In case you had missed this train wreck you can find it here:
r/TheRedPill/comments/218sam/beta_husband_falls_for_the_polyamory_trap_lets/
Pseudo-Intellectual agrees to let wife fuck other men in order to "save" his marriage. She runs hard "psych" warfare on the guy. Convinces him that it is all his fault that the marriage is failing and nothing to do with her infidelity.
Every time he thinks he's getting the raw end of the deal she gaslights him. Tells him know he isn't giving polyamory a chance. She goes so far as to say that he is sabotaging her.
Guy wimpers, "Why can't I just be loved?"
Some of what he wrote is so cringe-worthy that it hurts:
"My wife is still friendly with me. We talk a lot, but she is tired of hearing me "complain". She hasn't exactly said it but intimates that her new sex life is much more satisfying than her old. She sleeps in our bed most nights. She allows me to massage, caress, and masturbate her. She occasionally condescends to give my limp penis a few pats. I have not had an orgasm in her presence in at least 4 months."
"As I said. We talk a lot. I mentioned that I feel like her friend without benefits. She said my complaining is unattractive and not helping the situation. I went from confidently straddling the world of corporate power to feeling like a wimpy nerd. OK, I have always been a nerd."
"I feel like I will never be loved again. I feel like I have no value to women and am a terrible lover. I even asked if I was a terrible lover, and she wouldn't say no. There was an occasion when we took a bath together, I massaged her for an hour after. She said she was horny. She got dressed and drove to her FWB leaving me naked on the bed with my jaw hanging open."
"I drove to work in a bad mood. I mostly forgot about everything as my mind focussed on work. At the end of the day, I suggested that wife and kids and I all go out for Thai food. She agreed. We had a nice meal, but the whole time I was thinking: "She wasn't in the mood for sex with me, but she had sex at least twice last night with her lover.""
"No doubt the problem is inside me. I'm seeing a psychologist. I don't know how to fix myself. I won't be happier divorced, but I feel lonely. I can't help thinking that if I am lonely, I might as well be alone."
Followup: Wife and I talk a lot. We always communicated well in the past. She is in bed with me almost every night. We have hectic lives chauffeuring kids to events, sports, homework, meals, chores, etc.
Wife elaborated on her comment that "I haven't given Polyamory a chance." She says that I should get out and date because I shouldn't rely on her to meet all my emotional needs for affection or sex. She says it's not fair for me to complain that my needs aren't being met. She says of course they aren't. The whole point of polyamory is to have many loves and get my needs met through a combination of all of them. I shouldn't depend on any one person.
Wife says that she hasn't been sexually attracted to me recently and doesn't owe me sex just because we are married. She says my "constant" complaints make me particularly unattractive to her. She doesn't want to sleep with someone who is begging.
Wife concedes that she's on an emotional high experiencing the newness of a loving sexual relationship with her lover. She says she also gets validation from the casual sex with her FWB. She says her desires for sex are completely met by lover and FWB. When she is home with me, she is tired and stressed and busy and anything but aroused. She visits her lover to recharge.
Wife emphasizes that nothing is stopping me from having a lover or lovers, getting all the sex I want, and basking in the glow of new love. I shouldn't be reliant/dependent on getting those things from her. I shouldn't ask/demand what she doesn't want to freely give. I am being codependent, excessively needy, and unsupportive of her new relationships.
Wife says my requests for sex are suspiciously timed with her dates. She thinks I am trying to derail her plans and talk her into standing-up her lover who also has a busy life and struggles to find time. She is busy and stressed and my requests are just one more chore for her right now. I should stop being jealous and have compersion.
She is reading over my shoulder as I type this.
She came home early from work after reading posts in this thread. She says my post was one sided, and she resents most people piling on her unsympathetically. She and I are together almost every day. She only sees her lover once or at most twice a week.
If she doesn't feel like cuddling or having sex with me, it's perfectly understandable since she is stressed during the day, and my neediness is the straw that is breaking her back regarding time management and keeping the family functioning with chores, chauffeuring, etc.
She says if I did more of the chores, she might have more time for cuddling and might even feel appreciative and want to cuddle me.
She just said she loves me.
The problem for me is that I don't feel it. It seems I sense love through touch. Just hearing the words doesn't make me feel it. She says she will cuddle me right now, but she needs to get the work she brought home finished.
Follow-up Follow-up: Cuddling is over. Wife kept checking her phone. She wasn't into it. I'm going out now to distract myself from negative emotions.
THE AFTERMATH:
We have separated finances into "hers", "mine", and "ours". The "ours" primarily covers children's private school, groceries, clothes etc.
Wife is now paying the mortgage on her own and may just pay off the mortgage entirely to get that out of her/our hair. I don't know if wife has either or both of her lovers sleep in the house.
I bought a condo a few miles from the house and no longer live under the same roof with wife. [I got the "show" condo in the complex - (the second to last unit to sell) I just moved last weekend] Wife and I hardly talk. The kids don't talk about the separation to me. When kids and I are together, it seems "normal".
I have been stood up for two dates with two different women although in one case, the date was for a walk and did not imply anything romantic. I was hopeful though.
I want a divorce primarily because I can't seem to get a date while married. Plenty of Fish kicked me off when I set my status to married. OKCupid has been a wasteland for me.
I have not experienced any physical affection, sex, or even caring adult conversation since I moved out. I'm despondent about it. I've lost 15lbs mostly because I don't eat anymore.
For those who say I have not "really" failed at polyamory: Respectfully, stop talking out your ass. My wife verified that she is still desired. She started a fulfilling new adventure full of hormones, sex, and emotional validation. I have not had a date. I have verified that I am effectively undatable. Wife says I can come home, but why would I?
Divorce is in progress and will not be contested.
I will say it again: Polyamory is a woman's game as far as I can tell.
I have now met a few poly "groups", and all of them have been one woman with two or more men. I have a small sample - anecdotes don't mean anything, yada-yada.
I restate my advice:
If you are a man who isn't declining multiple female advances per month, you are a fool to try polyamory. All you will be doing is sharing your wife, and you will get the smallest share.
My wife discovered that she much preferred the sex and companionship of her lovers to anything she had in her marriage. In my opinion, she threw away the marriage. I can't wait for it to be over. I deserve to be loved.
tl;dr: If you are a man who isn't declining multiple female advances per month, you are a fool to try polyamory. All you will be doing is sharing your wife, and you will get the smallest share.
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