I'm starting to think I've bought into some kind of pipe-dream.

I get some attention on Tinder and have slept with maybe 30 women over the last few years, primarily from that -- mostly attractive, few regrets.

My social game is seriously lacking. I'm confident in myself and what I have to offer, but I'm simply not a very chatty person. This seems like a bit of a problem if I'm attempting to hook up through any kind of night game. The only time this has happened is if I've hung around at a bar casually on the way home near closing time, kept my body language open, and engaged with any chicks who have engaged with me. Not very proactive.

Anyway, I went out tonight and there was a couple of cute chicks playing pool.. and for some reason my thoughts are always of "I'm just not attractive enough to hook up with any of these chicks". I think it's largely due to me being 5'9 and skinhead. I have decent facial aesthetics (helps on Tinder), I go to the gym a few times a week, and I dress well (though still improving), but I do feel completely outclassed when in night venues simply because of the amount of conventionally attractive guys walking around.

I'm happy to go out on my own and use that as an opportunity to improve my social skills and (hopefully) hook-up skills, but I really do feel like maybe it would be wiser for me to give it up and focus on picking up women some other way.

I'm in the middle of Thailand for christ sake, have my own decent condo, don't really want for anything (except more access to pussy), surrounded by gorgeous women, and just cannot seem to embody any kind of entitlement when it comes to them. The abundance is right in my face and I still cannot reach out and seize it because every rejection puts into question my worth, and I always think "why would she choose me over them".

Surprisingly, I've actually come a long way in the last 3 years. I would have been crippled by the thought of going out alone. I feel like I'm fluctuating -- like I have increased my SMV to a great degree and am actually a really good catch in that sense, but my emotions refuse to catch up to this reality. I still feel mostly powerless. I KNOW there is an abundance of pussy, and yet how can I really accept that until I have an abundance of hot pussy in my bed?