I used to meet a lot of women who allegedly loved me more than any man they’d ever had previously, but went to great lengths to never, ever have sex with me. They weren’t virgins; many had quite the history with men. But I still never got anywhere. Their reasoning was grounded in woman-logic: "I've been hurt by a lot of assholes in the past, and I really care about you, so I want to do this right" or some variation of that.
If you’re a loser, upon hearing that, you’ll think to yourself, “Oh, joy! I’m totally not an asshole, and she notices that and is rewarding me with a real [non-sexual] relationship instead of a shallow one that’s going to fail! I’m so lucky! I’ll wait forever for such a wonderful person! I should find something nice to do for her right now to let her know how grateful I am!”
Here's how that woman-logic sounds to a real guy: "Other men worse than you have gotten farther with me, in less time, with less of an emotional and financial investment. But because I care more about you, I am making you jump through hoops and making you spend a greater amount of time and resources to get less far with me. Because I care more about you. What? Why are you looking at me like that? This makes perfect sense. Yes, giving less to people I care about more makes sense."
Here's what the girl really means: "I've pegged you for a chump. I don't think you have options with other women, and I don't think you're willing to walk away, so I'm going to frame this relationship on my terms. We fuck when I want to, and that's going to be after I've made you jump through a bunch of hoops to prove you're my little compliant bitch who's going to give me all the time, resources, and validation I want, at will. If you were a real man, you’d have fucked me already, but I’ve cast you for the role of bitch. I don’t care about you. I care about me. I don’t even like you. Sex is reserved for real men. You’re not a real man. You’re my bitch.”
Here’s the kicker: Most women don’t know that they really mean this. They just know that the validation feels good, and that a guy who keeps validating them without sex makes them feel powerful, happy, and better about themselves. When any woman hears the line of girl logic, “I’ve been hurt in the past,” it makes perfect sense to them – she’s screwed up by giving it up too easily before and wants to stop screwing up. By stop screwing up, they mean that she needs to do a better job of withholding sex to bait men into doing shit for her to earn it. They don’t know they mean that, but that’s what they mean.
Only in the eyes of a woman does it make sense to give less to a man that you love more. But that’s the rationalization kicking in. If a woman is giving you less, and making you do more for it, that’s the exact opposite of loving you more. Being stingy with affection is the opposite of love. Requiring an exchange of favors rather than just giving of yourself is the opposite of love.
It’s a difficult truth to admit and to accept, not just for us, but for women, too. I think on some level, they want to love that nice guy who’s going out of his way for them, but they just don’t. They can’t. But they tell themselves that they do, and that they’re just taking it slow to avoid getting hurt like they have in the past. Because they love him more. And if things don’t work out, he’s still a great guy – the chemistry just wasn’t there. And if they slip up and screw some hot guy from work, it was a mistake. They don’t love that guy. They love the nice guy, don’t they? They were just drunk.
“I’ve been hurt in the past and want this to be different,” is nothing more than an insidious shit test. By complementing you, telling you that you’re different from every other guy, that you’re not an asshole or a douche, and that she loves you more than every previous man, you’re off-guard when in combination with all of that praise, she denies you sex. Because she loves you more.
