Here are 6 possible ways to respond when your ex brings up bad memories from your relationship:
1. Jokingly make the memory even worse by making up bad things that you did
For example: If she says, âYou never used to help me with the housework. You expected me to do everything like I was your slave,â you can make her stop looking at what you did in such a bad way.
You can laugh (important) and say, âItâs true! I was a real slave master, wasnât I? Remember how I used to whip you and tell you to work harder? Remember how I used throw rubbish on the floor and tell you to pick it up? How about the time I got you to wash all the windows on a hot day while I sat on the couch and watched sports on TV…remember that?â and have a laugh with her about it.
By getting her to imagine you behaving much worse than you actually did, it takes away some of the power of what she is saying.
After all, youâre not as bad as the guy who are getting her to imagine.
By saying something like that to her, you are letting her know (in a loving way) that youâre not going to allow her to dominate you because of what happened in the past.
Yes, you are sorry for how you behaved and you definitely will be such a better man from now on, but youâre not going to let her use your past mistakes to rub your face in the mud.
You are a better man now that youâve learned from your mistakes.
She needs to be able to see that.
One of the best ways to let her see that is to get her to imagine you being even worse, so she can realize that you arenât so bad after all.
This will shock and surprise her (in a good way).
Naturally she might initially pretend to be angry with you and say something like, âHow dare you make fun of me? Iâm being serious here and youâre making jokes.â
Itâs essential that you maintain your confidence and let her see that youâre no longer going to allow her to dominate you emotionally, by bringing up bad memories from the past.
Sure you made some mistakes, but everyone makes mistakesâ¦even her.
You have learned from your mistakes and have become a better man as a result.
When she sees for herself that youâre no longer the guy she broke up with (e.g. youâre more confident and emotionally strong now, youâre more mature, she doesnât seem to be able to push you around anymore and she likes it), she wonât be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again.
From there, every time you interact with her (via text message, on social media, on a phone call, and especially in person) just focus on letting her experience the new and improved you.
The more she experiences your confidence and emotional dominance, the more her guard will come down.
You can then confidently guide her back into a relationship with you because she will be open and wanting it too.
Another way to respond when your ex brings up bad memories from your relationship isâ¦
2. Apologize once or twice, but if she keeps bringing it up, playfully refuse to keep talking about it
Itâs very likely that youâve already apologized to your ex for stuffing up, right?
If so, itâs no longer necessary to keep apologizing.
Of course, if you havenât apologized to her yet, or you havenât done it properly (e.g. sometimes a guy will say sorry, but it wonât seem genuine because heâs rushing it), go ahead and say youâre sorry the next time your ex brings up the bad memories from your relationship.
Make sure that you are sincere, but also that you maintain your confidence and self-respect when you do it.
In other words, donât put yourself down and take all the blame for what happened because you hope it will make her respect you, take pity on you, or be thankful and then give you another chance.
It wonât and she’ll simply gain even more power over you, which will turn her off.
So, if you have apologized, just know that itâs enough.
You donât need to keep sucking up to her with additional apologies.
If she continues to bring up your mistakes again and again throughout the course of a conversation, donât feel forced to apologize to her again.
Instead, you can jokingly say, âOkay, that’s the third time you’re bringing this up. How many more times do you think you’d like to talk about it before you feel like it has been said? 10, 20, 30, 40 more times?â
Make light of it, rather than taking it too seriously, feeling hurt and continually apologizing to her for the same things over and over again.
Let her see the funny side of things, rather than allowing her to make your mistakes seem like the worst thing in the world.
When you confidently make light of it all, she will see that she is being ridiculous by bringing up the bad memories from your relationship every time you and her interact.
Of course, she might not admit that to you.
If sheâs like most women, she will pretend to be angry at you for making light of things.
Donât fall for it.
Her anger is simply a test to see if you have the balls to continue being confident and not buying into her BS act of being so upset about your mistakes.
She knows very well that women love, respect and feel attracted to a guy who is good guy, but who doesnât put up with a womanâs BS.
So, apologize if you havenât already, but donât suck up to her with additional apologies.
