This comes up often. I get tired of correcting it comment by comment. A lot of unplugging guys are really good at hiding the fact that they are trying to figure out if thier girl is fucking Chad. In my early early days I did this. Wondered if my STBX was fucking when she said she was at a study group. Maybe she was. Maybe I don’t care, but I wasn’t about to drive 40 minutes to the university to find out. In fact it's a visceral fear of most men except for you freaks that seem to think it's some sort of fetish.
/u/friendandadvisor makes this point:
If I were a man in this situation, I would most definitely want to know if I were being cucked. Actually, in ANY situation, I would like to know if I were being cucked or not!
This is wrong thinking. Sure seems Alpha though. This is in Insecure Alpha. You are in her frame at this point. Seriously if your time is so precious you have an abundance to devote a portion of that to finding out if your girl is out with Chad rather than going to the grocery store like she said. I got engaged to my college girlfriend. It was the thing to do. I admit that I didn’t think it out. Army Cadet and they plant this idea that marriage is a career move. It can be if you have the right girl. A year in i caught her with her first boyfriend whom she had broken up with like 5 year ago. There were flags, but in college schedules tend to get changed quickly in the last year. So I had gut feelings, but no proof. Until my Army buddies started calling me telling me they saw her here, there, and in some guys dorm room. I took action right then. Moved out and haven’t talked to her since.
Then we get shit like this. Why are you going around chasing her just to see if she is fucking Chad? You already know how this turns out. You already know she is fully capable of doing it. I am Chad. I know. If your girl is throwing red flags it’s not about finding them. Red flags can be life events. Red flags can be paranoia. Stop trying to account for red flags. You are living in her frame. By the time you see them your instincts have already told you what you need to know. Wondering, worrying, being overly concerned about what she is doing. It’s about knowing what you will and will not put up with and sticking to it. This is about your self respect. This way no one controls you
Being cheated on is the ultimate fear of any red pill man, of any man really. There is literally nothing more of a punch to a guy than finding out he’s been an eskimo brother to the entire block. Beta’s just kind of accept it as the result of their life and do nothing about it. I am talking about guys who haven’t fucked their wife in 6 years or more and wonder why. The potential is there for any man to be cucked. Yet being cucked is not in and of itself failure. She did not just walk along the street and suddenly a man so alpha made her panties fall and she was powerless. She made the decision to do it. We know why she did, and that is where men can be guilty. Even still she can make that decision no matter how Alpha you are. She was never yours. The why is unimportant to this discussion it’s the action that is more important.
So your girl decided that Chad had a better dick than you. So what? What you do next is what defines you. If she wants to be the neighborhood pin cushion her choice. Realize your vetting sucked ass and do better next time. Tracking your wife/LTR is tantamount to mate guarding. For that matter setting her down to go over boundaries is ridiculous. Might as well have her sign a relationship agreement. It’s like the dad who tells his teen daughter she can’t go out on a Friday night and the next thing you know she’s sneaking out the window to jerk off the football captain at the trash can party in the vacant lot.
I believe this paranoia, this drive to constantly find out if she is cheating on you, is from fear. The first fear is that you won’t be able to leave with the upper hand. that’s it right? you want to exit the relationship leaving her broken, alpha widowed, and at the top of your game. Sorry bub, doesn’t work like that. You will never know in your life time if you Alpha widowed a girl. Maybe you find out, but it won’t be noticeable immediately. Not only that but women have this amazing ability to rationalize anything. They will have moved on. Though remember, women connect memories to emotion. What memories are you connected to? The ones where she saw you as a suspicious loser or a strong alpha? Doesn’t matter if you were right or not. It was never about that.
The second place this fear comes from is failing to have achieved Outcome Independence. It’s difficult to flip that switch to caring but not caring. In life there are only 3 problems to solve. This is where your work is. Being cucked isn’t the problem. What you do when you find out is.
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