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How Often People Cheat – The Real Stats

BlackDragon
August 15, 2016

Iâve discussed the ever-rising divorce rates on this blog many times, but I havenât really delved into statistics regarding cheating and infidelity. Today we will look at what the stats can tell us. Fair warning: if youâre a defender of monogamy, youâre not going to like what the stats are about to show you.

As always, we need to start with our definitions. Many people have different definitions of infidelity or cheating, so we need to clear this up first. Some people think texting sweet messages to an ex is considered cheating. Other people think that even things like getting a blowjob isnât cheating because itâs not full-on sex. Some other people even think that watching porn is cheating.

Whoâs right and whoâs wrong? Thatâs a matter of opinion, but I can give you mine, which I think is the most accurate and rational, because Iâm an arrogant jerk who thinks heâs always right. Per the glossary, the definition of cheating is:

Cheating â The act of promising monogamy to someone then getting sexual with someone else without the first personâs permission. Though society hates to admit it, cheating is a cultural norm and is widely practiced. Cheating is sometimes viewed as âeasierâ than establishing honest open relationships. (In some extreme cases of irrationality, cheating is considered âmore respectfulâ than having an open relationship.) Cheating almost always leads to drama and usually leads to bad breakups and is thus never a good idea, polyamory, open relationships, or serial monogamy being much better options.

To narrow things down, we need to define what âgetting sexualâ means. When I use the term cheating or infidelity, that means someone who has verbally promised sexual monogamy engages in physical and sexual contact with someone else. The word âandâ is important in there, since in order to be actual cheating, the contact must be physical and sexual. If itâs one without the other, it cannot be considered cheating. Inappropriate perhaps, against the relationship’s rules perhaps, but not cheating.

For example, physical, sexual contact means things like kissing, groping, boob-sucking, oral sex, actual sex, and everything like that. Things like hugging and playful touching do not count, since these are physical but not sexual. Sending sweet, romantic, or even sexual texts to someone is also not cheating, since that’s sexual but not physical. It’s bad, but it’s not cheating. You need both aspects in order to truly be cheating, at least in my opinion.

Certainly if you have a monogamous partner or OLTR who is sending romantic messages to someone else, I agree thatâs a violation of the relationship and a shitty thing to do, and you have every right to get upset about it, but itâs not cheating. Cheating requires both sexual intent and physical contact.

So if you have a girlfriend or wife youâve promised monogamy to (you dumbshit) and you give your ex-girlfriend a big hug, this is not cheating. Neither is giving her a friendly kiss on the cheek. But as soon as you squeeze her ass or kiss her on the mouth, boom, now youâre a cheater. If you later try to deny you cheated, then youâre also a liar.

Cheating Is Not Monogamy

Since cheating is sexual activity, those who cheat are not monogamous, by definition. Thatâs why I use the term âmonogamousâ in quotes to differentiate those who are truly monogamous (theyâre only having sex with one person and that one person is only having sex with them) from those who are pretending to be monogamous, but are not.

Over the years, Iâve had defensive married men (and some married women) try to tell me that theyâre monogamous while theyâre cheating on their spouses. Nope, sorry, you arenât. If you are cheating, youâre having sex with multiple people. This is not monogamy. Itâs sad that I have to explain such simple English concepts to some people. It might feel like youâre monogamous, it might look like youâre monogamous to the outside world, but you are not monogamous. Youâre pair bonded, but not monogamous. Pair bonding is just fine (Iâm pair bonded myself). But sexual monogamy doesnât work, and one does not require the other.

Cheating âmonogamousâ people are essentially in dysfunctional OLTRs. I have even told women that if they take back their boyfriend who cheated on them, theyâre basically in an open relationship. Youâre dating him, and heâs fucking other women, and youâre not leaving him. You might be screaming at him, but if you took him back, youâre not leaving him. Thatâs an open relationship, Sweetie, just a very high drama, dishonest, dysfunctional one.

Along those lines, what if youâre in a âmonogamousâ relationship and you are not cheating but your partner is? Well, that means you are monogamous, but youâre not in a monogamous relationship. Youâre only in a monogamous relationship if youâre not having sex with anyone else and your partner isnât either. If your wife or girlfriend is having sex with other men and you are not having sex with other women, youâre pretty much a âmonogamousâ cuckold. And a beta too.

Infidelity Stats

Now letâs look at the stats. As Iâve said many times, since monogamy doesnât work, the majority of men and women in free societies will cheat on their âmonogamousâ partners eventually, assuming the relationship/marriage lasts long enough, and youâre about to see this reflected in the stats. However, because of 50-70% divorce rates and 85% break up rates, many people tend to break up before cheating occurs.

In other words, since everyone hates long-term sexual monogamy, virtually everyone under the age of 60 in a relationship or marriage eventually has sex with someone else. Itâs simply a question of whether or not they formally end the relationship with the first person before they fuck the second person. Sometimes they do (which is called a âdivorceâ or a âbreak upâ) and sometimes they donât (which is called âcheatingâ or âinfidelityâ). Ah, monogamy.