Yes, you didnât treat her perfectly, but thereâs no need for her to keep going on and on about that.
If she refuses to stop talking about the bad memories from your relationship, just continue to turn it into something to laugh about.
Eventually your ex will realize that no matter what she says or does, you remain confident and emotionally strong and make light of the situation.
As a result, she wonât be able to stop herself from seeing you in a more positive light and feeling silly for continuing to try to create ongoing drama about mistakes you made in the past.
Another way to respond when your ex brings up bad memories from your relationship isâ¦
3. Laugh and tell her to stop being such a drama queen
Believe it or not, sometimes a woman doesn’t even want you to take her complaints that seriously.
She is simply being a pain in the butt to see how much you will put up with.
For example:
- Will a guy take the blame for everything and put himself down in front of her because heâs so desperate to get her back?
- Will he become emotionally weak and lose control of his emotions around her (e.g. start begging and pleading with her to forgive him and give him another chance, or possibly even start crying)?
- Will he lose confidence in himself and begin doubting himself and his value and attractiveness to her?
- Will he start being extra nice to her (e.g. shower her with gifts, be more patient with her, apologize even more), when what she really wants him to do is not buy into her fake drama?
If she sees that he canât handle her fake drama and is crumbling under the pressure, she will lose respect for him and feel like she has made the right decision to leave him.
After all, what a woman really wants is a man that she can look up to, respect and feel safe with because he can handle the challenges of life without losing confidence in himself.
So, if the guy doesnât play into her hands (i.e. he remains calm and confident no matter what she says and does to upset him, he laughs at her attempts to make him feel insecure), she will naturally begin to feel surges of respect for him again.
As a result, she will then also start to feel attraction and love for him and then the idea of getting back together again will start to feel good to her.
So, the next time your ex starts getting overly emotional with you and brings up bad memories from your relationship, just focus on seeing the funny side of the situation.
For example: You can laugh and say, âPoor little drama queen. Everything was so bad for you wasnât it? I mean, you never had one, single moment of joy in our relationship. It was all so bad, wasnât it!? How did you ever survive? You must be superwoman something,â and then laugh at her and with her about it.
Of course, she may initially be a bit shocked when she realizes that youâre no longer buying into her drama.
Even if she doesnât admit it, she will be feeling a lot of respect and attraction for you for having the courage to joke with her in that way.
She will then realize that youâre now the kind of man she always wanted you to be (e.g. confident, emotionally strong, emotionally dominant, masculine) and she wonât be able to stop herself from opening her heart to you again.
Be warned thoughâ¦
If sheâs like most women, she will hold her card close to her chest.
In other words, she might be feeling sparks of respect, attraction and love for you and wanting you to hug her and kiss her, but she will be acting like she isnât interested.
Women do that as a way of testing how strong a guyâs confidence in himself really is, so make sure that youâre feeling very confident when you next interact with your ex.
Another way to respond when your ex brings up bad memories from your relationship isâ¦
4. Take ownership of your mistakes, but donât let her think that she is perfect
Thereâs nothing wrong with admitting that you made a mistake.
What your ex needs to understand though is that no-one is perfect.
Everyone makes mistakes in a relationship and it doesnât mean that they are a bad person, or a person who canât do any better.
Maybe you made twice as many mistakes as her in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t mess up with you in some way too.
Of course, you shouldnât use that as a reason why she should take you back, but as a way to show her that youâre not taking all the blame for how things turned out.
That said, working out who is to blame isnât going to get her back.
To get her back, you need to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for the new and improved you.
For example: The next time your ex brings up bad memories from your relationship, you can say something along the lines of, âYes, youâre right. Some bad things did happen in our relationship. I donât blame you for feeling hurt and wanting to bring it up too. However, you have to agree that everyone makes mistakes. I made some and you made some too. I admit that I probably made a whole lot more mistakes than you, but it doesnât mean you have to keep punishing me for it over and over again. I stuffed up and accept responsibility for it. We are both mature adults though and the best way forward is to accept that whatâs done is done. We cannot change the past, but we can change how we interact with each other now and in the future. You and I should do the mature thing and look at each other as who we are now, rather than looking at each other based on who we used to be. People always change, improve and learn. Iâve certainly learned a lot from our relationship and have changed so much.â
This helps her understand and see that you really are a different person though.
