Here’s one of the Facebook chats I had a few days ago while sipping a whiskey in the Hemingway Suite with JJ. I decided to channel him and just talk about food while insulting this Italian bird. Just for the lulz. I noticed she’d changed her profile picture.
.
Me: you look like a dorky little girl in your new photo
Her: hahaha   any problem?   [she changes it]   better?   haha
Me: No. It looks like you put a broom on your head   I don’t like you anymore   I won’t have sex with you
Her: hahahaha   ok ill look for another one   D   xD  [she changes it to a full body shot]
Me: oh god, that’s even worse   you look like a hooker
Her: hahahaha   ok so ill be back to this one   [changes it back]
Me: I’ll suggest one
Her: thats for u? Â Â but you dont have hair
Me: actually I just thought of the perfect picture   she looks like you, has the same hair, similar fashion   and equally cool
Her: hahhahaha   i dnt wear glasses
Me: I’m bored. I might keep insulting you   and then eat some sausages   I love sausages   I’m eating salami now   Sainsbury’s Basic. £1.19 for150g   thin sliced   mmmmmmmmm
Her: pfff   im eating rissotto
Me: I don’t like rissotto   I don’t like your rissotto
Her: pff   better for you   cuz i wont cook it for you
Me: and I’m not dumb enough to eat it   I’d be sick   you can’t try to bribe your way into my bed with your crappy cooking
Her: dont worry for that
Me: You scare me. If I look out my window now, I’ll probably see you crouched under a bush in my garden, using my wifi for your laptop
Her: hahaha   whaaaat
Me: I heard that. My window is open
Her: close it   i can be so dangerous
Me: Yes   dangerous like a rabbit   or a koala   or a hamster
Her: hahaahaha i prefer the koala   i live them]   love them
Me: I prefer koalas to you   they have better legs
Her: i prefer them to you as well   for lots of reasons
Me: If I was a koala   I’d bite you   eat the food in your kitchen   and shit on your floor
Her: hahaha   i would send you to the zoo then   and i would go to see you   and throw you things   but not food   roks and rubbish   for example
Me: I’d throw my shit at you   and laugh
Her: i would say to the owners of the zoo to sacrify you   cuz u are ill   and you could infect the other animals   and they’ll believe me
Me: I’d give you AIDS Â Â koala rape
Her: you won’t have tim   you would be sacrified before
Me: I don’t like you anymore   you are mean to animals
Her: hahaha   no   i’m mean to you   well…there is no big difference at all
Me: I’m gonna get the koala army to attack you
Her: ok   i’ll be waiting for that