Saw this in r/relationships. Was able to copy the text before it got deleted. I guess she couldn't handle the heat people were giving her hahaha
TLDR - Before my vacation i [F24] asked my boyfriend [M25] to open our relationship temporarily. Now hes regularly having sex with some girl in our apartment and im heartbroken
Im pretty fucking upset rigth now , Im going to do my best to explain everything thats happened.
Ive had an extended holiday (3 months) planned with my best friend (Tory) for years. We have always talked about it and my boyfriend (Daniel) knew we were going to do it. She finally finished college this December and we put our plan into action.
Another friend (Michelle) went on a similar trip years ago. She and her friend both had longterm boyfriends at the time, and they both ended up cheating on the trip. A while later their friendship fell apart, and they both revealed each others infidelity. It got ugly. Michelle and her boyfriend broke up, her (ex)friend stayed with her boyfriend but from the sounds of it their relationship was severely damaged.
At first i thought they were absolutely horrible for doing it, but after talking to her i could see their side of things - months of no sexual contact/release, being in a party atmosphere, of course there would be temptation. She's young, attractive and gets lots of male attention. The encounter was purely sexual, she was drunk, and they used protection. The next day the boy was out of her life completely and that was it. I vehementely disagreed with doing all this behind her boyfriends back though.
Talking with Michelle about a month ago, she asked what im going to do about Daniel. I honestly hadnt thought about it like that, i felt like i could easily go 3 months without having sex. And id never want to betray Daniel's trust. But Michelle made a good case for 'opening' our relationship while i was away - she said (paraphrasing): "Of course you love Daniel. But traveling is about experiencing new things, and that includes sex. Youll say it wont happen now, but you just have to trust me that once youre their youll feel different. Daniel is going to wonder either way if youre fucking other guys on your trip. Just be upfront with him and see what he says."
And so that night i talked to him about it. I explained that i wasnt going to be looking to fuck every guy i see that im attracted to, and that my love for him was as strong as ever, but i also wanted to be able act freely and party like other girls my age. It was more contingency if anything - i dont plan on fucking other guys, but if it happens it happens. A nigth of partying half the world away with people ill never see again shouldnt ruin what we had here. Id insist on using protection. And of course he would have the same opportunity as me, he would be able to freely see girls if he chose to. He wasnt happy, but said he understood. He said "Youve tied my hands. If i tell you i forbid it, ill still be worried if youre being true to your word. By expressing that this is what you want, theres nothing i can do to stop you".
Daniels a bit of a homebody - he goes out with his friends on occassion, but most nights he spends in our apartment playing video games or watching netflix. Given his lifestyle i wasnt overly worried hed be hooking up with all these random girls.
Me and Tory left on February 17. Its been eye-opening and a ton of fun. But its also been stressful. We havent done any partying, we talked to some guys one night but nothing came of it. Tonight i checked my email at an internet cafe and there was a message from Kay, a sweet old lady who lives above us in our apartment complex.
"I have debated for days whether to send this to you and potentially ruin your vacation. But you deserve to know the truth. Daniel has been seeing another woman since you left. There is no doubt that he is seeing her, she has come over most nights and I have heard them being intimate. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry."
I thought i could handle this open relationship arrangement. I cant. This message shattered my heart into a million pieces. This isnt what i intended at all, i wanted the freedom to act in the moment. He is taking this as a free pass to regularly fuck some girl. And i have a feeling i know exactly who it is, a girl from his work who was always overly flirty with him.
I regret ever taking Michelles advice and opening my stupid mouth. I dont want him to fuck other girls, i dont want to fuck other guys. I want this slut out of my apartment NOW!!! I am a fucking wreck and need other womens opinions. Tory has been so unhelpful, basically telling me to grow up and that i got what i asked for. No shit?! People arent allowed to change their minds or regret their decisions?!
How do I go about contacting him and expressing that this needs to stop NOW without coming across like a crazy hypocritical bitch? And let him know that i will be 100% faithful on my trip? I dont even know how i am going to look at him when i get home. I am beyond hurt, this feels so wrong and so sick.
I am going to bed now to try and get some sleep, i will check and respond to all comments tomorrow morning. Thank you :(
EDIT: guys, seriously stop it. I know i fucked up, i brought it all on myself. Kicking me while im down isnt helping. Im not asking for your opinion on my stupid selfish decision, im asking the best way to approach this and fix it.
Tory says i should email him saying "what i said before about opening our relationship was a mistake. I havent slept with anyone here and i dont want to. Youre my parter and i dont want to compromise what we have. Please be faithful as I will be to you. I love you." Simply dont tell him about Kay's email or that i know there's another woman. Thoughts?
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[–]Gyaltso1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]Gyaltso0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2comment23 points24 points25 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]RC_52136 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]refrigeratorbob0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Starcraft_III0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]RAL900010 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Mechanik_J12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]AVeryMadFish29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]vanzant381 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]bama79rolltide17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]Totsean8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]charlie_bodango9 points10 points11 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]batman506 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]JustThrewUp2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy
[–][deleted] 8 points8 points8 points | Copy
[–]Pushnikov4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorrebuildingMyself7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]A_Seabear7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]watersign8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Kharn06 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]yourbrotherrex6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FortunateBum68 points69 points70 points (16 children) | Copy
[–]carrotplanter123 points124 points125 points (10 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan77 points78 points79 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardHumanSockPuppet25 points26 points27 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]UnimpressedAsshole46 points47 points48 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]LinkenSphere8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]1FloranHunter2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]MockingDead2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]InferiousX11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]korzybski6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]PolegarVermelho 28 points28 points28 points [recovered] | Copy
[–]colovick5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]MockingDead1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]thekidfromthegutter7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]1kick65 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]kragshot7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]fuk_offe8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]nuone9911 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Hrel16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]cbarrett19893 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]mechakingghidorah5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]fuk_offe5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]infapwetrust5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2johnnight8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]dancingwithcats4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Nemester4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]CAinCa4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]clandestinewarrior4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TP_24 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Peripheryy3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]HotBrudded4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]impuls3iv3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]wheres_the_k3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]closetothesilence2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]drqxx8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]nuone994 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]czworooki4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Just_for_boobs3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TRPtruth3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]hashtagpound2point24 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]opencover1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]wolololololololo3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
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[–]magical_artist4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]i-like-boobs2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]AlmostRP2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]zirzo2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]2 Senior Endorsed Contributorvengefully_yours2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]themasterof3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]MagicGainbow6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy
[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]malignantbacon1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Mitchell781 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Gfresh4051 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]PUAreadingmaterial1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]bam2_891 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
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[–]monogamousprostitute1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]luxury_banana1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy
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[–]vanzant381 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]brons1041 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]4vox11 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]1KyfhoMyoba1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]Inventi1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]canadianbud4201 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]luxury_banana5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]bassivemalls0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]lorde_i_am_laffin0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]i3unneh0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy
[–]CaptainDerpknocker0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
[–]FailedPrayer0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy
[–]nuone990 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]Kelly_Gruber0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]dave_is_not_here0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]DirtyD270 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy
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[–]jacksbane0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy