Retirement, 2 years and 30 days later
It seemed a better picture than the Panama Canal originally. There's no gates here to walk you through, you're on your own in the Suez
Reflection: 2 years since taking the pill
It is just over over 2 years since my first post, and here I am, reflecting on my journey. I am reflecting on the lessons learned. I am reflecting on the lessons I thought I learned. I look back and see lessons that I wasn't aware of. It years of reading, learning, writing, acting, and calibration to get to where I am today. My first steps into my Male Action Plan (MAP) involved boundaries, involved not being taken advantage of, or for granted. The hidden lessons were on overcoming learned helplessness and the validation seeking behaviour that came with my anger phase.
I learned the importance of having fight left in you, not caring if others acknowledge it, and how avoiding the hard things go a long way towards killing lifes joy. I learned to take the lumps when I had no choice, and avoid the lumps when the opportunity presented itself. Even in victory, no one really gave a shit, and I should continue with whatever the fuck I am already doing. Finally, I learned that life only gives joy to authenticity, and that I had no idea what the fuck authenticity was, most of us do not.
Learned helplessness
If you fail enough, if you are kicked enough when down, you have a common coping mechanism. It is called learned helplessness. Failures lead you to distrust escape routes when they present themselves. They are just another failure, why waste the effort. You take the easier road, accept your fate, and take the easier action. Since you will arrive at the same outcome, why bother?
Validation Seeking
It is not a positive thing. It is not a negative thing. It is an attention thing. Acting because you want someone to acknowledge you or your grievance is validation seeking. In my case, I wanted to rub their noses into it … A mans only value is what others can glean off him, and for the first time in a long time, I was valuable.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy.
As long as I can remember, I never got excited. I was never excited for birthdays, vacations, or paychecks. It was as if I didn't care about anything. I wrote this piece two years ago. I remember being excited about leaving the military. I was fucking giddy. The last 20 months were filled with anger and excitement, spite and joy. The one thing it did not have was apathy.
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