Does being aggressive or fighting increase social status?

strategos_autokrator · 2015-08-07T11:40:55+00:00

This is known as the "monkey dance". A good book about this subject is "Meditations on Violence" by Rory Miller.

In a nutshell, men, especially young men, are all very insecure and desperate to determine social status. This status is determined by who has the stronger frame, and if two frames clash, it can lead to violence to determine who is more alpha. Example "Who are you looking at?" and then a stare down that can lead to a fight.

As men age, the structures are more rigid, and men feel less insecure.

The book explains how sometimes insecure men pick on smaller targets out of desperation, to feel more alpha, but this can backfire if society sees them as insecure bullies. So, if you are insecure, don't start fights thinking it will make you alpha, it is just a sign of weakness.

The key is for you to have frame. It is your frame that nobody can move. You can talk yourself out of a situation peacefully and still maintain frame. When you join the monkey dance, in a way, you are operating in the frame of the other person that wants to pick a fight. If your frame is to have a good time, and you buy into their frame, psychologically, they overpowered you already.

The key to being alpha is to have a strong frame. Think of yourself as the mafia boss who doesn't need to get his hands dirty becasue everyone respects him so much. Don't act like the desperate low-life beating up people hoping the mafia boss notices and respects him.

Sepean · 2015-08-07T14:22:13+00:00

I fought a bit when I was younger. It doesn't give you status from my experience. Not the actual fighting at least, and street fights being what they are it doesn't make you a tough guy unless you actually get in tough fits and that shit is dangerous.

It's fucking dumb.

In my 30s I began doing MMA. That gives you some respect. People know how tough the training is and that you're sparring with skilled, fit opponents all the time, which is totally different from having been in a few drunken brawls. I don't think girls think much of it but I guess there is an indirect AMOG effect.

someboringdude · 2015-08-07T21:51:46+00:00

In my experience , yes. I was born in raised in Miami Florida. In a small city called Hialeah. Hialeah is filled with Cuban Americans. In Hialeah if you can't fight you are socially dead. My neighborhood in particular was extremely rough, we bordered a very tough black neighborhood. All those black kids went to school with us and it was a constant war. Only the strong survived. A propensity for violence was a sure way to gain social status. To this day, I am a living legend in Hialeah for the amount of ass whippings I handed out from elementary all the way to high school.

rockmasterflex · 2015-08-07T17:42:16+00:00

you want to have visible muscle mass so you never have to use your visible muscle mass to be in fights, which are generally bad for your health.

They "generate" respect, because nobody wants to mess with somebody who is built like a truck, except idiots.

monzzter221 · 2015-09-01T04:05:05+00:00

Generally, yes. Being able to hold your own and that fact being naturally made aware in your movement does add tremendous status to you.

However, context. If you beat up a guy for fucking your ex girlfriend you lose status. If you walk around picking fights, you may have status with other hotheads and skanky tat covered hoes but you actually lose status. If you can fight but you can also keep your cool you are good.

Desmond_Winters · 2015-09-02T10:42:21+00:00

With any combat sport you will inevitably develop a certain sort of physique. You can usually tell the lifters apart from the fighters, although the line isn't so clear sometimes.

It's important to not be aggressive. It's just not a good look. It makes you seem insecure. Also, nobody wants to deal with "that guy" who most people know probably only talks the talk.

Knowing how to fight empowers you with silent confidence that, I personally think, is reflected in your mannerisms and the way you walk and talk. I think people are able to pick up on this, somehow.

Betterthanuatlife · 2015-09-20T20:03:30+00:00

Worked for a guy i slightly know. He gets in fight with random people just for the hell of it and he's got a pretty hot gf and nobody messes with him. However he never messes with me considering I'm both taller and have more muscles than he does (he's still strong as fuck I wrestled him once simply for fun and I would never have expected such a small guy to be so strong.) nor does he have any issues with me.

Title	Does being aggressive or fighting increase social status?
Author	Tojoz175
Upvotes	15
Comments	13
Date	August 7, 2015 11:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/becomeaman
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/becomeaman/comments/3g4aa8/does_being_aggressive_or_fighting_increase_social/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/becomeaman/does-being-aggressive-or-fighting-increase-social.137592 https://theredarchive.com/post/137592