Giving A Fuck

bogeyd6 · 2017-07-11T00:17:08+00:00

Finally, someone posting the real talk.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-07-11T06:38:38+00:00

Good stuff!! Love it, best thing I have read in here for ages. Set boundaries and punish bad behaviour. It is not hard. That is not being an asshole, it is being the boss. Nothing wrong with a bit of verbal pimp hand in a relationship. A relationship where there is no verbal pimp hand from the dude almost certainly means it is her who has the pimp hand.

Persaeus · 2017-07-11T12:47:48+00:00

i have said this to you before; and i will saying it again, but i think your approach is too direct or too "real talk" as bogey phrases it for this "boundary".

i only use "real talk" for logistics and things with actual consequences. as an example, i got a second therapist for daughter recently. wife wanted to bitch about it and second guess the decision. i let her vent for about a minute, and then told her the decision was made and she needed to stop talking and do something productive (i.e. the polite version of STFU). she was mad as hell, didn't talk to me for rest of the night which IDGAF about and took it as the gift it was; and was on the dick the next morning.

the problem with real talk in this situation is that it primarily communicates that she hurt your feelz by calling you out in public. there is also the very real problem with

or else

or else what? you're going to punch her in the mouth, walk out the door. i'm 100% with DW, fuck the warning just go straight to "what" comes after or else. "jeez Marsha, cunt much" whatever equivalent verbal you want to use to the punch her in the mouth. the fact that just delivered the pimp hand really communicates you DGAF about other reactions, and more importantly show her you DGAF about her finding the door which is really the "or else".

Don't be afraid to ruffle a few feathers to get what you want.

I agree 100%, but

I'm very fun and aloof...except when one of my top boundaries has been crossed

Never break frame even when a boundary is crossed. Frame is supposed to be who you are and it unbreakable. Have fun while aloofly delivering the pimp slap.

bogeyd6 · 2017-07-11T01:24:27+00:00

I'm with DentyneWhite here. Try something playful or drama-inducing like AA or AM. There's a reason they are recommended.

Only thing I see here is you showed everyone you have thin skin and get b u t t h u r t over some minor sink bullshit when a woman waggles her tongue. AA and play with it or AM because it's below you.

And yeah, what you imagine the guys were thinking is pure fantasy. They were either turned on by the potential for an impending public dramafest trainwreck or surfing the fremdschamen.

see also

InChargeMan · 2017-07-11T02:53:25+00:00

I personally hate when women use "the public" as leverage when they are being manipulative. I used to be susceptible to that attack, where she would fly off the handle in public and I'd try to appease her to get her to stop making a scene. Totally shitty, especially when you aren't the "making a scene" type.

The last time that happened was over 10 years ago. I vowed to myself that it would be the last time, and made changes to be sure of it. Just thinking about it still makes my blood boil.

Side-note: The other day she tried a fresh tactic during a disagreement (not an argument, I wasn't arguing, I was there to discuss a disagreement like an adult.) She started raising her voice, speaking more disrespectful. I told her calmly that I would like to continue this discussion, but her disrespectful attitude has no place here. She responded "Well...don't act like you are so much better just because you are being calm, I'm just an emotional person. It doesn't make you better." Basically trying to disarm my cool demeanor, trying to say that it is equivalent to her attitude. Usually when women are wrong they try to goad you into getting heated so they can flip it on you and show that you are at least as bad as her, if not worse. In this case she went the other way and tried to invalidate the entire concept that adults discuss maters calmly and with facts.

It caught me off guard a bit. I just defaulted to a "da fuq you say?" face and walked out. Later she resumed the conversation in a proper tone, we never discussed the past indiscretions. She isn't good at apologizing (verbally), but that is fine, remember, she is just an older kid, they know they were out of line, and I don't sit around waiting for my kids to come apologize. Correcting behavior is the goal, not some words.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-07-11T16:59:44+00:00

I almost think this needs to be on the sidebar. We see this SO much and I think it is the number one fuck up.

DNGAF means you don't care about the small stuff like TFB (typical female behavior).

Sometimes you DO GAF!!!!!

DNGAF does NOT mean that you clam up like an autistic retard although for some of these guys that is unkind and unflattering to the autists and the retards.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2017-07-11T02:37:04+00:00

There are different ways to handle each situation while still maintaining frame. Maybe your way works for you. You know your wife.

I think there is a balance there. I would rather make a joke that puts the chick in her place while keeping things light. Especially if I've got buddies over because if confrontations emerge, nobody is having fun anymore.