Because of all this, you need to remember that every statistic you ever see regarding cheating/infidelity is artificially low. Many, if not most of these people are ending the relationship/marriage so they can have sex with someone else before they âcheat.â If your girlfriend fucks your brother, she cheated, but if she dumps you and then fucks your brother, she didnât cheat at all, thus she wonât show up in these cheating statistics. The point is she still banged your brother.

If you two hadnât broken up and had actually stayed together for 25 years (unlikely), the odds are overwhelming she would have eventually fucked your brother anyway. So the only reason she didnât âcheatâ in the first scenario was because she didnât stay with you long enough to do so. Thus, the cheating stats are artificially lower in relation to actual human behavior and desires.

Over the years Iâve had various serial monogamous women brag to me that theyâve never cheated on a guy. Almost every time, under my questioning, itâs revealed that these women have never had a relationship that lasted longer than two or three years. Well shit, of course you havenât cheated yet, Sweetheart! You keep dumping guys before you hit the boredom point of three years where the need for you to cheat becomes too strong. Stick with one guy for 20 years straight, and then come back and tell me youâve never cheated. Ha! Odds are you wonât be able to honestly make that claim.

Also, remember that women are Societally Programmed to either not discuss or lie about past sexual partners. Thus, in cheating statistics that rely on surveys, you can accurately predict that a huge percentage of women, if not most of them, are lying about whether or not theyâve ever cheated, or how often they have. Some men, particularly the more religious ones, will lie about this as well.

That means the cheating stats you read are even lower, again.

Thirdly, as I talked about with divorce, just because someone hasnât cheated on their partner yet doesnât mean they never will in the future. For example, most married women and married beta males take a few years of marriage before they cheat. They need the Getting Married NRE to die down and the babies to get a little older before they do that. (Married Alpha Male 1.0s donât need to wait and can and do cheat at any time. Married Alpha Male 2.0s arenât dumb enough to promise absolute sexual monogamy, so theyâre exempt from all this garbage.)

So if you have a survey full of people who have been married for less than three years, this is going to skew the infidelity statistics down, because they havenât been married long enough to cheat yet. As Iâve explained before, if you want truly accurate stats about this stuff, you need to only survey people who have been married a long time, as in 10 or 15 years or more.

Because of these three reasons, you can easily increase any stat you ever read regarding cheating/infidelity from 10% to perhaps 100% or more. Remember this as we go through the specific stats. Here we go…

1. 57% of men and 54% of women admitted theyâve cheated on someone before. [*] By the way, that means most people have admitted to cheating, since more than 50% = âmost.â And remember, that’s just the people who are admitting it.

2. 41% of married couples admit to some form of cheating. [*] Many of the others are lying. The actual figure is higher.

3. 31% of marriages last after cheating after it has been discovered. [*] Yep. Read this blog post I made about that.

4. 74% of married men and 68% of married women say they would cheat on their spouse if they knew they wouldnât get caught. [*] Think about that for a minute. Iâm serious. Really think about that. Still think long-term monogamy is a good idea?

5. 30-60% of all married individuals will cheat on their spouses at some point in the future, and these numbers are estimated to be âon the conservative sideâ [*] I personally think the real number is around 75%. In other words, if you have a marriage that somehow beats the odds and lasts 25 years or more, youâre looking at a 75% probability or more that you or her will cheat during those 25 years (unless both of you were over the age 60 when you got married; as Iâve explained before, monogamous marriage can work just fine for people who are already old).

6. The more people youâve had sex with, the more likely you are to cheat if you get married. [*] This is true for women AND MEN. Many manosphere bloggers love to point this out about women, but they always conveniently neglect to show that this applies to men too. As Iâve been saying for many years, if youâre a badass Alpha / player / PUA who has banged a lot of girls, you are now incapable of a long-term monogamous relationship. Youâll cheat on her. And youâll get caught. This renders the usual PUA / manosphere advice of âfuck a lot of girls for many years, and then when youâre older settle down and get monogamousâ as horrible, destructive advice for men. Settle down if you want to, but do it as an OLTR Marriage, not as a societal, monogamous one. That shit doesnât work anymore.

7. Cheating in society is increasing, just like divorce rates are increasing. Between 1991 and 2006, the numbers of unfaithful wives under 30 increased by 20% and husbands by a whopping 45%. [*] To quote from the article, âThe rise in infidelity has caught some marriage experts off-guard.â As Iâve demonstrated before, most of these Societally Programmed marriage researchers are absolute idiots, and often donât even want to admit to the clear data theyâre seeing right before their own eyes. Long-term monogamy doesnât fucking work in a free society, folks. Letâs all be adults here and have the balls to admit it.

After seeing these stats and rising, sky-high divorce rates, look me in the eye and tell me that long-term sexual monogamy is a good idea.

Pair bond, sure. Get sexually monogamous, no. Unless you love drama and problems of course.

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Post Information
Title How Often People Cheat – The Real Stats
Author BlackDragon
Date August 15, 2016 12:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Blog Caleb Jones
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/blog/Caleb-Jones/how-often-people-cheat-the-real-stats.23079
https://theredarchive.com/blog/23079
Original Link https://blackdragonblog.com/2016/08/15/often-people-cheat-real-stats/
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