Valentines day was same old, same old for me. I’d forgotten all about it but arranged to meet the LTR on Saturday night anyway to go to some weird S&M club. I don’t like all that gimp latex shit but the website showed people just dressing up in non-gimp extravagance so I thought I’d finally gotten an excuse to wear my new coat.
Only one in London I'll bet
Massive queue to collect our tickets and then the half-male battleaxe on the door won’t let me in. Jeans not allowed she says. I watch others get let in wearing jeans. Not sure what’s up cos the jeans is obviously a pretext and seeing as I have a hot girl on my arm it’s not a boy/girl ratio issue. Hmmmmm. Guess I should’ve bought a gimp suit after all. Having just been DLV’d in front of the LTR I know what will follow, mechanically. 10….. 9….. 8….. 7….. 6….. 5….. 4….
3…..
2…..
1…..
Shit test.
HB Romania: You’re not cool enough to get in. Hahaha.
Krauser: Bunch of fat gimpy cunts.
HB Romania: I’m cool. I could get in. You’re soooo not cool.
Krauser: *silence*
HB Romania: Look, they are getting in with jeans.
Krauser: * offloads tickets on Jambone, whose friends are coming without tickets. Gets money back. Grabs LTR and walks off * I don’t want to go in now. I’m fucked if I’m begging to give a club my patronage. Come on, we’re going to [private members club] * grab LTR, start walking *
I should probably add I’d banged her just before we left for the club. I hadn’t particularly enjoyed it and something about her manner had annoyed me. Can’t quite say what. It seems too early to be tiring of a girl of this quality. She starts hitting me with her handbag (not hard) and whining that I’d said something rude about her as I said goodbye to Jambone. Bullshit, I didn’t say anything of the sort.
HB Romania: You were so rude.
Krauser: When?
HB Romania: You know. Just there, when we left. You said you were going to do something. It was offensive.
Krauser: No it wasn’t.
HB Romania: It was.
Krauser: What did I say?
HB Romania: You know.
Krauser: No I don’t. What did I say?
HB Romania: *won’t say [because she can’t]. changes subject*
We get a taxi. We are barely a hundred yards away when she does a variation of the “you’re not cool enough to get in” line for about the fifteenth time. Without looking at her, I say “Say that again and I’m leaving you here and going home”. There’s a sharp intake of breath and she tries to challenge me: “Are you serious?”. I slowly turn to look at her and hold eye contact: “Yes”. I turn back. She shuts the fuck up and not another peep out of her. Silence in the cab for ten minutes till we get to our destination. Then as we exit I grab her hand and continue conversation like the whole episode never happened. She plays along. End of shit test. She’s crawling all over me in the bar and later at my place.
This was the first shit test she’d thrown out where I had to clearly communicate a willingness to walk away and move on to the next girl. It reinforces an iron rule of LTRs: DLV infront of your woman and a shit test follows with mechanical predictability.
The next morning we sleep in till noon and then I fuck her. We go into town for milkshakes and then I decide to watch The Wolfman with her. There is no Valentines frame at all. No cards, no chocolate, no dinner date and absolutely no supplication. A few times she tries to rally and shit test me again. Nominally it’s because when I was fucking her I looked into her eyes and asked “How does it feel to be fucked by an arsehole?”
HB Romania: You made me feel uncomfortable earlier
Krauser: *non-committal grunt*
She tries it a few more times but the grunt kills the thread and the rest of the time she is her usual self, holding onto my arm and enjoying being led around. The movie is fun and I come away having learned alot about body language from Benecio Del Toro. He starts out pretty alpha but with a nice-guy strength frame. After the werewolf bites him he makes a host of subtle changes that subcommunicate a bestial dominance. My two favourite scenes are:
Grieving but determined - Early in movie
(i) Sitting slouched in a leather chair with a glass of whiskey he fends off the investigating policeman, while his attack dog sits loyally at his side. His posture and particularly his facial expression project an inner wildness.
(ii) Late at night before his first transformation he walks into the leading lady’s room. It’s a slow powerful walk that commands the entire room. His presence is at once dominant and barely controlled primal urges.
Coming out the cinema I tell the LTR I’m gonna become a wolfman and the rest of the day I slow my movements right down, every action is carried out like I’m on the verge of ripping bystanders limb from limb, and I move the girl around lots while I remain centred. The next day at work it’s raining so I have on my Van Helsing jacket to walk to work. I decide to play Wolfman again. My mind fills with imagery of a savage world and I hold that state as I walk around. The experiment is to see if by holding this state internally then the external subcommunication follows.
It’s funny. People start getting out of my way. Twice beta guys hold doors open for me at a far greater distance than is conventionally necessary. A few girls turn heads. These are not outlandish changes, just small subtle things that suggest I might be on to something.
It’s just playful stuff, but I hatch an idea. I will collect a range of alpha movie scenes congruent with the wildman image and study them. Find out how Del Toro projects how he does.
