Never Go Shopping With Her, It’s a Shit Test

Never Go Shopping With Her, It’s a Shit Test

Shopping is all about the estrogen. During my first marital administration, I remember too many trips to the mall where my ex happily tried on shoes and outfits for hours (and hours and hours) on end. I was left holding the bag, her handbag. I went along with it, not knowing that every hour spent this way was another stone chip away in the creation of the divorce sculpture. She called it “retail therapy”. Note to guys, any woman who uses that phrase is a woman not worthy of your affections. You’re welcome.

If the woman of your affection wants to shop with you, say no. Always. Shopping is a time suck for men. It’s a way for women to beat you about the head and neck with a mindless and stupid activity that emasculates you. A mall is the antithesis to testosterone. It is a place where men go to quietly die. The only reason for a man to go a mall is to meet women, on his own. If he’s there with a woman, his balls shrivel up. Sadly, the women know this. Shopping is a shit test, one of the worst.

What makes shopping an even more terrible thing is at the check out counter. She might very well expect the man to take out his own credit card to pay for the trinkets, baubles, and shoes (flats?!) that she has selected for purchase. Worse, she has picked out prudish outfits that do nothing to accentuate her figure. You’re expected to pay for a pathetically ugly cardigan that she will wear on future dates with you? #Facepalm.

There are three cures for the shopping shit test:

1. Don’t go shopping with her. Ever. It can be that easy. Just say no. She’s going to buy stuff you don’t like. Why are you involved with that?

2. Go shopping for you with her in tow. That’s frame control. You’ve got to buy some new dress shirts or a new suit. She can come in handy for an opinion in this regard. Note, you’re not going to any store where she can get something.

3. Only go to stores to find shoes, outfits, and baubles that heighten her sexuality. That pathetic cardigan she wants YOU to buy for her? Nah. You’ll offer to pay for a stripper-like top that accentuates her figure. If it’s your money, you make the rules.

For women, shopping is a legitimate enthusiasm. I understand that. But that doesn’t mean I have to go along with that. Nor should any other man.