4 things you can do to make that happen:
1. Improve your ability to make her feel attracted during interactions
You may have been able to attract your ex initially, but somewhere along the line, something happened that caused the spark between you and her to die out.
So, if youâre serious about making her see you as the man she wants, you need to find out why that happened and then change the way you interact with her, so that you can quickly re-spark her feelings for you.
When she can feel surges of respect, attraction and love for you again, she will naturally start seeing you as being the man that she wants.
However, if you continue to interact with her and turn her off by repeating your old patterns that turned her off before, sheâs just going to keep pulling away and saying things like, âIâm sorry, but I donât feel the same way about you anymore. Youâre a nice guy, but youâre just not the man for me.â
The key to re-sparking your exâs feelings for you is to start giving her the attraction experience she always wanted from you but never got.
For example:
- Youâre now much more confident, self assured and emotionally mature than before, which means you donât feel the need to get jealous or control her anymore.
- Youâre more emotionally independent (e.g. youâre actively pursuing your goals, spending more time with your friends, spending more time on your own hobbies and interests), which means she no longer feels responsible for shaping you into the man she wants.
- Youâre no longer influenced by her dominant personality, so she doesnât have to throw tantrums to test if you are man enough for her.
- Youâre no longer afraid to flirt with her and create sexual tension between you, which means she starts to feel more like your lover than your friend.
When your ex starts to experience those kinds of changes in you, she canât stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good.
She then naturally drops her guard and opens up to the possibility that maybe you are the man she wants after all and she made a mistake by breaking up with you.
On the other hand, if you try to get her back while making the same old attraction mistakes that you made before, she definitely wonât start seeing you as being the man she wants.
Another thing you can do to make your ex see you as the man she wants isâ¦
2. Review her clues about what she really wants in a man
Most women give hints and clues to their guy in a relationship, in the hope that he adapts, changes and becomes the kind of man that she wants to stay with.
Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, those hints are usually about what a guy might see as subtle, or even unimportant things, so he just ignores her.
For example: Some of the more subtle things that turn a woman off in a relationship and make her doubt that her man is the one for her areâ¦
- How he reacts when she tests his confidence (e.g. he becomes emotionally sensitive, irritated or even angry).
- How confident he is around other people (e.g. he lets others walk all over him and doesnât speak his mind).
- How much power he gives her if she starts throwing a tantrum (e.g. he gives in to her demands regardless of how unreasonable sheâs being).
- How much time he spends with her compared to following through on his big dreams and goals (e.g. he gives everything up just to be with her).
- How he acts around her friends or family (e.g. he doesnât put in the effort to get to know them, or to get on with them).
So, even though certain things your ex complained about might have seemed unimportant to you, chances are, those are actually some of the things that influenced her decision to break up with you.
This is why, if you want to get her back, you need to look back and uncover all the clues she gave you.
You can then make some adjustments to the way you talk, think, act and behave with her, that will show her youâve finally understood what she wanted all along.
When she can see for herself that youâve picked up on the things that really matter to her and have already taken action to improve, she will instantly feel a surge of renewed respect for you.
When she respects you again, she will also be able to feel attracted to you and with those two emotions in place, seeing you as the man she wants becomes plausible to her.
Another thing you can do to make your ex see you as the man she wants isâ¦
3. Interact with her and re-attract her
A common mistake that some guys make is avoiding their ex and hoping that at some point she will suddenly realize that heâs the man for her and come running back to him.
Yet, that almost never happens.
If your aim is to get your ex back into a relationship with you, you need to make sure you interact with her every chance you get (e.g. via text, social media and especially over the phone and in person), so that you can re-spark her feelings for you.
If you donât interact with her, you wonât be able to get her to truly experience the changes in you, feel attracted to them and then look past your mistakes and want you back.
So, regardless of how unsure you might feel about her potentially not wanting to interact with you right now, itâs very important that you get her on a phone call, or preferably meet up with her in person, where you can start fully re-attracting her.
By the wayâ¦
If youâre uncertain about how to do that, you can use the following questions as guidelines.
For example: When youâre interacting with your ex ask yourselfâ¦
Am I maintaining my confidence around her (attractive to her), or am I being nervous, insecure and self-doubting (unattractive to her)?
Am I making her feel feminine and girly because Iâm being more emotionally masculine than her, or does she feel more like a neutral friend?
Is she relaxed, at ease and laughing and smiling, or is she tense, closed off or desperate to get away from me?
Am I in control of the interaction by being the emotionally dominant one, or is she calling the shots and dominating me?
Am I flirting with her and creating some sexual tension between us, or am I being too nice and on my best behavior which makes her feel neutral feelings towards me?
The more you focus on saying and doing the kind of things that are attractive to her, the more your ex will begin to feel re-attracted to you.
She then naturally opens back up to you and starts seeing you as being the man she wants.
So focus on that.
Another thing you can do to make your ex see you as the man she wants isâ¦
4. Make her feel like she really wants you back, but don’t ask her for another chance
The more you show your ex (via the way you talk, think, act and behave) that youâre a new and improved man (e.g. more confident, emotionally independent, ballsy, sure of your attractiveness to her and other women), the more she will begin to want you back.
She may then start saying things like, âI miss you,â or âWhat we had together was special.â
At this point you might feel tempted to say something along the lines of, âI miss you too! Letâs forget about what happened before and start over again. You and I are meant to be together.â
Yet, if you push her to get back into a relationship with you before sheâs ready, she may close herself off from you.
