One of the biggest problems when it comes to dating advice for men is that they are told to be “confident.” The problem is that nobody knows what the word “confident” means. People describe confident men or give examples of confidence, but they can’t define the essence of what it is to be confident. It usually comes down to “I know it when I see it.”

The real word you are looking for is not confidence, but DOMINANCE. Girls want a guy who will take control of the situation, be the leader, not let himself be controlled or bullied by anybody, and generally not give a fuck what anybody thinks. Most of all, girls want a guy who doesn’t need anything (especially them) because a guy who needs things can be controlled and therefore is no longer dominant.

The word “confidence” comes from the Latin “con” + “fidence” and means “with faith.” So a “confident” person has faith that they will succeed in whatever they are trying to do. But the question is this: what are you trying to do? A confident basketball player has faith they will win. A confident teacher has faith she will do a good job teaching. But what goal are YOU trying to accomplish? Are you just trying to fuck girls? Well, then you’re not confident, because you are outcome dependent. Your goal is to be dominant, and you just need to have faith that you will succeed at being dominant.

Women are complex and have contradictory emotions. A big part of them wants a loving, sweet, caring, sensitive, emotional guy, but those desires are often overwhelmed by their much stronger, primal, irrational, subconscious, animalistic desire for a dominant man. Women’s desire for a dominant man is actually very unfortunate because it drives them away from the nice guy they want and need and towards literally the only guy who doesn’t give a fuck about whether they exist or not. This is why many women end up in abusive relationships or with “players” and get their hearts broken. Another reason this desire is unfortunate is because most men if given a position of dominance will abuse that power. In a healthy relationship the man leads on dates, takes control in the bedroom, controls the flow of conversations, acts as her emotional “rock,” etc… However, in reality most men abuse their dominance by becoming jealous, controlling, abusive, insulting, rude, arrogant, distant, disrespectful, etc…

Even worse, a lot of women don’t even know they desire dominance. They sometimes think they like “douchebags” or “arrogance” or “confidence.” Women sometimes say they like guys who are “confident” because it is embarrassing and degrading for them to admit they like dominant men. Feminists say women and men are equal but the sad fact is that women are attracted to men who do not treat them as their equal. Worse, women will often abandon their attractive, nice, stable, hard-working guy for a “bad boy” because there is a primal, irrational, insane urge for her to do so. That’s why women in relationships with “nice” guys often get confused and hate their own feelings because they feel emotionally distant from the guy who is rationally right for them. Because woman want a nice guy AND a dominant guy, they oftentimes date the “nice” guy but cheat on him with the side with a dominant guy.

Because women’s desire for dominant men is so damaging to themselves (and the men that like them), traditional societies tried to tame this urge by forcing women to get married and stay monogamous with the guy that is “right” for them. These societies also forced guys to supplicate to the women by buying her things and “courting” her, to prevent women from running off with the dominant guy that didn’t give a fuck about her. However, these traditional rules are slowly going away, and women will gravitate to dominant men and make terrible mistakes.

Here is the biggest mistake that men make: they don’t understand that women’s desire for a dominant man is a subconscious, irrational, primal, ape-like emotion and they think that women want guys with ACTUAL power. Of course, actual power and money helps, but what women really want is a guy that FEELS dominant. I will call this feeling the “power aura.” Whispering in a girl’s ear “I am the CEO of Microsoft” won’t get her pussy wet, but if you ACT the way a CEO would act women get turned on. That’s why in a strip club the DJ is more attractive than the millionaire investment banker. I party with celebrities sometimes and the girls end up fucking me instead of them just because the celebrities get needy.

The best way to be dominant is to find a dominant role model and emulate him. Some guys might pick Mick Jagger, some guys might pick Donald Trump, some guys might pick Jay-Z. Me? I go for the most dominant man of all: God. Whether or not you believe in religion, you have to admit that it says something about human nature that every culture worships some type of God which essentially boils down to a super-dominant man.

