The Red Pill is a discussion of sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men. But have you ever noticed that while the Red Pill provides a plethora of sexual strategies for getting women into bed, it doesn't have any strategies for when they are in bed? This is a blind spot desperately begging to get filled. Which is why today GayLubeOil is going to fill it. Obviously the percentage of men here who have real sex with actual human females and can actually benefit from this post is low. Believe me I get that. This post is like Republican tax cuts, it favors the top 1%. However rather than getting mad at me for writing advice you will not be able to apply, be mad at yourself for being an unfuckable beta male who can't apply it. That's actually the first step to not being a beta male. It's called the anger phase, look it up.
Coom in Her Zoom: There are three types of men in this world. Normal Men who have sex with hot fertile college girls. Absolute degenerates who waste their precious creamy loads in the baren loins of dried up old grannies aka MILFs, and you who cums predominantly in his right hand but sometimes left. Now on the off chance that you are sexually involved with a college woman you know that she wastes an inordinate amount of time sitting in Zoom calls while diddling her smartphone out of view. Kindly take her cellphone out of her hand and replace it with your penis. There's a hundred people on that call, so someone spotting the swicheroo would be like finding Waldo on their first time.
Put a book up near the camera so it looks like she’s studying really hard and so you can obscure the transition of her body position. Next you’re going to need to reposition her hips so that they’re out of view while she leans her elbows on the desk. Be sure to waive to everyone else on the call, but not too obviously, since some teachers aren’t okay with someone else sitting in on the call if they aren’t in the class. You know what cums next. Coom in her Zoom! Wham, bam, thank you ma’am. After the fluid exchange is complete, disappear faster than Kenyan economist and notorious Cooter Looter: Barack Obama Sr.
The Reverse Blowjob: All right rational males, this one is a bit complicated so I'm going to have to ask you guys to take a deep breath and examine the facts, slowly one at a time. Sucking dick and being gay are synonymous. If a person sucks dick they are gay and if a person is gay they suck dick. Pretty simple right? Ok. Next people who stare at gays while sexually aroused are also gay. Ok. But here is a conundrum. Given the facts, how do you get a blowjob without being gay? Sounds impossible right? Wrong. Here's a secret /u/itiswr1tten taught me while we were flying on a private jet to Africa spreading WuhanFlu2, the updated version of the nonleathal KungFlu.
If you don't want to be gay. You gotta opt for the Reverse Blowjob. Walk into the kitchen (where women belong), assume the Superman power pose and confidently yell "Ay yo bitch hope you'se hungry cuz I got you a hot dog chicken nugget sandwich." Then perform a 180° spin jump and immediately upon landing pull down your cargo shorts, and hike your penis and testicles behind you while squatting like a linebacker. After the elegant gymnastics are over yell "I got you a treat bon appetit!" Women like french because it's romantic. This is the only sexual strategy that prevents you from making eye contact with the gay woman performing felacio. Unlike blowjobs which are gay, reverse blowjobs are straight because they are the reverse of gay.
The Halo Combat Evolved: People always tell you to never abandon your childhood dreams. But when was the last time you sat down and even remembered your childhood dreams? Can you even recall what they were? Or were your hopes and aspirations slowly replaced, pushed out by a steady monotonous hum of office work, spreadsheets and performance reviews? Luckily for you GayLubeOil is here to slap you awake from Corporate Corpse World of Blue Pill conditioning and reawaken your long dormant youthful virility.
So what even were your childhood dreams? You don't have to answer because I already know. Teabagging. You spent your childhood playing Halo, Call Of Duty, Team Fortress and Counter Strike while yelling racial slurs into a headset in a shrill prepubescent voice. But did you ever follow through on your dreams of teabagging in RL? No. Let's change that.
Just like in Halo, you gotta wait till she’s in a vulnerable condition, preferably on her back after a long day of making TikToks for the Communist Party of China . Go over, take a knee for Black Lives Matter, and fit your smooth sack into her Starbucks Frapachino basic bitch mouth hole. Then pull 'em out before dropping them back in like a teabag. Repeat for desired effect. This is a dangerous place for your boys to be in, so be sure that she’s awake and you never break eye contact. You're the Master Chief, make sure she understands this.
So what is the thesis of this post? Is it about sexually denigrating women by feeding them hot dog chicken nugget sandwiches and teabagging them like FPS noobs? Is this a roundabout attack on the university system which teaches women nothing of value and wastes their most fertile productive years? Yes but it's far more complicated than that. When supreme Alpha Genius GayLubeOil was writing this post he knew that he could piss off all of the stoic behavior guide spergs that just want an employee manual on how to get laid.
This post is a diagnostic. If a bro humor sex guide posted to a men's sexual strategy community upsets you it's because you're an uptight introverted Eliot Roger autist. The easiest way to out introverts is to write ultra extroverted. You're the problem. Women won't fuck you because not only are you not funny. You are anti-funny and anti-sex. Humor and sexual language upset you. You will never get laid because you are anti sex. Now get in my comments, tell me how mad you are and prove me right.
The world is rapidly changing. If you want to come out on top you should use this time to get in the best shape of your life mentally and physically. I’ve created a public Telegram channel, an uncensorable fortress, for my spiciest content that you won’t find on Reddit.
I’ve mentored thousands of men through fitness and philosophy coaching, here are a few of their experiences in their own words. You can contact me through that link or shoot me a PM if interested.
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