A bit over 3 months ago I found out my girlfriend of a year and a half had started escorting. She had been doing it for about a month and a half before I found out. I could make a very long post about the signs, my beta failures that led to it, her fucked up behaviour... but I'm not going to do that because the more pressing issue is whats happening right now.

After it happened I went through the shock phase, a lot of anger, a lot of resentment, (towards her and myself), but I was also kind of riding a high. I was not only free, but free to fuck as many girls as much as I wanted. For a while I did that, and to this day I have options.

Part one of my issue is that my ex hasn't totally left my life. She did for a month or so, I gained about 10lbs of muscle in that month. I've let her in with the exception that she has been severely demoted to plate status. That being said, she has cried and cried and continues to try to 'make it up to me'. Begging me not to leave her begging for another chance.

I continue to refuse and allow her to spend time with me on the condition that she continues to give me great sex, and she delivers in that regard. In fact the sex is 1,000x better than when we were together. She's trying and doing things she never would have done before. Which makes perfect sense because now that she completely decimated the beta bitch that I allowed myself to be, she can't get enough of my dick. (AWALT)

Part two if the issue has to do with the cheating. I can't get the images out of my head and it almost seems to be getting worse. I create these detailed stories and thoughts of how and what was happening. I know A LOT of details and it all just makes me so fucking angry. And to be perfectly honest, I think of these men that were fucking my girl, these men who had more money than me, more success, and it crushes me.

EVEN THOUGH right now I've got this girl and plenty more on speed dial for all the sex I could want. EVEN THOUGH she literally has rich men chasing her around the city now that she's single, and she's refusing every one of them for me. Even though I know I come out of this situation on top. (She said it best "I lost everything and all you lost was a shitty girlfriend") Even though I doubt any of these men gave her anything special, I still can't shake the feelings of inadequacy.

It's been three months. In a lot of ways it's a blessing, I've now been burned and I'm stronger. I've come across TRP in the past and kind of laughed it off "That sucks guys but my girl is different!". Now of course here I am, and I've read lots and it's been a saving grace.

But what now? My progress has stalled. I'm stuck with these images in my mind and the shit feelings that come with them. While at the same time fucking the hell out of the bitch that cause all of it. I feel a mix of pride and shame about that specifically.

I want to get to a point where I can look back and laugh about how ridiculous this whole thing is, and laugh about how much this bitch fucked up. I want those images to have no affect on me. What do I need to do?