So how would God act? For one, he is having fun, because why not? He is God. Secondly, he is friendly to everybody and never mean unless somebody absolutely deserves it. Being mean is a defense mechanism for when we are threatened. Because God is dominant he is never threatened so he is never mean. Third, a dominant man act calm and never worry because there is nothing to worry about, ever. In fact, the archetype of the “cool” guy is the guy who is calm when other people are freaking out. One thing that really turns on girls is when shit gets crazy or dangerous in a situation and the guy keeps his calm. Dominant men control their emotions and they can have the worst night ever but still laugh on the way home. Dominant men also control the situation. If there is a problem, the dominant man quickly takes the lead and effortlessly solves it.

Fourth, a dominant man follows his own rules because he is in control – he makes the rules. This is why women like “bad boys.” Women are often attracted to criminals, guys with tattoos, guys with long hair, etc…, only because they act like they look unconstrained by society’s rules or powerful structures and therefore trick women into feeling like they are dominant. In reality, most bad boys are the scum of society and complete losers, but their “don’t give a fuck” attitude touches the same emotions in women that an alpha male or dominant man would. A lot of the most dominant men are really weird, aloof, or self-involved because they don’t care what anybody thinks. A dominant man doesn’t take shit from anybody, male or female. He has strong boundaries, is stubborn, and doesn’t bend to anybody’s will, even if they are right. He is ready to walk away at any time because he knows he can find better people and hotter girls whenever he wants.

Now here is the most important trait of a dominant man: he doesn’t need ANYTHING from ANYBODY. Not money, validation, love, sex, etc… A dominant man is completely self-contained and has complete control of his emotions. Nothing makes him upset or flustered or sad. If you NEED something then you can be controlled and if you can be controlled and you are not dominant. If I am a crack dealer and I know you need my crack and you can’t get it anywhere else then I can make you do anything I want. Of course, dominant men might WANT certain things, but if they ask once and they don’t get a favorable response they just move on. Paradoxically, the key to looking dominant is not trying to look dominant at all.

Won’t this make you an emotionless robot? No. You should still be emotional about your interests, career, and social causes. In fact, you should be emotional about those things to the point of obsession. Just don’t get emotional about people – especially people that haven’t earned the right for you to care about them. Don’t “fall in love” - it implies that you can see somebody, direct all your needy emotions towards them, and then expect them to reciprocate. Wrong! You shouldn’t become emotional towards somebody until they earn it. Furthermore, you can form deeper emotional connections with people if you are not emotional because your own emotional baggage is not clouding the interaction. A dominant man greets everybody with a smile, listens non-judgmentally when people talk, and treats them rationally.

Of course, all of this is easier said than done. In reality, your biology will be screaming at you to try to fuck the girl. You will want to stare at her, be nice to her, follow her around, take orders from her, confess your love, and lose track of all of your other interests and desires to focus on her. These feelings are natural and part of your biology. You also have to fight everything society and romantic comedies and common sense have ever told you about being “nice” to women. It also comports with common sense to be vulnerable and weak with somebody who is being vulnerable and weak with you. Resist! It is very hard for most men to act dominant when they like the girl – you will naturally want to emotionally connect and tell her about your weaknesses – that is why most guys only fuck girls that they don’t really care about. You also have to keep in mind that girls don’t want real dominance but the power aura, which is an emotional, irrational, cartoonishly exaggerated feeling of dominance. But if you can pull it off you will be a God amongst men.

Remember: women’s desire for a dominant man is entirely irrational. In the rational world, if one person in a relationship tried to be “dominant” over the other, they would be a douchebag. If your guy friends were trying to decide where to eat and you just said “we’re going to Olive Garden” and started going there without asking anybody you would be a selfish asshole. Unfortunately, that turns girls on. It’s normal for a guy to start to give up his dominance after he has been with the girl a while because he feels comfortable with her – but you have to resist because the urge for a dominant man never goes away.

