When I was college I took up an art called iaido. It is an art of Japanese sword training. Wihtout too much explaination and the fact most of you are Google challenged, think of iaido as the samurai version of the wild west "quick draw". Literally the "art of drawing the sword".

Iaido has a tradition called Tameshigiri, which is cutting of grass mats. These mats are said to represent the resistance the human body would present to a sword. Gruesome right? It's good training because if your focus is off even a little bit it won't cut. The katana is not a simple tool to learn to use. It takes years of focus, dedication and discipline. In a good dojo it will a be minimum 3 years to black belt, most likely 4 because few people have time to get it all done in 3, but 5 is not uncommon. My iaido training was 4.

So for years I trained and studied. Every day diligently. I have a couple scars to this day when I got my live blade. In many dojos studnets are not allowed to use a live blade for their first year. You use bokens. When time came for me to test for black I felt ready...well as much as you can. Only those that have gone before a yudansha board understand that once in that pipeline one begins to realize exactly how much they don't know. Yudansha in iaido testing is typically once year. Have a conflict that you couldn't resolve? Then come back the next year.

Iaido test in large batches. Senior members from whatever style you are learning come to sit on the board. There were 15 this time, and you test in full open view of other teachers and students. No pressure right?. My kata was beautiful. I was in the zone and the blade was singing....literally.

Soon it was time for Tameshigiri. This all happened in less then a second. I approached the mat, performed a cut and…. my sword slide off. No cut. I had failed. I went from hero to zero. I had let Sensei down, my dojo down, myself….the list kept growing. The whole day shot. Three years out the window. I had no idea what I did wrong. As I look back I should have.

I was too focused on the outcome and not what I was doing.

Sensei came up to me. He was an older Japanese gentleman. He had that stern samurai countenance you hear about. I stood at attention awaiting what he would say. Sensei just looked at me and shrugged. He said "Sometimes it doesn't cut. If it cut every time people would think it was a trick."

Then he walked away. Yeah. I thought the same thing you're thinking. Not helpful.

I didn't understand half the things he said and it wasn't because English was a second language. He was just plain cryptic most times. All these years later I think what he was telling me that that I was too focused on the wrong things.

WEALTHY, HAPPY FAMILY, GREAT MARRIAGE

This is what men become focused on. You could replace it with anything. In fact this is what the /r/realalpha crowd prided themselves about. They coined it under the phrase LEADERSHIP. Then this guy comes in and tries to convince us that the point is having a happy marriage. Hence the married in the name Married Red Pill.

These beliefs are, on the surface, fine and noble. Yet they are the reason we all came here, or close to. These ideals got warped as we sought to achieve them. Our Ego got in the way. Ego is insidious and it removes what matters and convinces you of things that don't matter.

Men want the things in their life to be great. To be right, and to be of value. That's fine. Men want to be the best at what they do. Nobody inherently starts out the day wanting to be lazy or accomplish nothing. We end up that way because the values we hold are wrong. Ego is self protective. It tries to keep you from feeling pain, misery, and sadness. So it will do nearly anything it can to prevent it. Even to damaging your life.

So this is what happens.

WEALTHY, HAPPY FAMILY, GREAT MARRIAGE

Become....

GREED, ARROGANCE, PRIDE

The problem is that these are outcomes. Not objectives. This is why one of the first questions is WHAT DO YOU WANT? It's not asked that much any more of newbies. You see it thrown around, but each man must ask this of himself. What do I want? What is my life's mission? Answering these questions then directs your purpose in life. If your mission is Your reputation, your desire for domestic tranquility.....then continue on enjoying the life of complacency. Enjoy fulfilling what other people want and expect out of you without understanding your true purpose. your being.

This is why men must have a mission. Something higher than themselves, something bigger to accomplish. Stop denying what and who you are. First and foremost being a man. This changes the act of caring about the outward appearance into an act of doing. Instead of caring about others and what they think you focus on what you need to do and what is important to you. /u/Rian_stone has said it twice and it's true. Daily life for men is a slog. Each day is an inch stone towards the milestones of your mission. One foot in front of the other. Some days you may not even make much progress, but progress there is. There are no quick wins, and odds are you will die without anyone knowing what you have accomplished. But fuck it. We are equal once that dirt is on top of us.

I read an article about how in Maryland public health issuing out Narcan on the streets. It disappears in minutes. One guy is quoted in how he has used Narcan on his friends 5 times last month and he had it used once last week. Is this the solution we should be looking for? Quick hits and wins? Not to get into the whole opioid discussion but we are watching the strong desire for quick validation play out in front us. With a catch all to allow people to go right back at it. Narcan just creates an easy solution here. It's not a long term fix nor a "cure". What's hard is the longer more permanent solution.

The validation. The emotional highs are like opioids to men. If you didn't know when an addict takes an opioid, particularly heroin they are chasing the first high. Each hit is less and less of a high then the one before. This is why overdoses are common. It's also analogous because men chasing that validation look for more and more. Getting less and less in return.

Redirect your life. Find a mission and work towards it. Replace your value seeking with real meaningful objectives.

By the by…I returned the following year and earned my back belt.