Sometimes, when you get to the woman-level I’ve been at for several years, you stupidly start to think that you’ve learned it all and probably won’t be learning anything new of significance. I try very hard not to fall into this trap, I really do, but I do admit that sometimes this silly thought creeps in anyway. This is especially true when you get some big successes, like when you have three first dates in a row and end up having sex with all three women (which actually happened to me last year).
This past year I’m happy to report I did learn a few new things, and the biggest one is what I’ll relay to you today. Doing this wrong cost me several women, and I’m quite sure you have probably made this same mistake in the past even if you weren’t aware of it.
The Scenario
You have a quick first date/meet and she clearly likes you. Because you’ve read my stuff, you’ve taken my advice and had a good amount of sex talk on the date. It’s very obvious she really likes you and is attracted to you. After the date, she even gives you the Ultimate IOI by texting you first. You figure you’ve got this one in the bag, and the next time you hang out, you’ll be having sex with this woman.
So far so good. You’ve doing everything right.
You schedule the next date with her. It will be on Sunday night, which is three nights from now. At your place.
So far so good. You’ve doing everything right.
Some time between the first and second (or sometimes third) date, you have a text conversation. During the conversation, things get very sexual. This is good. Women love talking about sex and sex talk always raises the odds of success. You get sexual with her, and she loves it and wants more. You give it to her, and she texts that she’s really wet and is super turned on. On and on this goes for a few minutes.
So far so good. You’re doing right.
Now here’s where you make the huge mistake that costs you the entire thing.
During the sex convo you’re getting turned on yourself, and say, “Just wait until Sunday night. I’m going to throw you down and mash your head into the carpet while I fuck you like the bad little girl you are.” She responds, “Yes! Yes master! OMG this is turning me on!” You keep right on going, telling her about how you’re going to ravish her on Sunday night, and she loves it. Without you even being aware of it, you’ve just killed the entire deal.
Sunday rolls around, and you can’t wait! Then you get a timid text from her and she flakes on you bigtime. She’s “too tired” to meet up today. Or she forgot she promised a friend she’d help her move. Or her mom is sad and she needs to “be there for her”. Or whatever. She flakes. Your Sunday night date never happens.
On Monday or Tuesday you text her, and don’t get a response. You text her again on Thursday. No response. You never hear from her ever again.
GRRRR! She was so into you! What the hell happened?!?
Crossing The Line
You sex talked her, and that’s good. You should always be sexual in this way with a woman you’re trying to have sex with. It raises your odds considerably as I’ve said many times.
The problem is when you said you were actually going to do this to her the next time you see her. By making that one little statement, you instantly moved all this sexual stuff from the conceptual fun fantasy world she was living in to the world of hard realities. You have subtly though radically changed the entire dynamic of the interaction. You’re not aware you did this…you were too caught up in the sex talk. But the crazy thing is that even SHE was unaware of it. She just keeps right on sex talking you, all excited to be fucked by you the next time you meet.
The problem is what happens after the conversion. The next morning she wakes up, does her normal routine, and goes to work. The euphoria of the sex talk from last night has vanished. Cold reality has returned.
At some point throughout the day, she suddenly realizes, “Oh shit. This guy actually expects me to have SEX with him on Sunday!” All of her ASD is instantly activated. On that last date, she had very little ASD. Over texts last night she had none. But now it’s blasting at 100% percent. You actually said you’re going to fuck her on Sunday. OMG.
Her feminine brain goes wild with all the sexual logistics women have to freak out about whenever they have sex with a man for the first time. These are things men don’t give a shit about, but things women consider of paramount importance:
- What if he doesn’t like how I look naked?
- What if I get my period that day?
- What if I know my period is going to be starting around that day? (Even if my period doesn’t actually start, my pussy will smell different! OMG!)
- What if I don’t have time to do my pedicure and exfoliate my entire body that day?
- What if I don’t have time to shave my legs/pussy/armpits that day?
- Hey…that’s Sunday. Don’t I have breakfast with the Davidsons that day? OMG! What if they put onions or peppers in the omelettes? My breath will smell funny all day! OMG!
- What if I’m too tired that day?
- Sometimes I wake up and feel bitchy for no reason. What if that happens that day?
- What if I’m not horny that day?
Yes gentlemen, women actually think through all this crazy shit when they know they’ll be having sex with a guy for the very first time. Be thankful you’re a man.
I know what your guy-response is to this stuff: “But…I don’t care if she exfoliates! I just want to tap dat ass!” I know you don’t care. I don’t care if a woman exfoliates or has completely shaved her legs either. But women care. If she doesn’t feel sexy and perfect, she’s not going to go drive to your house to go have sex with you the first time.
So she flakes on you and makes up some dumb excuse. Then she never sees you again, because she now thinks that the very next time you see her, you’ll be expecting sex. You’ve put too much pressure on her. So she’s gone forever, even though she really liked you.
Is her behavior making any sense? Of course not, but we’re talking about women here.
Conceptual Sex Talk, Not Real Sex Talk
Several times over the last 12 months or so, I did exactly this. I had women who were very, very interested in me, very attracted to me, who suddenly vanished from my life pre-sex because I said (or even just implied) that sexual stuff was going to go down the next time we were to meet. And if you’re wondering, age made no difference. This happened with women as young as 20 and as old as 39.
Learn from my mistake. Here’s how to make sure this never happens to you.
1. During sex talk, at any point pre-lay, never ever suggest, say, or imply that these things are actually going to happen the next time you meet. Be very careful about this. Never cross that line. Don’t get too caught up in the moment so that you’ll forget. Once she becomes your FB or MLTR, you can sex talk her all you want with reckless abandon, but for the moment you need to be a little careful.
2. This includes even if SHE brings it up first. Amazingly, you will still kill the deal even if she brings it up(!). For example, she texts you something like “I can’t wait for Sunday night so you can pull my hair and pound me hard!”. Instead of responding the way you want (“That’s right. I’m going to do a hell of a lot more than just pull your hair…”) you need to respond with something like, “Haha. No, no. We’re just going to talk and hang out and relax. One step at a time.”
Don’t worry. You’re still going to escalate all the way to sex, because that’s what she wants. You’re just not going to verbalize it at this point. Otherwise you’ll activate all of her ASD excuses I listed above.
3. You still want to have sex talk. Don’t let this be an excuse to not talk about sex. Some of you bastards out there are going to read this article and just assume that you should not talk about sex pre-lay. No! Talk about sex, dammit! Get as explicit with her as you can, on the first date, subsequent dates, and over texts if you like. Just keep it conceptual. Keep it in the what-if fantasy realm. Never cross it over into the real world where it’s going to happen on a certain day in her schedule. But talk about sex!
I’m willing to bet you’ve made this same mistake before and didn’t realize that it was what killed the deal for you. Now you know. Go forth and conquer!
