With the series on Gammas, I was curious if I could get some advice from yourself and the Ilk on how a young man creating his own household deals with courting a woman whose father figure is the most Gamma man I've ever met. While some discussion can be had on regular, modern dating, my own situation involves traditional courtship where the woman has acted submissively towards me at every opportunity, shows every sign of feminine appeal/behavior, and then has such a Gamma father figure I can't help but act in disgust.There is a great scene in Band of Brothers when Captain Sobel encounters the newly promoted Major Winters. Sobel is bitter because he was ousted as the commanding officer of Easy Company prior to the D-Day jump and was replaced by Winters. Sobel disdains to salute Winters, but Winters reminds him: "We salute the rank, Captain Sobel, not the man."
I generally just avoid him in every way, but the structure of courtship doesn't completely allow me to do so. He consistently sets himself into conflict with me in evasive, non-direct ways, denies doing so, denies all responsibility, and then tries to claim authority and place of masculine leadership via both credentials and his position as male role in courtship. No signs of results mattering, respect having to be earned (beyond telling me I must be earning his through submission), or any signs of real leadership aside from possibly in intellectual areas. I am baffled. I don't know how, but somehow this is the man that taught a woman to value leadership. I have the feeling he's of the high IQ, low social skills type, and able to theoretically define Catholic head of household, but completely unable to interact with men displaying such.
This is the kind of thing I thought was farce, or overexaggerated by how people operate online. Yet I've now had the trouble of having to actually converse with such men, and being put into a position where courtship puts me to gain the approval of a him sounds like a horrible parody.
At which point Sobel obediently salutes Winters, who snaps off a sarcastically-crisp parade-ground salute in return.
That's what BC has to do. Respect the rank of father-in-law, not the man who happens to be the prospective father-in-law. He has to know, and accept, that this man, being a Gamma, cannot handle authority over other men and is going to be inclined to abuse it from time to time. To which, the correct response is the time-honored one of put-upon sergeants dating back to the legions, perfect, literal, and mindless obedience.
Nothing drives those abusing their authority crazier, or makes them doubt it more, than unquestioning, unemotional and flawless obedience. Because they don't actually want obedience, they want approval. By giving them what they merit according to their rank, but denying them what they have to earn, this gradually teaches even the slowest learner that throwing his weight around accomplishes him nothing.
I'd even recommend BC go as far as address the man as sir. If he makes pompous demands, BC should, with a completely straight face and no sarcasm whatsoever, "yessir, absolutely sir" the hell out of them. He should question nothing, agree with everything; this is essentially the male form of agree-and-amplify. And he needn't worry about what his fiance thinks; women recognize this very well as an innocent form of taking the piss out of someone. After all, they are the sex that invented the game of ruling through submission.
