TD;DR
I personally took the advice that I gave to my son. I'm amazed with the results. I must be a wise guy then.
Body
Somehow, this feels in line with what u/Triadis3 came up 4 hrs ago at the main subreddit...
My son called one of his schoolmates "a fat ass". Some shit storm ensued and while I am completely sure that my son did NOT start anything (that other kid has some past history and current behavioural problems), the teacher seemed, somehow, unbiased (I think this may have something to do with the fact, that she's got fatter in past 2 yrs but whatever).
First, I told my son not to call anyone "fat ass" during this year, as this will probably trigger his teacher. Done.
Second... I asked him...
"Why are you helping him?"
Why are you helping that boy?
"I thought you don't like him, I heard he beats you from time to time. Why are you helping him?"
"Keep calling him a fat ass, keep making him angry, keep shaming him. Some day, he will get fed up with all of this. That day he will start exercising, dieting, lifting, doing all that shit just to prove to himself and to others that he can also be fit. Give him 1-2 years of heavy exercise and he'll be ready to kick your ass much harder, than he's able to do that today."
"I remember most of the people that laughed at me from my past. I remember what they made fun of. Today, after finding "the way", after giving up on alcohol, after giving up an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship, after being somehow born-again, every single day I make sure there are less and less reasons to make fun of me. That I have less and less things to be ashamed of."
"My frame. My life. My rules".
Lessons learned
Let them die, slowly.
Let the others die.
Give them what they want, in large quantities, cheap. Then watch them die.
Or don't.
You actually don't have to do anything.
They will take care of themselves.
They in fact do that already.
Every single day, every one of us is working on something that he deserves.
And he will get it. Be it a $100K, a sixpack, a young plate or be it throat cancer, diabetes and/or manboobs.
Overt discussions on Ask{T,M}RP where a thing is well described on the sidebar are futile.
The less I tell others how I would do something, the less competition for me.
... and in some cases, where the bar is really low, it is enough to just do what you're supposed to do. This is more than enough. The problem is, most people don't do what they're supposed to.
What does this mean in context of this subreddit?
Hell, I'd love to know. When I came here few years ago, I got solid ass kicking and I needed it. It helped me to get better, it helped me to improve. I'm not sure where I would be now without all of your help.
... on the other hand, there is a fine border between helping someone (even if that someone is as stupid as I was back then) and codependency.
The deal is... this week I decided, that whenever I want to do something "a little extra" in my workplace, that is not exactly about me, I will first check if I am not trying to escape from something harder, that I need to do for myself.
Just because codependency is a form of escape.
Like all other addictions.
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