The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane inspired me to reflect on my life, and the benefits of acting charismatically. I encourage you to either read her book, or watch her lecture here. Today, I’ll speak about a few examples of charismatic behavior in my life, why this skill is pivotal in being the best version of yourself, and show you just how easy this skill is to develop. By following the correct patterns of behavior, people will magnetize towards You. It is a science, based on facts, evidence and trials. Take that we are social primates, we are extremely predictable.
\t It was late at night, and my friends and I decided to hit up the local Tim Hortons, just to catch up and shoot the shit. They live much closer to this place thus they arrived. I saw them seated down already and the first thing I did was acknowledge that I see them as I walked through the door. Never pretend you do not see an acquaintance, always acknowledge their existence. I made eye contact very briefly with the group, and gave a small gesture indicating that I was going to grab my drink before I sat down. All this communicated non-verbally with eye-contact, head/hand gestures. Non-verbal communication is more useful than verbal communication most of the time. Remember at night time, there is no point in being a loud chimp in a quiet and peaceful time of day.

If there is a particular person you like, maintain strong eye contact, hold the glance a tad more than is comfortable. Eye contact is the first step in opening a pathway for communication. I maintained eye contact with a girl that I had not yet met that was sitting among my friends. Once strong eye-contact is established, assume that you have received an invitation for dialogue. \t\t I head directly toward to the counter and following closely behind me is much larger man, more than 6’ tall, weighing over 250lbs, lumberjack look. This guy is a like a shadow that hovers a little close for comfort, but hey, boundaries are imaginary. \t\t

The cashier doesn’t even see me and my giant shadow instantly received the attention. She ignored me completely and was watching him, and greets him first “Hi! How can I help you?” Granted I am short and her counter is blocked up.

No way in hell was that shit cool with me, I was in line first, I want my shit, and this guy gets the attention? No fuck that, this is when you bring out the inner monkey: speak slowly, clearly and deeply.
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I peer over the donut glass case blocking her view of me and look directly in the eyes and say “excuse me, I am the next customer in line, He is second. Why does he get to go first?”. Here's the important thing: what I say is not important, HOW I SAY IT IS EVERYTHING.

What is important is:

(1) Establish eye contact, remember eye contact is the first step in opening a pathway for communication.

(2) Use a deep, slow, and loud voice to interrupt her train of thought. This causes her brain to telescope her chimp brain to the threat in her immediate vicinity.

(3) Disengage her fear by giving a choice, asking a question disarms her fear, but also causes her to engage in conversation. \t

She immediately realized her mistake, apologized, and asked me what I would like. I acted very slowly and deliberately, I emphasized the first sentence by making it clear, slow and low. I said, “That’s okay, it’s late at night, and it’s hard to see over the counter. Can I get a medium black coffee please? Thank you very much”. I am now rewarding her for changing her behavior, for acknowledging her mistake.

(1) Place the blame on a factor outside herself. I did not blame her nor her incompetence. I said it’s late at night, I am non-verbally saying, the mistake is not yours but rather the environment is rigged to set herself up for mistakes. The mistake is external. Neither of us are at fault.

(2) I am smiling with a wide smile, bright eyes, making eye contact. I am disarming her fear, and rewarding her as much as possible, because I now have what I wanted in the first place. My coffee and her attention.

(3) I also increased the octave of my voice to seem more chipper, rewarding her with joy, rather than punishing her with disdain.
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These three actions made her realize her mistake, acknowledge and solve the problem, and remain positive that the problem is not escalating but has become a moment of joy. Almost like a happy accident that we can laugh about. Even my shadow could not help but chuckle at the way we handled the dance.
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She came back out with coffee in just a few seconds and once again I acknowledge her existence with a smile and eye contact, gave her a thank you. Then only did I begin pulling my wallet out. I make the task of pulling my wallet out seem hard and burdensome because my sweater is blocking the pocket. This coincidence actually gave her opportunity to thank me more graciously for the way I handled the situation. She went around to her manager, and made an effort to give me a free coffee on the house. She explained the situation, and even put effort into convincing the manager to give me timbits for my friends as well. She was now doing more than necessary because she was in a positive mental state. People go out of their way to help positive, charismatic people.

Now I am happier as a result. This little moment, this dance that escalated into gestures of kindness for one another, rather than contempt, made me a happier person. I went to my table of friends with a gigantic grin on my face, proud of what had just occurred and thankful for my free coffee and timbits for everyone. They can’t help but notice how happy, giving and ecstatic I am, I greet each friend with a large smile, shining eyes, and joyous body language. They all revel in the positive energy that I brought into the table. Sharing this positive story with them also gave them inspiration of their own, and brought out more stories that escalated into more positivity and laughter.
\t Charisma is a fuel for an energy system: positive thinking. The more charismatic you are the more positive the world around you becomes. This creates an even more charismatic and positive representation of you in return. The small circle of friends are now exploring the positive experiences in their minds that connect to my experience, and that positive energy makes them feel good, and that feel-good sensation is now associated to me, yet I myself have done nothing but smile and say what’s on my tactically trained mind. These positive reinforcements shape my reality to a large degree, because the positive energy systems now provide me with confidence to deliver more experiences to the world around me. In a physical sense, this means that I walk around with a soft eyes, and a laidback smile, and an easy going and fulfilling life because I allow my body to react to experience of being in a positive mental state.

Let me know if you want a part 2: contains gaming that girl

TLDR: Learn how to be charismatic, makes your life more positive and you reap the rewards.