backround: used to be pretty beta, was never an orbiter or a neckbeard, i was more the guy that just didn't interact with girls a whole lot, occasionally got pussy, was seeing a girl for awhile that actually really wanted to have a LTR but then i got too possessive and soft and she ditched me. i realized how whipped i was and how she was in complete control of the relationship. swallowed the pill shortly after.

since then i've been spinning plates but the thing is, it doesn't make me happy. it's gotten to the point where if i want to get off, i'd rather just do it myself than have to deal with a girl coming over, wanting to sleep over, talk etc. i still crave a single girl that i can be with but now i find myself not wanting to date girls for the smallest reasons.

i can never go back, but i was almost happier being blue pill, i at least had hope for the "perfect girl" but now marriage seems like insanity. i don't hate girls or anything, but i've found myself to be unable to be satisfied by them... anyone feel the same way?