Since I was young, I've always had a poor self-esteem. My self-esteem has improved through self-improvement and I'm much more confident with other people, but I still allude to suicidal ideation often. I often feel unhappy.

I lift, I take anti-depressants, I meditate, I eat much better but I still often feel suicidal ideation. My mind is often filled with worry and after any issue, I'm here considering suicide. Even at the high points of my life, I feel down internally. I feel like suicide is the answer, and stronger suicidal ideation is often my reaction to situations out of my control. It almost is a safety net to know that I can escape this situation. I never act on it, but the thoughts are there obsessively.