I hit my girlfriend when I was blackout drunk

tacko276 · 2017-09-18T18:05:35+00:00

Stop fucking drinking. Get help if needed. There is no shame in trying to be a better man. If being a better man means going to AA, so be it. Counseling might also be an option. What ever, just stop being a fucking shit show man child and get yourself together. Thank the fuck out of that girl for not sending your sorry ass to jail

htbf · 2017-09-18T17:59:17+00:00

I wouldn't forgive myself so easily if I lost frame like that.

You are due for a social media blackout. Ignore what other people are saying. How does your GF really feel about it ? She didn't dump you but that doesn't mean nothing broke then. You can't just move on something like that without talking about it. Depending on the rest of the circumstances and your overall relationship, it might even be in your and her best interest that you end it there.

Of course, I don't have to say it, but just in case : back off alcohol and if you ever forgive yourself, stick at a few drinks. Being blackout drunk is a disgrace to your status as a man.

vandaalen · 2017-09-18T18:17:33+00:00

I feel like a complete piece of shit right now.

And rightfully so.

If it isn't clear anyways: Stop drinking. You have a serious problem with alcohol if things like these happen.

You fucked more up than you can even think of. I guarantee you that in any serious fight you two will be having in the future, this will inevitably come up.

She will use it to play the victim card, she will use it to guilt trip you, she will use it to provoke you, she will use it to test your frame and she will use it as an excuse for every wrong she will ever do to you. She will even use it to justify cheating on you, if she ever will.

She will always and forever be "the one who took you back although you are an abusive asshole" in her eyes and the eyes of everybody you two know and there is nothing that you can do about it.

Enjoy the pool full of diarrhea that you took a dive into.

MattyAnon · 2017-09-18T18:21:32+00:00

Apparently while I was there I grabbed my girlfriend by the neck while she was talking to some other people and pulled her over so that she would talk to me.

Girls exaggerate. Might not have happened.

While we were outside and arguing, I'm told I slapped her in the face.

Again, might not have happened as described by others.

For the remainder of the night, I tried to get in contact with her while I was being berated and condemned by her friends.

Right.

How would you recommend I go about making up for this complete loss of frame

First and foremost you have a problem with alcohol. You can't remember what happened. This puts you in a very dangerous position. You need to fix this or you will get your life utterly fucked sooner or later. As in "in prison being fucked by bubba" fucked.

If you can't drink normally then don't drink at all. You are responsible (as a man) for all your actions, regardless of drink.

I am absolutely mortified at myself for getting violent with a girl.

I don't know if it is as described. Sadly neither do you.

All of my gf's friends (who were previously friends of mine) now hate me, they publicly berated me on social media trying to turn other friends against me, and while reciprocity with them seems completely out of reach I just want to convey to them how sorry I am for being violent.

This is just making it all worse. SAY NOTHING.

Could be that they are all exaggerating and then backing each other up to shame and attack you. Or it could have happened. Any which way, apology will just come across as WEAK. They will say "sorry isn't good enough" and then attack you harder.

DO NOT ADMIT ANYTHING - there are legal consequences for doing so. And as you've seen, females and their friends are only too willing to report you to authorities.

My girlfriend is being supportive, as she wasn't physically hurt by the incident, just rattled.

You don't remember what happened, so you say to her "I have no memory of X night. Whatever happened that night will not happen again because that's the last time I will get that drunk". Then stick to it.

resolutions316 · 2017-09-18T20:17:13+00:00

Like others here have said, you massively fucked up.

Assuming you are the bigger/stronger one in your relationship...you wield a huge amount of power.

I know, for a fact, that I could kill my wife in a fight. That's a real thing. And I have a temper! I've had one since I was a kid.

I could hide from that truth. I could pretend it isn't true.

Instead, I own it. I barely drink. I meditate. I've studied ways of controlling myself. I read about frame and philosophy in order to understand the impact I could have on the world.

That's my responsibility. It's yours too, if you give a shit.

It's OK to apologize when you massively fuck up. Do it, mean it, and permanently change your behavior so this never happens again. Otherwise, you're just an abuser, unable to control his dark side.