The truth is, even if a woman is giving signs that she wants to get back together again, if a guy puts pressure on her to make that decision right away, she will usually start pulling away. Why?
A woman doesnât want to be pressured into giving her ex another chance because he wants it.
She wants to give him another chance because she wants it.
She wants to feel that if she doesnât get back with him right away, she might lose him to another woman and end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
Thatâs why itâs better that you only focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
When you do that, getting her back and keeping her in a relationship will happen easily and quickly, because she will want that too.
Where a Guy Goes Wrong When Trying to Make an Ex Woman See Him as the Man She Wants
When you behave in ways that are attractive, itâs only natural that your ex will begin to doubt her decision to break up with you.
However, if you say and do the kind of things that turn her off, she will simply keep pushing you away and saying things like, âStop trying to get me back. What we had is over and Iâm not going to change my mind about it. Youâre not the man I want and thatâs final!â
Donât let that happen to you.
Make sure that you avoid making any of the following mistakes:
1. Trying to explain to her via e-mail, text or letter that he has changed
Sometimes a guy struggles to express himself verbally, so in order to get his point across he decides to explain to his ex how and why heâs changed in a long e-mail, letter or a series of text messages.
Essentially heâs hoping that she will think something along the lines of, âWow! I never realized heâs gone to so much trouble to change for me. Iâm glad heâs explained everything in this e-mail/letter/text. I can now stop assuming that heâs still stuck at the same level he was at when we broke up and give him another chance.â
Yet, hereâs the thingâ¦
If he has turned her off and ruined her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, sheâs probably not going to believe him. Why?
When a woman canât see a guyâs body language, hear the tonality of his voice, or gauge his actions and behavior in person or over the phone, she only has her past experiences with him to judge him on.
So even though he might have sent her a perfectly crafted e-mail/letter/text message that took him a long time to come up with, to her itâs just a bunch of words on a screen.
She canât know for sure that what heâs saying is really true.
So, if you want to make your ex see you as the man she wants, itâs essential that you talk to her on a phone call or in person, rather than making the mistake of hiding behind e-mails, texts or letters.
Only then can you properly re-attract her by allowing her to experience the new and improved version of you.
Another mistake isâ¦
2. Writing to her to tell her how much she means to him
If your ex is currently refusing to listen to anything you have to say to her, writing her a letter to express your feelings for her might seem like a good idea.
Yet, hereâs the thingâ¦
Although your intentions are good, your ex may not see it that way.
Instead, she might read your letter and only pick things out like, âI still love you,â or âI really want us to work things out,â or âI feel so lost without you.â
She may then think to herself, âEverything in this letter is about what he wants and feels. Not once has he mentioned, or thought about my feelings. Heâs just trying to manipulate me into seeing him as the man I want and give him another chance. Well thatâs not how it works. I donât care what he wants. For once Iâm going to care only about what I want!â
So, donât bother writing to tell her how much she means to you.
That will only work if you re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you first.
Then sheâll be happy to read how much you care for her in a letter or e-mail.
Until you do that, writing to her isnât the best way to get through to her and make her see you as the man she wants.
Another mistake to avoid isâ¦
3. Trying too hard to impress her and coming across as desperate or insecure as a result
Sometimes a guy might try to make his ex woman see him as the man she wants, by overwhelming her with attention and romantic gestures.
Essentially heâs hoping that if she realizes what a catch he is, she will regret breaking up with him.
However, the reality is that a woman wonât be impressed by a guy who is only saying and doing things because he thinks it will make her feel attracted.
Instead she will perceive him as feeling so unsure of himself and his own self-worth, that he has to present an unrealistic version of himself to make her want him (i.e. by being more generous and romantic than he can afford to be).
She will then feel turned off by his desperation and insecurity and she will want to remain broken up.
So, donât waste time trying to impress your ex.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for who you are as a man now (e.g. more confident, ballsy, emotionally independent, self-assured).
The more she can see that youâre not the same guy she broke up with, the more she will begin seeing you as the man she wants.
Another mistake to avoid isâ¦
4. Thinking that she will be impressed if he tells her about personal victories or breakthroughs
For example: A guy might say things like, âI got that job I was talking to you about!â or, âI’ve been going to the gym lately. I’m in such better shape now.â
Yet, hereâs the thingâ¦
A woman is not going to care what heâs up to if she has disconnected from her feelings for him.
She knows that she’s not going to be getting back into a relationship with his new job or his gym attendance.
If she gets back with him, she’ll be getting back with the person he has become.
For example: Sheâs going to be asking herselfâ¦
- Is he different now, or is he still making the same attraction mistakes he made before (e.g. being to insecure and needy, treating her like a friend rather than lover, submitting to her confident personality)?
- Does he make me feel different now (e.g. more feminine and girly, attracted, respectful), or do I still feel turned off by him?
- Do I see myself being with him for the long haul because heâs the kind of man I can look up, respect and feel proud of, or does he not live up to any of my expectations?
That is what really counts.
So, donât bother putting on an act to make your ex see you as the man she wants.
Instead, just be a better version of yourself (i.e. more confident, charismatic, emotionally masculine, ambitious) and she will instinctively feel drawn to you again.
Then the idea of losing you will seem like the worst thing that could ever happen to her.
