I try to be redpill as much as possible, but lately I am realizing that I am really dependent on some sort of need for emotional intimacy, a "solution for loneliness" one might say.

I am trying to figure out if this is a mental issue, a problem to overgrow or if its just natural thing to feel and if so, then if its even correct to shut it down and become possibly emotionally distant to women.

I am 25, and since i remember i always longed for some sort of emotional intimacy, sometimes good friends can ease the need, but most of the time there is just some sort of incomplete feeling, like something is missing. I realize how bluepill this sounds, but facing the facts, i had one gf, now ex, and even though i was putting much more energy into this relationship and this whole thing was frustrating as fuck (i literally sometimes waited for weeks and months to see her and there were plenty conflicts) ... even under these conditions (i was getting very little effort from her, and giving plenty) i was energized, sometimes frustrated, but my god i had a burning fire inside my soul, i started gym, i was killing it at working out, job, social stuff etc.. i knew i had gf, even if it sucked, this made me feel covered emotionally ... Now thats gone, i realize how stupidly dependent it makes me, but i just cant bring myself to that active state on my own.

Recently one girl was checking me out at some party, LTR material, very shy and nice, so i talked to her .. i probably overdid it with my confidence, so I let her cool off, few weeks later i try her again and she replies that shes not intersted in me and that i go focus on someone else ... it shouldnt, but this affected me ... as long as i had a shot at a LTR with kind girl, i was fine .. but facing no prospects again ... motivation is lacking.

Are there any guys that overcame this? Should i even attempt to kill the need for intimacy? If so then how?

To be honest i had once time of complete outcome independce, hardcore MGTOW, i was just exploring the world of delicacy loose leaf tea, i was reading this book from Jon Kabat Zinn about mindfulness, meditating, i was high on just existing, it was the happiest time of my life, complete bliss ... BUT, i wasnt doing anything, and i wasnt even trying to do, that was the point, that i have let go of everything ... so i can be happy, but that would also make me zero productive. What do?

I question whether i can ever be TRP, hence whether most guys here can actually be TRP, or if its just fancy likable idea. This need to enjoy emotional intimate relationship with someone, it just feels so basic, I am not sure if i can override it. I would like to not sound like a little insecure pussy, but lets be real, I am 25, and to this day i still feel the need for relationship and its the biggest limiting factor in my life, if i could get rid of it easily i would.

I am not really sure what to do anymore ... monk mode, lowering approach anxiety, trying game, being social or minding my own business .. its like a goddam circle ... i cant be productive because the only thing on my mind is prospect of sex and emotional intimacy ... and i cant get those easily because i lack natural hapinness/confidence through being quite unproductive in life.

I would like to understand why i feel lonely in a first place and deconstruct it, why me, it certainly doesnt seem to affect some people all that much. Maybe its just personality or some mental development stuff. Not sure. Considering other parts of me, this seems to be the most immature thing about me. Not sure why i still carry this feeling within me, perhaps i need to experience more relationships and get saturated first to loose this limiting need for them later.