A few days ago some SJW demanded to know if there was anybody on MRP who understood traditional approaches to therapy. Let me stick my hand up and offer my experience and knowledge. I have been a lurker for several years on MRP and TRP and have read all the sidebar books and lift 3 times a week.

I am also studying traditional marriage counseling as I proceed through my Life and Relationship Coaching Certification coursework.

I note one item recommended for the 3rd or 4th "Marriage Counseling" (MC) visit is to explain to the client(s) the 4 Horseman of the Apocalypse which lets you know that you are on your way to a divorce.

Displaying these features means that your marriage is on the fast track to divorce:

  1. Criticism: If you spend time nitpicking and criticizing your partner then the Trad MC's say you should STOP.

  2. Contempt: If you view everything your partner does or says with a derisive snort or an eye roll then the Trad MC's say STOP.

  3. Defensiveness: If you are defensive and take offense at whatever your partner says or does then MC's say STOP.

  4. Stonewalling: If you refuse to fight and engage the other partner who is railing against you then MC's say STOP.

Let's take those in turn:

1 + 2. Criticism and Contempt: First, observe that the these are FEMALE tactics in marriage because they work so well on men. Please also observe that the second two (Defensiveness and Stonewalling) are MALE tactics almost always in response to the female's constant harping and carping, disrespect, and contempt.

Does anybody else find it very interesting that the "Four Horseman" signaling Divorce are Female Attack Patterns and Male Defensive Mechanisms against those attacks?

The "solution" is even more interesting and clearly informed by the cultural Marxist, equality brush. They ignore the real solution and they completely ignore the fact that men and women experience relationships very differently (and if you think otherwise then you must hate women). The answer on which the MC's agree really struck a nerve with me. They think the answer is to back off.

So, MC's basically tell the Wife: "Back off and stop being such a bitch."

Then they tell the husband: "Stop Defending yourself from her attacks and talk and talk and talk!"

This is Marriage counseling summarized.

In case I was not clear, obviously Men being "Critical" or "Contemptuous" is NOT OK (and while it does occur in some relationships we rarely see it on MRP. In fact, Criticism and Contempt by a husband is far, far less damaging to the relationship than a woman being Critical and/or Contemptuous. The damage done is also very different. When a man is critical he drives away the wife because she (rightly) sees him as a spoiled little boy. Strong men are affirming and when they are critical it is a statement, followed by the solution, and then the criticism is done. There is no nitpicking, whining, crying, or complaining. If there is, then he is not being a strong man and it repels the wife.

However, when a woman is Critical, it poisons the relationship because it means she is "Unhappy!" Women want to respect their men and be bonded to a strong man. If they are critical, they are showing they do not respect their man and do not see him as somebody they can rely on.

These are two very different consequences that MC's completely miss in their fervent drive to believe that men and women are exactly the same.

Further, there are major problems with this approach. Most important, an obvious and MUCH better solution is to cultivate the OPPOSITE of these Female Attack patterns. Don't just "back off" on being critical and contemptuous! I say stop it right now! Moreover, I say women should not just decrease their bad behavior but they should work on increasing their good behaviors. Women should cultivate the opposite of these features- that is, if women would practice APPRECIATION and GRATITUDE and RESPECT they would find their marriage suddenly improved! One cannot be "Contemptuous" and critical while practicing gratitude and respect.

3 Defensiveness: The first tactic men use to attempt to adapt to a constant barrage of criticism and contempt arises from fear and oneitis- in short a lack of abundance mentality. There is no need to be "Defensive" but if you have an abundance mentality and know this woman can be replaced with a better and younger model then this is the absolute cure for Omega style, weak and unmasculine Defensiveness.

MRP constantly identifies "DEER-ing as a fundamental mistake men make in their relationships with women. When men feel compelled to "Defend" or "Explain" or "Evade" or "Rationalize" then he is being "Defensive. MC's and MRP agree that men need to avoid being "Defensive." MRP goes further and identifies WHY (so you don't look like a weak bitch and women want strong men).

    1. Stonewalling: This is where MRP and traditional MC's appear to part company but on closer inspection we are really saying the same thing to men.

First, STONEWALLING IS NOT STFU. Stonewalling is AUTISM PLUS STFU. According to MC's any time a man walks away from an argument or refuses to engage in arguing with the wife he is "Stonewalling." On MRP we could not disagree more and this is the source of the women who claim that MRP is "abusive" to women. In fact, walking away from a fight and refusing to support bad behavior is the PROPER and ONLY POSSIBLE response today to a carping, harping, bitching harpy sex-denying screechtard.

At the same time, a LOT of MRP guys, especially at the beginning interpret STFU to mean walk away like an autistic savant and refuse to have a discussion with the wife. That is NOT the meaning of STFU. What MRP means is to walk away and refuse to engage a woman who wants to fight or is engaging in unacceptable (disrespectful or contemptuous) behavior. STFU does NOT mean don't talk, don't plan your day, or don't discuss issues with the house, work, or kids. It means don't fight with the wife and don't talk about Red Pill or self-improvement or anything of the sort. It also means you are correct to withdraw your time and attention from a wife who is being disrespectful or contemptuous. It is not “punishment” but merely a consequence of unpleasant behavior. You are a MAN and have better ways to spend your time!

Lessons Learned: Traditional Marriage Counseling is a flawed creation that fails to take into account real and substantial gender differences and sex roles in marriage. In their "treatment" they conflate and equate female attack mechanisms with male defense mechanisms and (in the best case scenario) they try to blunt her blades while stripping the man of his armor so that her now slightly duller blades can still do damage to the now defenseless man. Even worse, they fail to address the root of the problem (woman's loss of attraction for her husband which comes with sexual denial, unhappiness, Contempt and Criticism- aka Shit Tests) and appear to completely ignore the critical underlying issue of sexual attraction, probably because that would force them to acknowledge that men and women are attracted to different things.