It's going to be all about holding frame going forward. Never shout at her or get aggressive, keep to your course. Nonchalant is good, careful not to overdo it: you need more than ever to be a man of few words, and TELL her how things are/will be, do not get into "discussion" about it. Give her the impression that you are emotionally shell shocked. Very closed off, but not aggressively so, throw in the occasional bit of warmth / something pleasant for her, such as a kind word here or there, something considerate done as if you "forgot" what's going on between you. The reason for this, it helps you keep her confused; you don't want the woman to decide it's all over and she lost you, she needs to feel like there's something to fight for, then she may come out with full on remorse and so on... even if somewhat faked, it's good for you, to simply help you process this shit without going crazy. If this does end up happening and she admits it all with apologies and tears, there are effective things you can do to both symbollically punish her, help yourself heal, and set the right "tone" of healthy dread for the rest of your relationship.

You can increase dread if you can stay over at friends' or a different apartment. Let her know you won't be coming home that night, do not elaborate where you will be or why. "I have a lot to think about. We'll talk later, Lisa. Good night."

Every single time I was in a situation resembling yours, the "natural" blue pill instinct was to frame things so that I get to play the victim, show the woman how she was shitty to me, and gain concessions from her by showing how I'm hurt, unjustly mistreated etc. - which she was supposed to "see" and react with compassion to. Big mistake! Check yourself immediately if you feel things careening that way. Instead, come at it ALL from an implicit position of power, you are the decider, you do not need anything from her, things are in motion and you are going to resolve this, with or without her. Life WILL go on for you, the only question is, what role if any will she have in it. Make her dread your decision and want to manipulate you by being on her best behaviour.

When she throws shouting tantrums, do not engage her or attack back, leave without a word. This is again why you need a "hideout" to retreat to. If she doesn't tantrum or otherwise force you to play that card, be cordial and civil, but detached. Everything you normally do for her, such as any chores and so on, I would still do it as if "nothing happened". You see what I'm getting at, it's like a state of limbo. She is confused because you are not attacking her, she's lonely, she's feeling guilty, and it's driving her crazy how you are so in control, ice cold about it. She wants you to come apart and cry, throw lawn chairs, that would be what she can work with. But you don't give her that, you're self sufficient and headstrong, can't be shamed, can't be provoked, can't be gas lighted.

Eventually you'll get a sense of what you need to do. If you can stick these TRP-like ways of working through it, then after the dust settles you're in a good spot to either lord it over the wife as the man whose fortitude scares her, or if you split up, then you get to do that more on your terms, more thought out instead of forced by circumstance.