My lack of sexual experience doesn't really make me feel like a man. I would be a lot happier if I just didn't let it bother me so much. What can I do?

roadywan · 2014-07-25T19:13:56+00:00

Your hamster is getting the better of you. Unless your failure rate this week is 0/10 everything you're "doing" is only in your head

Most important, avoid the "good timing" trap. Most of the time theres never a "good" time or "perfect moment". Don't worry about your method, just say Hi.

If your plan is to sit at the bar waiting around for that opening, don't. "Do it right now or leave the bar like a little bitch"

drewbaccha · 2014-07-25T18:26:16+00:00

Don't allow yourself to be a good looking loser. You're doing a fair amount of things right, however you cannot game what you cannot approach. It sounds like you're still struggling with pedestaling pussy. Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself and go out there and fail a bit. Even the smoothest PUAs have a fail-rate.

Female attention is just that. Attention. It's not special. Female affection is nice when it's offered, however don't expect it to come easy just because you work out and read TRP. Life is a daily struggle and you have to set out to win every day. Just like the rest of us have to.

Even for all TRP has done for me I have my moments of weakness, of doubt. The only solution is to push through it. You're doing okay, and that's a start.

jsantan1 · 2014-07-25T19:15:36+00:00

I just feel this is a classic case of putting the pussy on a pedestal. You can't gauge your success in life based on what other people think of you, including women. It sounds like you have a lot of good things going for you but you choose to focus on the negative things. If you focus on the positive things that you do for yourself, that positive energy will flow into all areas of your life, including your sex life. You'll be surprised how much sexual success you will have when you stop trying to pick up and impress women, and instead go out to have a good time and approach women just because you want to share your own positive experience and good energy. Hope this advise helps.

amonde · 2014-07-25T20:29:25+00:00

Sounds like you haven't interacted enough with women for them to just be "people".

It's a bad analogy but bear with me... I come from a country where there are hardly any black people around. I don't think I saw one on a local TV station until I was like 14, and on the street it only happens once every few months. While there is no social, political or cultural prejudice towards them; every initial interaction with a black person feels strange to me. There is a quality of "different" to it, it just doesn't feel "natural/banal/organic". After the first few interactions with that person, I get used to them, and then it becomes simple/natural again; it no longer feels "forced" for lack of a better word.

All the progress you describe is related to women, but not directly involved with them. I think the easiest way for you to move forward is something like dancing lessons, for what I hope are obvious reasons.

Don't get discouraged. You're not doing anything wrong, and there is no inherent problem with you. You just need to have a lot more interactions with women outside of a dating agenda.

CaptainFalconer · 2014-07-25T19:39:38+00:00

Here's something I always felt was useful.

Google: Nina Hartley Eat Pussy

Pretty useful to have that technique ready.

That way, even if you can't get it up, or prematurely cum, you can fallback on eating her out. Which is good by itself, but also usually by the time you've finished that, you've either had enough time for your dick/mind to recover, or you can totally ask for a blowjob with her feeling like she owes it to you.

And from there, you got a rock hard dick, wet pussy, and a girl demanding you to stick it in already.

Big confidence boost to know nothing short of severe whisky-dick is gonna ruin your performance.

Misteralcala · 2014-07-25T21:59:58+00:00

Dude. You need to check out this video on How to have a conversation like a man. As condescending as it sounds, it's worth a watch and there are some good nuggets in there.

Edit: It's also entertaining and spot on.

Crabpeoples · 2014-07-25T23:34:53+00:00

Don't sweat it man. It won't matter in the end. The only thing that really matters is your own game, and your survival. Just do it, and things will come to you. Plenty of men don't have experience, actually only about 25% of men do, and probably you have friends who are successful with women because they focus a lot on women. If I had the time to focus on women I would get laid a lot, but I am pretty busy. Again, don't sweat it man just do your thing.

soulracer · 2014-07-26T01:03:57+00:00

All the wardrobe and fitness stuff is certainly great, but there's no need to obsess over it. Social personality is so much more important. Wearing a nice suit and looking good doesn't get you the job.

If you have any women at work, that's a good place to practice. You can be minimally flirty without the pressure of going further. Just have enjoyable conversation and become comfortable talking to women. One step at a time really. If you're not comfortable having any sort of conversation with a woman, you'll certainly have trouble taking it further. Focus on talking to women without any plans on taking it further most of the time.

