Both mid-40’s. Married 16 years with 2 kids, 10 and 11. Grew up with a hard-working and dedicated beta father and stay-at-home alpha mother. My father taught me a lot in life, but nothing about sex/women/marriage. I married an average girl with average looks and average weight. I was scrawny, good personality, +$100k job and no sexual experience. I didn’t know the potential I had. She loved me and gave me sex and was my best friend, but we were both clueless about what passionate, toe curling sex was like. I knew I had an orgasm when I stuck it in and that was it. The idea of great sex, teasing all day, wanting each other was the stuff of movies.

We married and both gained 20lbs. I lost all of it plus a little more – she lost 10lbs and stopped. I should have seen the rest coming.

Before kids we went to the gym together off and on. Over the her weight went up and down with various stress levels and child responsibilities. She has always been a stay at home mom (great mom!) and I always made ~$100k and was active. I was never is stellar shape usually soft around the middle because I never lifted, but I ran and played basketball all the time. We moved to Dubai for my work 8 years ago and enjoy living overseas tremendously. Over the last 4 years her weight has steadily gone up and up. My weight probably got a little low because I went through a love-to-run phase in the hot Dubai weather.

4 years ago when I saw her weight going up I got her a full-time housekeeper and the kids started going to school full time. I thought the free time and he seeing me exercising would motivate her. It did not. She complained about her weight. I told her 80% of weight loss is food, but she was unconvinced and the weight increased.

3 years ago she started getting foot pain and knee pain and she can’t run because of the pain. When I said it might be weight related she went ballistic and said her doctor told her it wasn’t. She’s 5’6” and ~180lbs at this point. I’m 6’3” 195lbs, but little muscle. Sex is fading fast and I soon I need Viagra to get an erection because of the site of her naked. I don’t tell her, hoping she’ll self-motivate with me staying in shape.

2 years ago I’m asked to take a 9 month contract in Djibouti. Good for my career and wallet. She and kids stay in Dubai. I tell her I’m going to really start working out so she can have a hunk of a man when I’m back. Between her full time maid and kids in school, and stay-at-home status I’m sure this will be the turning point for her body. A week after I’m gone she takes a part-time job as a secretary with my same company so she can “stay connected with the community while you’re gone.” We have no financial need for her to be working. I have a bad feeling there will be no change. I get to Djibouti and every morning I’m up at 5am lifting, running, eating right. Sometimes I work out twice a day.

I come home to visit after 3 months and everyone is floored. My shirts are busting at the seams and my pants falling off so loose. Everywhere we go people are complementing me on how muscular I look. My kids go crazy feeling my biceps and seeing how many times I can do pushups with them sitting on my back. She is proud of me. Her weight is the same and her foot pain has increased. I’m still up at 5am running. When I get back from running I make the kids breakfast and help get them to school. She does no exercise and says she’s eating right and can’t figure it out. I’m disappointed and frustrated and start popping Viagra to do my sex duty for 2 weeks before I go back to Djibouti. When we have sex she’s feeling on my muscles and loving it. I’m distracted by the “thwap thwap” of my body slapping against her fat gut. I’m now 6’3” and 210lbs with a lot of muscle.

Angry and frustrated I go back to Djibouti. Within a week of getting back, a divorced Fillipina-American with no kids, no boyfriend in a long time, same age as me, and really into yoga tells a friend of mine she thinks I look good. She’s knows my status and can be discreet. I politely decline as I’m married….even if unhappily so. Next day I see her coming out of yoga class after I’m through lifting. We’re both sweaty and amped after working out…and we start talking…and we start kissing and she’s back in my room and we’re fucking like crazy. Same thing the next night and the next night and for the rest of my time in Djibouti. Every day, often twice a day we were fucking. She’s buying school girl outfits and surprising me; we do roleplays; we fuck in our offices and in stairwells; we spent one evening trying to get my cock in her ass just cause neither of us had ever done it. We licked sucked and fucked every way possible. We were so sexually compatible (and fell very, very much in love, but that’s another discussion). When you read about women wanting to be led by a strong man…she was it. She took care of me and that made me take care of her. We were both sexually and romantically neglected for so long that we did everything possible to make each other happy. It was beautiful.

Three months after my return to Djibouti (now 3 months left in my assignment) I’m still lifting and getting bigger. My wife sends me a picture of her and the kids. My jaw dropped…she’s even heavier. I went online and found a nutritionist in Dubai and workout coach and sign her up for a 10 week program. I tell her I found someone online who can help her and she agrees to contact him, but never does. I get the guy to call her cell and she signs up for the 10 week program. Over the next 10 weeks she loses 10 lbs….I’m thinking this is the 10lbs she had just gained. Her foot and knees still hurt and that prevents her from activity. She claims she’s eating right, but I know she’s snacking.