Plus chicks dig wit and humor. My wife responds better to a sarcastic or off color remark that let's her know she is over the line but I'm not really bothered by it. However, she can play off it in a way that does not cause her to lose face in front of my friends. That's important to me because one of the reasons she is MY wife is she is a quality woman and everyone else should see that.

Degrading her or putting her down, when there are better ways to address the situation, is a poor reflection on me too. It shows I didn't choose well. Plus, my wife usually goes absolutely nuts on me later when the company leaves. And I mean in a "shove your dick inside me now" way.

Regardless, you do you. 👍

drty_pr · 2017-07-11T12:41:13+00:00

So lets do a little mind exersize

she says something mean and degrading.

you come back with :

I simply said in friendly, stoic, matter-of-fact way "You will not berate me in front of company like that or else", then hold the stare.

"Or else what, Drty?"

how does the rest of it go?

ReddJive · 2017-07-11T01:53:48+00:00

I agree.

Being a man of options is not only always having something to do but also making sure those around you know that they can be changed out.

screechhater · 2017-07-11T03:28:38+00:00

Timing is everything

Without it, you are stuck in a vortex of struggle, pushing the boundaries of whose frame are you in today. Don't be that guy

Humor and in all seriousness, solid frame boundary setting tones are interchangeable correctly implemented. However, nothing gets implied faster than a properly timed response that you dictate the tone and veracity of inflection in your voice

From the perspective of a man in solid frame, "Seek pity on those not properly armed to verbally joust...."

IDGAF vs GAF know your boundaries and when to enforce, deciding if the time is ripe for a teaching or learning lesson for the victim

edit:

My comments on the associated post is pushed in and out of context and what if and what not' s I used the opportunity @ hand to teach our children that many people say things, running off at their mouth, without thinking too deeply. You can either explode and be butt hurt or control the situation, by diffusing it with some humor. No matter the outcome, your thoughts need to be crystal clear and your words need to be eloquent and spot on. Thermonuclear reactions leave little room for the winner or the loser

Love8Death · 2017-07-11T22:45:44+00:00

No one's asked I don't think, Why are you doing dishes at all?

IamNotaBeeOK · 2017-07-12T21:37:40+00:00

I prefer to explain myself to the guests about how much of a hard worker I am and how the sink really isn't my job, then proceed to wack off in the bathroom later that night while she bored in bed on her phone.

drty_pr · 2017-07-11T00:33:49+00:00

I dunno bro.

You certainly have niceguy game beat here. I get that you arent afraid to ruffel feathers and that goes some way

Your way is too warlike and non tingle inducing. Believe me, Ive been running asshole game a loooong time and here is a crucial difference:

Caring Asshole vs Uncaring Asshole

Caring Asshole reacts and he does so out of some kind of investment in the situation. Uncaring Asshole is dark triad motherfucker who has a lock on Aloofness. Yes, ALOOFNESS, it is the hamster cocaine that drenches panties.

Why didnt you wash the dishes?

Pick one for the win, all are asshole things to say:

1) Fuck you

2) You wont speak to me that way

3) My phone blew up with tinder matches. Did you know your kid sister is on there?

resolutions316 · 2017-07-11T13:26:49+00:00

This is the next level for me, the thing I still openly struggle and am uncomfortable with.

I'm good at STFU. I've upped my SMV and own my shit.

But I only venture into this territory when I lose my temper. I find it so difficult to do when I'm in control - my internal hamster immediately starts arguing the other side.

Robert Greene talks about this in Iron John - "the naive man." The moment he is slapped, he is already turning the other cheek, without ever acknowledging that the slap took place at all.

Really good post.

Wel108 · 2017-07-14T15:21:06+00:00

We all have what works for us, and more importantly I believe every woman is different. Some more dominant, that like to be put in their place. Some more fun that just like the aloof guy. Every dynamic is different. You need to be true to who you are, and if you chose correctly, your SO follows and respects it. You can't follow a rule book on correct responses. That leads to insecurity and uncertainty in your responses and your frame.

If you're dominant, you're dominant. Find one that responds well to that.

ilfj · 2017-07-16T01:09:10+00:00

I remind her by saying "Don't talk something that you're ass cannot handle".

Title	Giving A Fuck
Author	drty_pr
Upvotes	44
Comments	51
Date	July 10, 2017 11:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6mi80f/giving_a_fuck/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/giving-a-fuck.198651 https://theredarchive.com/post/198651