2014-07-26T03:09:05+00:00

I went from an overweight gamer to a more fit successful guy who actually cares about my appearance and my quality of life, though to be fair even when I'm done up I'm still pretty average looking.

I know how you feel, I went through the same thing in college really. It was a huge redpill I took before even finding the redpill a couple years later. What you need to understand is that being fat for years did put you at a disadvantage. This is by no means an excuse to sit around moping about, "how bad you once had it", and sit in the past. I just mean that since you were lower value for so long, it takes a good deal of time to adjust to the better looking status. One of the best ways I've found for me is to look at old picture of myself and I really think, "Wow, I look way better now", and then I go out for the day. You still have low SMV mindset(do to years of low SMV fat/anti-social conditioning) and act as such.

I'm really starting to open up to the idea though that being raised fat should be considered child abuse. I really mean it. And again I don't mean to mope or anything, it's just true. It's not like when you're this stupid kid growing up, 6-7-8-9-10-11-12, etc. you have any real control over your food choices. It's really your parents. And then by the time you realize how shitty it is being fat during adolescence, the food is still shitty and junky, and it takes so long to undo your fat conditioning. Just my two cents rant.

cooltrip · 2014-07-26T10:21:27+00:00

Give no fuck to your lack of sexual experience.

Give no fuck to women not being sexually interested in you. Give no fuck to women, they're too unimportant to decide how much of a man you are.

This is what a real man does.

Apply your efforts to self-improve in those fields of life where it is really important to self-improve; women are the least important concern, and women don't prefer men who doesn't consider women are their least important concern. Women prefer men self-sufficient enough for despising women.

If women won't approach you, then don't approach them. After all, the best sexual success you could ever wish is the one you get because women want to approach you, and you won't get this sexual success anyway by being you the one who approaches women. If women don't want to approach you, there's nothing you can do about it, and if you are a real self-sufficient man, there's nothing you want to do about it.

Only be kind to women who are kind and who earn your kindness. Don't award your kindness for free; your kindness is worth more than your lack of kindness, so let your lack of kindness be the gratis thing, until women want to pay the due price (of kindness) for your own kindness. Women are too unimportant; let them build the friendship between you and them; it's in their interest, not in yours, and if it is not in their interest, then they aren't really the sort of women you could want for your sexual partners.

If you are too obese, lose some weight just because it is better for your health, not for women.

nyrp · 2014-07-26T13:33:53+00:00

Maybe change your name from BonerOverlord. And any other sex god talk you try to advertise. Trying so hard, you sound like a virgin.

Vendetta36 · 2014-07-26T15:00:58+00:00

I know exactly what you feel like man. I went through the same thing about a year ago and I was older than you. I was a hardcore gamer who didn't really care about meeting women and playing the dating game. I thought that a wonderful woman would just appear out of nowhere and we'd have a happy life together. I eventually realized that nothing was going to happen if I didn't get off my ass and do something. I was also the classic nice guy who wouldn't stand up for himself and let women walk all over me.

It was a struggle when I first started online dating because the lack of experience really was a hangup for me and I think girls could sense it. When you said that you feel like everything else in your life is great but you feel like shit because of your success with women; that's exactly how I felt. It wasn't until I had sex the first time that those feelings of anxiety and low self esteem went away. It's easy to say that you can just fake it til you make it but for some people that's harder to do.

I'd say keep doing what you're doing and talk to everyone, not just women. The more people you talk to, the bigger your social circle gets and the more chances you will have to meet women. Online dating has its benefits but it can be tough on a fragile male ego, it certainly was for me. Eventually I found a woman online who didn't care about my lack of experience and we had a good time for a few weeks. Now my dating life has improved and if a girl turns me down I don't really care, I just keep looking.

Keep your head up and always strive to improve yourself. I was able to do it and so will you.

PlusGoody · 2014-07-26T22:01:33+00:00

You need to approach this from the bookends:

First: make friends without worry about women (except to the extent in the friend group). None of the things you are doing or propose to do are even slightly effective for meeting women unless you have friends already. Women need social proof of your desirability; good male friends provide this nearly as well as other women hanging off you. Professional meetups, alumni associations, church, rec sports, etc. -- do things that are SOCIAL so you can make friends. If you have a few good friends from college, try to persuade them to move out to where you are. Forget about the solitary things that you are doing now -- coffeeshops, playing guitar in the park -- or aspire to -- biking or rock climbing.

