When people look for leadership. One of the things they look for is the ability to maintain composure in the face of adversity. The ability to control emotions plays a big role in this. You are looking for someone who is in control at all times. Whether that emotion be anger, fear, or pain you expect them to be able to process their surroundings and make the right call every time. You are looking for someone that is a master of themselves and their emotions.
In football, the quarterback is referred to often as a field general. Someone that leads the the offense and many times the entire team. Even in a locker room that is swimming with alpha males, there is a hierarchy that exists where the quarterback is in a position that typically commands respect. Well, until it is lost.
Derek Carr of the Oakland Raiders has reportedly "lost the confidence of his teammates" after crying in a recent game. He adamantly denies that he cried, but the melting face look is clearly present. Click here to read the article and see for yourself
Under some pressure and heat, his brother tweeted the following:
Hit 16 times in that game
Broken Pinky Finger (Throwing Hand)
Sprained Thumb (Throwing Hand)
Knee Sprain MCL Grade 2
High Ankle Sprain Grade 3
Concussion Grade 1
Chest / Ribs Bruised
3 Broken Bones in his Back
Broken Fibula Bone in Leg
2 Missed Games (because they made him)
Was Derek Carr likely in a lot of pain? Absolutely, sounds like he was rightly fucked up. Did he sob and cry on the sidelines like a little girl with snot bubbles and tears? No. Then what is the problem? He cracked. For a few seconds, he let all of the adversity his brother listed above get to him. He showed his emotion and he lost the locker room as a result.
Society will tell you that they want a man that can show his emotions. One who is not afraid to cry. So, then why is Derek Carr taking so much heat? This is because this is misinterpreted far too often. Women don't want weak men. Crying is weak.
The other night, my wife saw a man crying on TV as he was about to win $50,000 on a game show. She has no idea what this man has been through in life. Nor, does it really matter. My wife said to me "I know I cry a lot, but when I see a man do it I'm like, ugh, suck it up!" Truth confirmed. There is no wiggle room here. Weak men cry.
The Oakland Raiders players don't want a weak person to lead them. Your woman doesn't want a weak leader either. Crying at the wrong time, despite the laundry list of adversity you may have, will forever and always change what she thinks of you. Some impressions stick forever and are difficult to shake. Make sure you don't leave these lasting ones as there is often no recovery since you will likely only have a few similar moments in which to redeem yourself or none at all.
Is it okay to show emotion? Yes, however, it must be kept under control. Women don't want robots, but they also don't want a mangina. Is it okay to shed a tear? There are moments where this is acceptable. I believe there is a time and place for everything. Just know that this should be rare. Crying due to pain, fear, stress, disappointment, are sure to lead to a lack of confidence in your leadership. If you lose a loved one, shed a few tears if you must (no snot bubbles or hysterics), wipe them away and move on. There are other times where this is acceptable and I am not going to list them all. It is okay to show that you care about the people you love. Tears should be rare.
Maintain control of your emotions despite the adversity you face. This is mountain we must climb. These are the challenges we as men face. This is what true leaders do. This is the burden of being king.
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