TL;DR

Better "lessons learned" than in the previous post. I'm the jerk from the title, you're the circle.

Body

So, last week or so I've coined another opus magnum of mine.

In that post I did what I do best. I dodged my own responsibility.

People say, that the posts here and there should be prepared for the audience. The truth is I've wrote this post for me, so, IDK, like, sorry? After re-reading it, again and again, moments after posting it, I've realised that I'm going to be crushed in the comments in 3... 2... 1...

... not really. Nobody saw what I saw. Nobody saw that this post was actually a little bit complicated version of "she, she, she" victim puke. Nobody saw, that the "lessons learned" part is actually shady.

So, here is another version of lessons learned, a bit less Aspie this time. Yes, I'm doing this in separate post. No, I don't think a comment in the original post or OYS thread would be sufficient and I do hope to spark some discussion, unless mods think otherwise. Yes, modelling my world view after everything that I have been taught about addiction may be actually very limiting.

Lessons learned, version 2.0

Ex wife - I think she's no different than other (ex)wives of MRP. The only strategy, the best strategy advocated here - shut the fuck up, STFU. Let her emotions boil, let them boil hard. The truth is, as I have not had a "main event" before divorce & moving out, this could very well be it. The "main event" when she realises, that I'm the immovable rock and that there is no point spilling her emotions here or there. That her current boyfriend may be a much better target for that.

Patient's daughter... the fault was mine. I have not kept the proper distance. The deal is, not everyone wants a "friendly" doc. Some (most?) people want some distance, they want to feel that. The cathedral and the bazaar, sacrum, profanum, etc. And, the truth is, some people just want to be a fat fucks. Some people just want to lie to themselves. Some people lie so efficiently, that they created systems around themselves (aka "the addict and the codependent"). And, another truth: am I working in some kind of loose-fat-quick clinic? Am I some kind of coach? How many books on motivation have I read? The fault was mine. I should shut the fuck up, keep the distance, keep my discoveries to myself. Lesson learned, you should see me talking to patients now. Now I do sound fucking professional. Somehow in the past I never liked that attitude, I thought there's something phoney about that, that people are faking something. But today? No fucking way, sire. You won't find anything in my behaviour that could provoke a complaint. Never, fucking, never ever again.

Female coworker... hey, female or not, she's a co-worker. What has happened to "48 laws of power", have I read that? Maybe I should read it again? I was acting, I was doing a lot more than those other women. Was I humble doing that? Was I really humble? Or was I loud, actually, was I loudly bragging about this success or that success? The deal is, this wasn't needed at all. People will see my success, people will see where did I do something right, the world of mouth will fly around.

Summary

Every single situation was my fault.

I hardly have any choice of people I cooperate with. I have absolutely no choice of patients I treat. What I can change is my own behaviour, as usual.

My mistakes are getting somehow more and more subtle, less obvious. Maybe that's good, I'll see. Because of that, they can be easily attributed to other people, but they're my mistakes, nonetheless.

If the only tool I know is a hammer of addiction, no wonder, that everything looks like a nail ("ACAs", "codependents", etc). Not like those disorders aren't common, because they are. But, as u/RuleZeroDAD pointed out in his comment, it's actually very simplified world view. And it's about something else, really.

It's about me not being "an Aspie" or "an ex-addict" for a while.

Regards,