Second: go online. If you photograph and have as good a job as you say, you WILL get dates. Some will suck, others will rock, but you will be in action, and that's important. This will also keep you busy and motivated while making friends.

Also, in terms of looks -- if you can wear a size 42 jacket and a 36" waist trousers and you wear basic reasonably updated locale-appropriate clothes -- casual outfits you can buy for under $200 at Banana Republic, suits you can buy for under $500 a Macy's on sale -- you are fine, and should devote no more additional effort than you want to for other reasons. Not one women in a hundred gives a fuck if you are in better shape or better dressed than that, seriously. Being a nightclub douchebag with a $300 shirt and bulging waxed pecs is not something to which a serious person aspires, or needs to. If you are NOT at 42 / 36 then you are not yet good looking enough to optimize: GET THERE!

Beardsman2 · 2014-07-27T00:33:10+00:00

"Maybe I thought that all these things would flip a switch somewhere in the universe and my confidence would turn on and people would notice me or something"

People wont notice you, youre a man...people don't give a fuck about you. You have to make them notice.

goldenbeardy · 2014-07-30T17:36:12+00:00

Dude, I'm 22, only ever slept with one girl. I got one up on you as last year when I got really drunk in a club, I kissed some 45 year old woman. Gross.

Basically I think the idea is:

Be attractive
Don't be unnatractive

Unfortunately for guys like us, we are average or below average looks, so unless we get girls massively drunk, or bulk up to look like the hulk, we are fucked (or not fucked as the case might be).

2014-07-25T18:20:28+00:00

Is anything you are doing as a result of your new lifestyle/hobbies/activities put you in environments that are conducive to meeting single women naturally?

I have the same issue - I have improved VASTLY the past 6 years, yet the environments I have been around are either male dominated (career, music) or there are very few single women (friends in their late 20's 30's). As a result, I have to use online dating / tinder to just land a date and it is extremely exhausting and can be a huge blow to your self esteem if you have a fragile ego (It's a huge candy store for women where girls you would not bat an eye at in person reject you constantly). Meetups are a crapshoot since most people are either unattractive or single for a reason.

honestly, I would not recommend cold approaching or bars as your main avenues as the odds are stacked significantly against you unless you have top tier game and looks.

The only thing I would recommend is to keep improving yourself but place yourself in good environments where there are a lot of single women looking to mingle (not a bar or club) - you mentioned rock climbing? there are probably a lot there. Cooking Classes, gym glasses etc.

HeadingRed · 2014-07-26T03:15:44+00:00

I say this will all kindness and I am not trying to break your balls AND

I will probably get some heat for this but my advice to you is this-

Aim Low

You are pretty OCD on this matter right now (and kind of rightly so) and the first semi good looking woman who does not appear to be a serial killer that lets you have sex with her will immediately become your "soul mate"

No headingred, that's not going to happen to me, I got the TRP working for me. Yeah, ok . . somehow I still see a lot of risk here.

My advice? Go low. Hit the internet dating sites for the bottom feeders. Bang big women, old women. Sleep with big old women. Do this while you continue to get your shit together. As you live in a big city your friends hopefully wont busted with your 43 year old 5' 3" 190lbs first time. My biggest concern is you falling in love, and some woman (probably 3-5 years older that you) prompting you to "pop the question".

All the while start talking to women with asking them out. And start asking women out without talking (much) to them first. Right now your words are you biggest enemy. Use less and ask questions- everyone likes to talk about themselves. Just ask and listen. It's an eye opener.

Are you able to walk up to a guy and just start talking? What about an old lady. grandma type? I have a feeling you have trouble just starting a conversation in general. Practice on people you will never want to have sex with. This weekend I want you to have at least 5 sentences with every checkout clerk you meet. These sentences cannot be about your order.

As for not being so down- this weekend find 6 pictures of you. One from each of the last 6 years. Put those somewhere that you see every day. Make a note on each one what your 1040 gross was at the end of the year.

Don't quit. The fact that you are still trying already gives you an edge.

Title	My lack of sexual experience doesn't really make me feel like a man. I would be a lot happier if I just didn't let it bother me so much. What can I do?
Author	The_BitterTruth
Upvotes	12
Comments	22
Date	July 25, 2014 5:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2bpkxn/my_lack_of_sexual_experience_doesnt_really_make/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/my-lack-of-sexual-experience-doesnt-really-make-me.18443 https://theredarchive.com/post/18443