However, even though she will understand and accept that, itâs not the only thing you need to do to get her back.
Women rarely get back with a guy based on a smart, logical argument.
To get her back, it has to be about her feelings (i.e. respect, attraction, love).
So, when you lovingly, but assertively stand up to her when she brings up bad memories from your relationship, she stops seeing you as the jerk who stuffed up and she starts seeing you as a new man.
Regardless of whether she wants to admit it or not, you now make her feel like a real woman around you (i.e. feminine, girly) because youâre being more masculine than her.
That is attractive to her, even if she wonât openly admit it to you now.
When you make her feel feminine, she naturally feels drawn to you and you can then build on those feelings and get her back.
Another way to respond is toâ¦
5. Change the conversation and focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good
One of the best ways to respond to your ex when she brings up bad memories from your relationship, is to use humor to take the seriousness away from the situation.
So, the next time your ex turns the conversation towards all the bad memories, rather than getting into long, stressful conversations, just turn it into something to laugh about together instead.
For example: Imagine that your ex broke up with you because you took her for granted and she regularly brings it up during conversation.
To change how she feels, you might say something along the lines of, âHey, youâre right! I was a real slave driver. Remember how I used to make you scrub the floors on your hands and knees? What about the times I used to lock you up in my dungeon with only stale bread and water to keep you going for a week? What an asshole I was. That said, you sure were a cute little slave. My floors havenât been very clean since you left. I think you need to get your butt around to my place and do some cleaning. Youâre good at itâ and have a laugh with her about it.
Itâs not about cracking jokes in a disrespectful way, but about being able to laugh at yourself and the way you behaved in the past, without taking it so seriously.
She will then most likely laugh at the way you turned her bad memories into something funny and begin to wonder what has brought about such a sudden change in you.
She will feel curious about your newfound relaxed and confident attitude towards her, which will naturally make her feel some respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, it becomes a lot more difficult for her to keep harping on the bad memories from the relationship because she starts to look like the childish, immature one who canât let go of the past.
She then drops her guard and from there, you just need to build on that spark of attraction and guide her back into a relationship with you.
Finallyâ¦
6. Get her to forgive the old you
Forgiveness automatically makes a woman drop her guard and open back up to you.
This is why you need to get your ex to forgive the old you.
How can you get her to forgive you?
Start off by explaining to her that if she doesnât forgive the old you, she is only hurting herself.
Sheâll end up being one of those women who canât move on and have a healthy relationship with a guy, because sheâs always bringing up bad memories from her past relationships, or keeping her heart closed because she doesnât want to get hurt again.
Hereâs an example of what you can sayâ¦
âI know that I stuffed up and Iâm truly sorry for hurting you. However, Iâm not that guy anymore. I really have changed and improved and Iâm now a better man as a result. You may not want to believe me right now and thatâs okay. The important thing is that we stop blaming each other for what happened in the past and try to go forward from here as the people we are now. Iâm not asking you to take me back at all. I just think that when you can stop holding onto the past, you will be able to move forward in your life with a new guy, without all the baggage from our relationship getting in the way. You can be happy again. What do you say? Can you stop bringing up bad memories from our relationship and just let us be friends from this point onwards?â
When you give her the freedom to not have baggage in her future relationships and she then forgives you as a result, she stops looking at you in a negative way.
She stops focusing on all the bad memories and mistakes you made and she starts feeling respect for the emotionally mature man you have become.
She starts wondering why she doesnât actually want a new guy all of a sudden and is starting to worry about losing you and regretting it.
After all, youâre so much more mature now and youâre making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction.
When she feels that way, her defenses begin to come down and she begins to reconnect with the love that she used to feel for you.
Except, this time, the love is so much more meaningful, mature and right for her.
You understand her now and have become an even better man than you were before.
As a result, the love, respect and attraction that you and her feel for each other will go deeper and will become something that neither of you ever want to let go of.
