite enthusiastically.

Not yet having my online dating system fully developed yet, I fumbled through it as best I could, and finally got one of these girls to agree to a first date at a local Starbucks. Her pics were cute but not super hot, but I didnât care. I considered it an experiment to see if A) I was attracted enough to actually want to have sex with a woman that young and B) if a woman that young was interested in having sex with me. I was about 36 at the time; she was 20, essentially still a teenager.

When we met up at the Starbucks, I was shocked to see that she was way better looking in real life than her pics indicated (which was a common occurrence back in the days when I used to hit online dating really hard). Though she wasnât blonde or short, which are my two favorite traits, the rest of her was smokinâ. Perfect beautiful face. Young, perfect, tan skin. Long, light brown hair. Trim, fit body. Big perky boobs. The works.

So being physically attracted to her was easy. More so than I thought, as youâll see in a little bit.

Then she opened her mouth and started talking.

Oh shit.

For the first few minutes everything was fine. We talked about her mom and her best friend. I was getting pretty good at first dates by then, and knew that the more she talked and the less I talked, the higher my odds of fast sex would be. So I just kept her talking about whatever she wanted to talk about.

Soon, the topic of her mom and friends morphed into a detailed conversation (mostly on her part) about…wait for it…her hair. Coloring it. Maintaining it. Shampoo and conditioner. She went on and on about this crap, literally for at least 20 minutes. I couldnât stand it, but I knew I had to keep her talking, so I just kept her going, which was easy. It was just…stupid. I couldnât deny the physical attraction though. She was super hot and I got a little turned on even as she was talking about her conditioner.

Eventually we wrapped up the date, keeping it to one hour as per my dating model, and went our separate ways. I remember walking out of that Starbucks, shaking my head. I was a grown man, a business owner, and father of two. What the hell was I doing? Her stupid conversation about her hair reinforced my false Societal Programming about dating someone âtoo young.â

But then something very interesting happened. I drove home to my apartment (I was still living in an apartment way back then since I was still going through my divorce), parked, walked into my home, and immediately a huge wave of monstrous, caveman like horniness overtook me.

Iâve always been a high sex drive guy, but this was different. I had never experienced anything like it before. It was a massive, sudden surge of sexual desire. It hit me like a truck. I suddenly felt so horny I literally stood in my living room for a few moments, my eyes squinted, trying to figure out what was happening inside my body, and why. I was so randy I was ready to fuck my couch. I didnât understand what the hell was going on.

Today, I know exactly what was happening. We men, of all ages, are biologically hard-wired to be sexually attracted to very young women at prime child bearing ages, meaning mid to late teens and early 20s. This reality is offensive in left-wing cultures that used to be puritanical, such as the US and Canada, but biological facts are facts. As Iâve pointed out many times, a particular culture’s discomfort with something doesnât mean it doesnât exist.

Theyâve even done studies, several of which I discuss in my book, where they took old married men, measured their testosterone levels, then had these guys have a nice conversation with a flirty, hot teenage girl for just 20 minutes, and measured their testosterone again. This resulted in an average increase of 14% in testosterone blood content levels. In just 20 minutes.

Trust me, as someone on TRT, if your testosterone shots up 14% in just 20 minutes, youâd feel it. This is what happened to me so many years ago. Not only was I talking to a hot young woman, but I was talking to one on a date with the intention of (maybe) having sex with me. That was many years ago and today Iâm accustomed to this feeling, but back then, as a recovering beta male, getting punched in the face with this level of instant horniness was as intense as it was unexpected.

Little Ms. Shampoo and I never had sex. I screwed up the second date pitch and waited too long. I would have to wait a few more months before having sex with my first much younger woman, an 18 year-old (who I will probably talk about in a future My History With Women installment). But Iâll never forget the lessons I learned that day.

Which brings me to my first and primary point. When youâre an older guy (over age 35 or so) and youâre on a date with a woman who is under the age of 23, youâre not there to connect. Youâre not there to find commonality. Youâre not there to have a deep, meaningful conversation. Youâre going to have to look for that kind of thing with women who are a little older. When on a date with a VYW, youâre there to enjoy the deep, visceral feelings of sexual desire and masculinity that much younger women can give you. Thatâs it. If you look for anything deeper or anything beyond that, youâre likely going to be disappointed.

As Iâve discussed before, women are still teenagers until they hit about age 23. That means that if youâre on a first or second date with a 22 year-old or younger, youâre sitting across from a teenager. Adjust your expectations accordingly.

In other words, donât try to âconnectâ or have a âmeaningful conversationâ at all. Just sit back, relax, and feel the wonderful horniness and sexual attraction nature designed you to feel (assuming youâre attracted to her of course). Donât have any other goals beyond that.

If that sounds like torture to you, if you can’t stand listening to a hot younger woman talk about her hair or Snapchat or “that cunt on Facebook” who flirted with her last boyfriend, then donât date women under age 23. Draw a line at 23 or 25 and only date women older than that. Thatâs perfectly fine. I stopped going below age 23 for FBs (more or less) quite a while back, mostly because A) been there done that (a lot) and B) my schedule is so jam-packed busy these days I can only afford to interact with reliable people. In terms of women, this means 23s or over (and even then there are sometimes problems; theyâre still women).

If you still want to date women this young but are still concerned about the conversation aspect, just do what I do: let her talk about whatever the hell she wants. If you canât stand that, try to find something you both can relate to, at least a little.

âRelate toâ can mean something as simple as entertaining stories she tells. I had nothing in common with my first 18 year-old, but she was able to tell the funniest, strangest stories from her life that I was at least mildly entertained, and this was someone who was in my life for many years. As an introvert, I didnât need to do much talking, and she was an extreme extrovert who could go on and on about stuff for hours. It worked, and I never needed to get âdeepâ or âmeaningfulâ or find âcommonality.â

Lastly, don’t forget that if you are sexually attracted enough to a woman, you wonât need to find as much depth or commonality as you think.

Iâll prove it. In your mind, picture the hottest, most perfect ten you can possibly imagine. A woman who is physically flawless and 100% your type in every possible way. Make her about age 21. Now imagine her sitting across from you on a first date. Sheâs kinda dumb and you have nothing in common, but sheâs not irritating, she clearly likes you, sheâs clearly a happy person, and is smiling, laughing, and having a great time with you.

Do you really care that you have nothing in common and arenât connecting mentally?

Be honest. You donât.

Dating much younger women requires this more relaxed mindset. Itâs not a good thing or bad thing, just something you must be aware of and prepare for if, as an older guy, you intend on dating women this young.

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Post Information
Title Connecting With A Younger Woman. Or Not.
Author BlackDragon
Date November 3, 2016 12:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/connecting-with-a-younger-woman-or-not.23058
https://theredarchive.com/blog/23058
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/11/03/connecting-younger-woman-not/
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