I finish Djibouti assignment and back home with the family August 2017. So happy to see my great kids. I’m very depressed at the loss of my affair partner and angry at my fat wife. First day back and I’m popping the Viagra and she says lets’ try a new position. She’s really never been up for it and after just having 6 months of multi-orgasmic sex with a yoga babe – I’m up for anything other than missionary. She wants to try 69 and the view of her huge ass and hanging stomach as she put her elephant leg over my head made me gag. Not even a full 100mg Viagra could keep me hard. I apologized and said I was tired from the move back home and we just did missionary the next day.

Everything that’s gone on has left me depressed and angry like I’ve never felt before. Were it not for 2 wonderful kids who love their mom and dad, love Dubai, and love the closeness of the family – I’d be gone…even after 16 years of marriage. I went to an British marriage counselor and told him everything. He is very sympathetic and we end up having a group counseling session to talk about the marriage problems and why I’m frustrated. I tell her about the weight gain, but not the affair. I say I love her, but my sexual and physical attraction is less when she has so much weight. We all know her reaction – unconditional love you shallow asshole, etc… Why don’t you love me anymore? Blah, blah. She doesn’t talk the next day. The following day another session and I’m still a shallow asshole. The counselor pulls me aside and said I need to make a choice to stay or go. I agree to keep trying – after 16 years and 2 kids I can’t give up yet. I agree to help her through weight loss, not be so focused on appearance and she agrees to do better with eating etc…., but she still has the caveat that her foot hurts even though diet is how you lose.

Back at my Dubai desk August 2017 and every day at work I’m googling “hate fat wife” “help wife lose weight” etc….I’m trying to find hope and to stop thinking about my affair partner. September 2017 I stumble on red pill…best and worst day ever. At 43 years old, 6’3”, 215 lbs, muscular, good dresser, abs starting to show, making ~$150k per year, speaks 3 languages, knows how to cook….I learn about SMV. I learn I’m the prize. I burn a whole day at work reading. I’m a solid 7 and when I’m confident an 8. She’s a 3 or 4. That’s a huge gap and it’s a problem. We go to places and I’m dressed better that 90% of the guys. Confidence like crazy expect that I’m with a fat woman and I know I’m being judged. She’s very personable and friendly great mom, but 5’6” and just shy of 200lbs I’m guessing. Large flowing shirts to cover body or (even worse) sleeveless dress which makes her look terrible with bingo arms. The extra weight makes her look in her 50’s and slightly masqueline and over the last year she’s got a layer of peach fuzz on her face that I feel when I kiss her. Several of my buddies have Asian wives that have kept their figure…I know they pity me.

She’s a great mom and my kids don’t know any of the problems. The kids are thriving here in Dubai and are getting a top notch education and learning French and Arabic and all sorts of great things. They snuggle on the couch with us at night to read together after dinner. This is why I stay, but I’m seething.

I want to leave, but leaving would break me financially and I’d have to go back to the USA to be with the kids. They’d be in public school in Oklahoma with all of the dumb fucks. Sex is down to 1 time per two weeks only because I feel like I have a duty to give it to her as a man. Glad I can get Viagra here without a prescription. But I can feel the resentment building up. Once a month I’m going to a backroom massage parlor and getting happy endings from a Thai girl just so I can have some good release with a pretty girl. Regular porn user now. I have a video my affair partner and me fucking. I jack off to that to remember the good times. Wife emailed me yesterday and said she realized she was stress eating and that’s why she can’t lose weight. Stay-at-home mom, kids in school, full time maid, part time gardener, she now volunteers for an NGO 8 hours per week and helps in the school library, I make breakfast every morning for the kids, every Saturday I take them to swimming practice….and yet she’s stress eating. And then she says please don’t discuss this with her as she figures out how to lose weight and deal with what I said in counseling about her weight. I write back and said I’m here to help. She does spin class twice per week. That’s great. Yesterday I found a Starbucks receipt that included a chocolate chip cookie. I know she’s undermining the gym with snacks.

I’m fearful I will reach a breaking point and tell her off – I mean nuclear because I have so much anger inside. It’ll will set off a chain reaction that will lead to my children’s lives unraveling and going back with her to Oklahoma and me settling for a “regular” job so I can be with the kids. Even more horrifying, if she ends up as a middle-aged, fat, divorcee with kids – she’s going to attract an equally wretched man and I don’t want that kind of man around my children. THAT scares me the most. For now I keep it bottled up. She has a habit of eating the kids French fries if we go out to dinner. I keep my mouth shut and go home and do planks or jumping jacks. She eats a cookie, I go do 3 minutes of planks.

That’s how I deal with it until I can figure out what to do. Let me have it guys….skewer me cause I’m at a loss right now.