[–]Endorsed ContributorLastRevision126 points127 points128 points (31 children) | Copy
[–]heist_of_saint_graft50 points51 points52 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]zernoise13 points14 points15 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]bleh3215 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]QueenSpicy-1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy
[–]SlopyLefthanded0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]RedPillScare0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]QueenSpicy0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]heyarnold4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]torrentialtomato2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]HeadingRed1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]a_chill_bro63 points64 points65 points (8 children) | Copy
[–]angryadult38 points39 points40 points (6 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]lillojohn4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]The_Floating_Dick0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1rp-oldgame3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorLastRevision52 points53 points54 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1kick624 points25 points26 points (8 children) | Copy
[–]Sabarot4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]winnnnnnnnn5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 19 points20 points21 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Tyger-Tyger6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]torrentialtomato3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]adamlikesprettygirls1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]1kick60 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Nacgt_the_Elyts1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributor30303030303030113 points114 points115 points (17 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 78 points79 points80 points (13 children) | Copy
[–]semigod__54 points55 points56 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]heist_of_saint_graft47 points48 points49 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points (7 children) | Copy
[–]2comment23 points24 points25 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributornyrp18 points19 points20 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]ilike2partyhowaboutu7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]GerhardtDH1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2johnnight0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]AveofSpades2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Soulforge1170 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ilike2partyhowaboutu26 points27 points28 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]2comment23 points24 points25 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]RedPillScare4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FindMitch97 points98 points99 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]hntr160 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Modredpillschool100 points101 points102 points (24 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributorgekkozorz92 points93 points94 points (23 children) | Copy
[–]berlinerbolle64 points65 points66 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana48 points49 points50 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]sanookboy29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]TfahsNoriEht-4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]badboystwo15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorRS736 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum5 points6 points7 points (6 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]2comment30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 48 points49 points50 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1BaeCaughtMeJackinOff-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]no_game_player0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]niceguy_gone_cad0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]GoGreenGiant10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 75 points76 points77 points (1 child) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]Sabarot1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]Tringi1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]RedPillScare2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Schipannschwahh21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]through_a_ways8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Sabarot4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]pcadrian 17 points17 points17 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]DayCount148 points149 points150 points (29 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]mabden50 points51 points52 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]2johnnight14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]turnballZ2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 86 points87 points88 points (17 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 11 points11 points11 points | Copy
[–]Hardparty18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]dsade69 points70 points71 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]Evers8913 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]totorox2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]turnballZ5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2comment4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Heuristics3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Sub8male1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Aaron5650 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]totorox-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]turnballZ10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]The_Floating_Dick4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]happyhorse_g1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RojoEscarlata-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]no_game_player14 points15 points16 points (2 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]hntr160 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ilike2partyhowaboutu40 points41 points42 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]chill_geddy2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RevBoni13 points14 points15 points (18 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 114 points115 points116 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]redpilltree11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Grimmov12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Relaxation13 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mojo_magnifico2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]niceguy_gone_cad2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]torrentialtomato5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]-RobotDeathSquad-2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]md6196 points7 points8 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]2emptyform5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mojo_magnifico0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]md6190 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]James_Coook2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1rp-oldgame93 points94 points95 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]semigod__28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum16 points17 points18 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BetamaxFaggle5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]varisforge6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]LordPubes0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]LostontheAverage9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributorredpillbanana28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]MartialWay7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Laughing_Jelly_Bean10 points11 points12 points (9 children) | Copy
[–]FindMitch35 points36 points37 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]no_game_player11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Ovadox3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]BetamaxFaggle4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mbr9020005 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]rztzz13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Laughing_Jelly_Bean1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed Contributornyrp9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]thenoobtubekillboob6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]16 TRP VanguardTRPsubmitter4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]bama79rolltide5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]AgentSmith273 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]molecularpanda4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Fuck_off_Mr_Lehey4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]take_it_easy_dude2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 16 points17 points18 points (4 children) | Copy
[–]take_it_easy_dude-1 points0 points1 point (3 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1independentmale10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Ovadox4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Humankeg2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]J2Me2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]LordPubes8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]suscitare7 points8 points9 points (4 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]through_a_ways7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Ovadox-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]Ricky_Spanissh1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]MartialWay2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mrdenver1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]rztzz1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]torchbearer1011 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]dirksqjaw1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]niceguy_gone_cad1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]EricTheRedd1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]barbacoabeans1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]James_Coook1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]barbacoabeans0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Budman17r0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Ua070 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]fletch6260 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]adamlikesprettygirls0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]PISSALLOVERME0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]∞ Mod | RP Vanguardbsutansalt0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]roadywan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]fasterfind0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]koldkalamity0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]jadedspade0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]jadedspade0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]ArniePalmys-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]ArniePalmys3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]borderrat-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]Gfresh4050 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Cat226-3 points-2 points-1 points (5 children) | Copy
[–]BetamaxFaggle3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Cat226-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy
[–]MartialWay4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Cat226-2 points-1 points0 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]MartialWay4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum-2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy
[+]lawofmurraycomment score below threshold-8 points-7 points-6 points (17 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (15 children) | Copy
[–]lawofmurray-1 points0 points1 point (14 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (13 children) | Copy
[–]lawofmurray-2 points-1 points0 points (12 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (11 children) | Copy
[–]lawofmurray0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (9 children) | Copy
[–]lawofmurray0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy
[–]MartialWay4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[+]scazreletcomment score below threshold-15 points-14 points-13 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 14 points15 points16 points (7 children) | Copy
[+]scazreletcomment score below threshold-9 points-8 points-7 points (6 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger[S] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]2johnnight3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–] points points points | Copy
[–]scazrelet-4 points-3 points-2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]Pureburn3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]scazrelet-3 points-2 points-1 points (0 children) | Copy