This post is an adaptation of a comment response in a recent AskMRP thread. For the guys with kids in the 0-10 range, read and consider how much this applies to you. I’ve been married for a while and have more kids than I can keep track of so I think I’m semi-qualified to talk about this.

The Obvious but Misleading Problem

MRP tends to focus a lot on the basics like lifting, getting your shit together, developing frame, dressing better, owning the finances, etc. That’s all important and necessary and valuable. You can’t run before you crawl.

However, for many guys, that just isn’t enough. This is especially true when you have little kids. When a woman has a baby, her body undergoes massive hormonal changes that affect many areas of her life including libido, values, personality, long-term goals, etc. This response is designed to ensure the survival of a new tiny human who cannot do anything for itself for years. Our species simply won’t survive if moms didn’t have this type of response.

So, for you newer guys who are getting into MRP and you have kids under the age of 5-6, you have a tough road to hoe. You can become more fit, make more money, develop frame, internalize RP truths, etc. and still not see the types of results you want because you have two 800lb competitors who are ready to kick your ass.

Your competition? The tiny human and Facecrack. You have to remember that women engage the world through their feelings and right now, she is getting a shit ton of hormonal opium from her kid and the validation that it brings on Facecrack. She is a "mommy" and that means that most of the time, she is the most important creature on earth and the bestest, most wonderfulest thing ever. She may be terrible at cooking, screwing, and cleaning but she can simply take a couple of ‘cutesy’ pics of the little one and immediately get 50+ comments of “OMGZ SO CUTE” and “YOU ARE SO AMAZING” and “YOU ARE THE BEST MOMMY EVAR!!!” You think your 'passive dread' stands any chance against that shit? LOL! You are a damn fool if you think it will.

The Real Problem

So, she's fucking lazy. You guys aren't boning like you want, she's soft and pudgy, she isn't interesting, she sucks. Guess what? It's probably your fault. You aren't leading. Leadership is influence and right now, you are losing the influence battle.

Women tend to be reactive to their environment and not proactive to making changes unless they are uncomfortable. Right now, her environment is mostly dominated by mommy hormones, mommy stresses, and mommy affirmations from Facebook. This is all much more potent than anything you can passively bring. And if you are passive about it, that won't change. She doesn't care how badass you look now, how strong your frame is, how much money you make, etc. if you aren't making her life an adventure. She has something that gives her far more feelz than that and it will stay that way until the urchin is 5-6... unless you guys have more.

The Proof is in the Pudding

That's why you see so many families pop out a few kids, the dad gets fat, the mom goes into full mommy mode for 8-10 years. Once the kids are a bit older, she looks up and realizes that without mommy hormones, her life is boring as shit because her husband is terrible at creating an adventure. So she goes the gym, hits up the trainer, gets a decent body back, and then "has no idea how it happened" when she has an affair with the lawyer who works out on his lunch hour at the same gym.

The ACTIVE Solution

So, for a lot of guys, the basics aren’t enough. Looking good, dressing better, lifting, more $$, none of it works like you want. Maybe she isn’t quite as passive in bed. Maybe she comes around a little but not the ways you were hoping for. She still basically sucks and not in the right way. What’s the answer? Divorce? Cheat? Listen, I’m not here to moralize but I will say that you brought a tiny human into the world and you, as a man, can probably do better for it than cheating on its mom in the first few years of its life.

So, what’s the answer? You. You are the answer because you are the problem. Your leadership sucks if you can’t influence her. Leadership is active, effective influence. You to lead her to something better than the comfortable shit she is probably used to.

Right now, she is probably in a familiar rut of getting up early with the baby, feeding the baby, posting 26 pictures of the baby to FB, getting enormous validation from everyone else about the baby, etc. You need to sell her a better vision. You need to appeal to her feelings, her emotions, her desire for the dramatic and adventurous.

So how do you do it? First, own the basics. Sidebar. Lift. Sidebar. Frame. Sidebar. Game. Sidebar. Kino. Sidebar. DEVI.

After that? Purposefully make her life more fun together. Woo her. Do some fun shit. Figure out how to make your lives an adventure both with and without the baby. Did you guys do anything physical together before the baby? Find a babysitter and book that shit. Go rock climbing, biking, hiking, whatever. Find a way to do something reasonable (entry level) that will still exhaust her and make her realize how out of shape she has become but how in shape you are now... while not rubbing her face in it.

In other words, a beach trip is probably a bad idea if she has a baby that's 3 months old and still has 20lb to drop. Don't be autistic. Baby steps are important here or she will go into full retreat mode. You want her to think "damn, I forgot how fun that was but I need to get in shape again so we can do that some more!" Make her remember that there is more to life than burping the baby, posting pictures on Facebook, and getting way too absorbed in the latest crazes in all the mommy blogs.

Create adventure. Dream a little. Talk to her about your vision for the kid. Talk about fun stuff you guys will do together as a family and then start to incorporate some of it now in a way that makes your wife realize she has to get her shit together. Give her a vision or adventure she wants to be a part of because a good physique, solid frame, and money handling skills won't make a bit of a difference versus tiny baby + Facebook.

Lead her to better. You are the man. Sell her on the promise (and then fulfillment) of more exciting experiences.

TLDR:

You have competition for her right now in the form of a tiny human that basically causes her body to release some of the most potent chemicals known to man every time it looks up at her or latches on to the titty. And that's ok. But you don't overcome that or compete with that by being a fit, money-handling autistic robot. You overcome it by being fun. Women perceive the world through interactive emotions. Give her a better experience than baby + Facebook.

Sell her on better.

EDIT: For the autistic crowd, this post is about DOING, not talking. Yeah, you gotta talk a little because people aren’t mind readers. But do it during a hike. Talk about vision riding up a ski lift. Do it on a break during mountain biking. Don’t do it while on the couch in between episodes.

You sell people on actions, not speech. I should have clarified that.