The_Phoenecian · 2017-09-18T18:06:52+00:00

If you're in a relationship, its because you're ready for one. If you can't control yourself, your emotions, or your relationship, you're not ready. Monk mode needs to be engaged. Apologize to her, excuse yourself from the relationship and focus on yourself. I would consider you lucky no white knights were around too fuck you up when you wouldn't have been able to defend yourself.

Good luck buddy.

LordThunderbolt · 2017-09-18T20:50:46+00:00

The good news is that you didn't kill her. The better news is that you know FOR SURE that not only are u moron for getting blackout drunk, but you're also a fucking scumbag for hitting your girl in the face in public.

Do both yourselves a favor and break up with her. You're not fit to be in a relationship with your alcohol problem. Worry about getting that under control first before upstart dating again.

wheresMYsteakAt · 2017-09-18T20:53:31+00:00

Apparently while I was there I grabbed my girlfriend by the neck while she was talking to some other people and pulled her over so that she would talk to me. A random girl saw this and asked my girlfriend if she was ok. This girl then notified a security staff member of the bar, who led myself and my gf to the courtyard area of the bar.

Weird. They didn't throw you out but instead escorted you to another area where you could argue? Something isn't adding up here. I'm starting to wonder if the slap is real.

Either way if your girl is going along with the story it's time to dump her. Either you really did or you really didn't but at this point frame is gone. This sucks, I understand that.

BlueAdmir · 2017-09-18T21:18:54+00:00

How would you recommend I go about making up for this complete loss of frame?

Words speak harder than actions. Apologies don't mean shit if they are not backed by actions. Stop drinking you alcoholic in making.

7Fig · 2017-09-18T22:22:49+00:00

This isn't a loss of frame. This is you being a total fucking idiot. Getting drunk and assaulting another human isn't a TRP issue you're just a turd. The solution is easy. Stop drinking and act like a man.

desno · 2017-09-18T20:58:02+00:00

I'm putting myself in your situation. As in what would I do?

So here's what I think I would do.

First yes, I would feel like a piece of shit. You know you're better than this. If the drink is to blame, then stop drinking, at least temporarily, and if you decide to start again, know your limits! There's always the option to quit. I would think long and hard about this.

Now that you've dealt with yourself, time to deal with others. Wait for your GF to message you and see how that goes. You have to be willing to walk away at this point. Depending on the girl it just won't be the same, for better or for worse.

I would delete all the social media apps off your phone. Not delete accounts but just stay away from that shit because people will be attacking you from all sides. Keep frame if people confront you about it. Admit that you were drunk and dont remember, but if what was said was true then it is terrible. You could even deflect it by talking about the bad parts of drinking and how it's made you consider quitting.

RPxx666 · 2017-09-18T18:11:29+00:00

On one hand if she says she's okay then she might be okay. I've had similar occurrences and it never ended anything.

On the other hand my occurrence never went bl public. As long as you are tied to this girl this reputation will be in a stronger state. If you broke things off and deleted all of her friends it might lessen the public blow.

RPShitlord · 2017-09-19T12:04:32+00:00

Dump the bitch. She should have backed you up to the nosy bitch snitch. Instead she started arguing with you.

Any woman you're committed to needs to live in your reality. And that means defending you to complete strangers who make assumptions and get security involved.

Stop drinking if you can't control it.

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-09-18T19:35:31+00:00

What i have learned with blackout drinking is that brain sometimes or quite often actually generate false memories. And its actually scientifically proven also.

I wouldnt pay attention anyone else but the girl u had incident. Say just that u did wrong and if she cant drop it and move forward then u have to take a loss. Only thing u can do is keep the remaining frame u have and not appologise more than once.

Kisstafer1 · 2017-09-19T01:59:03+00:00

Break up with her , and only take her back when she comes crawling. This way she can't use this as leverage in the future

Title	I hit my girlfriend when I was blackout drunk
Author	The_Phoenecian
Upvotes	4
Comments	28
Date	September 18, 2017 5:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/70wo65/i_hit_my_girlfriend_when_i_was_blackout_drunk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-hit-my-girlfriend-when-i-was-blackout-drunk.114595 https://theredarchive.com/post/114595