You also need to keep in mind that unless you are a billionaire media mogul or a member of the Illuminati, there are no truly “dominant” men in our society. Remember, this desire is irrational and oftentimes an arrogant douchebag that looks homeless and smokes weed all day will FEEL more dominant to a woman than a successful lawyer making $200,000 a year. For this reason, a man has to ACT dominant, even if it’s counterintuitive or socially unacceptable. Sometimes you have to act arrogant or dismissive or cold-hearted even though an actually dominant man would not do those ugly things.

Back to confidence. Like we said, confidence is faith. A dominant man is confident because he has faith he will succeed at whatever he does. So when you talk to a girl you have to talk to her AS IF you are right, you know exactly what is happening, and what the outcome will be. If somebody says “is Wendy’s open?” you have to say “yes” as if you know that to be true and then start going, even if you aren’t sure. Yes, it’s stupid. Yes, it’s irrational. Yes, it’s douchey. But it’s a biological imperative. Most importantly, if you ask her something, you have to ask AS IF know she will say yes. In fact, take it one step further and pretend you are God and you can control her like a puppet and you are just asking as a formality. Of course, this is completely irrational. You have no way of knowing whether or not she will say yes, and if you don’t feel dominant to her you will come off looking like a creep or a douchebag. Furthermore, in real life a truly dominant man would be polite and humble. Doesn’t matter – you are not dealing with her rational thoughts but with her animal instincts. You have to talk to her like you are in complete control, you KNOW the outcome, and you have no fear or doubt that she will say yes. If she says no, stop, of course, but you have to ask as if that’s not even remotely a possibility.

It takes a lot of practice to act dominant. Remember, her rational brain will not be judging whether you are dominant. She will be sensing if you FEEL dominant on a primal, subconscious level. Our emotions subtly sense whether a person is the dominant alpha ape: their body language, their tone of voice, where their eyes are looking (a dominant man will make eye contact when talking to you but otherwise be looking around the room), little weird things they do, etc... The line is very subtle. If you are telling a story and she feels like you are trying to impress her or gain her validation, she loses attraction. If you are telling a story and she thinks you are just expressing yourself or are a nice person, you win. Just the way you stand and look around can give off either a vibe of dominance or desperation. That’s why some guys are super aggressive and still get girls – their body language, tone, etc… all comes from a place of dominance and not neediness. There is no handbook for how to act dominant or a set of lines you can memorize – you literally have to FEEL like you are in control like the master of the universe and act accordingly. Sometimes girls call a guy a “creep” not because he is doing anything overtly creepy, but because his body language is emitting neediness and inferiority. The power aura can only be sensed by the subconscious brain.

Don’t act mean or brag. Pretending to act dominant doesn’t work because her emotions are wired to sense real dominance (or at least, the real feeling of dominance). Pretending to be dominant is like a woman trying to act like she has big tits by putting basketballs in her shirt –it doesn’t work because deep down in their biology men can sense what boobs look like – same with women and dominance. To establish dominance, you have to do it subtly, through your body language and your reactions to certain situations and “shit tests.” You establish dominance on a subconscious level – on the surface, you act like a nice, sweet, sensitive, happy, guy who is interested in them and wants to have an interesting conversation, but at the same time with your body language and your words you make it clear that you are secretly the master of the universe: calm, not needy, don’t take shit from anybody, etc…

You can’t hit girls over the head with your dominance by bragging about how rich/powerful you are or by acting like an arrogant douchebag. Women are ashamed of their desire for a dominant man so if their rational brains pick up that you are trying to act “dominant” they recoil and get disgusted by you. Also, a truly dominant man will not need to prove himself to anybody or beg for people’s attention or affection, so the very act of trying to look dominant makes you look un-dominant. Of course, in reality, you can’t act dominant every second of the day, and it’s hard to feel dominant when going up to a girl you don’t know at a bar. But you have to be able to turn that character on and off at will.

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