Context: My 1yo was at the tail end of a teething episode and needed to be re-sleep-trained. Another kid was midway through a bout of some kind of infection and waking up multiple times during the night. Difficult kids coupled with overtime for me at work and home life, while bearable, was in survival mode for the past few days.

Two nights ago: I was actively gaming my wife throughout the day but received a preemptive "no" to sex in the evening before I even initiated. I backed off given everything going on and redirected my attention to a couple projects.

Last night: Everyone seemed to be mostly back to normal and it was looking like we were actually going to have a decent night's sleep. The Mrs. floated the idea about watching a movie but I was focused on making headway with my projects. I still had another hour or so of work by the time she was getting ready for bed, but paused to make myself some tea and help her apply some back pain ointment. Waiting for my tea to brew, the following exchange took place:

Me - Listen, I would like to spoon for a few minutes before getting back to work.

Her - That'd be nice.

Me - But I want to be clear that it's just spooning...no sex. Whatsoever.

Her - (laughing) No problem!

Me - I'm serious! Don't get ideas about any funny business.

Her - (smiling big) Oh I won't.

Me - I don't care if you flex your sexy butt cheeks or tear off your pants and mine and press your naked ass against my naked crotch...no. sex. Got it?

Her - (still amused) Ok then. We'll see.

Me - None of this "we'll see"...just spooning.

(spooning ensues, we both keep it PG)

Me - (after 5-10mins) Alright, my tea should be ready and I better get back to work. (start to leave)

Her - (relaxed and slightly fading) Wait, don't you want to have sex?

Me - Hey, I told you, just spooning. Besides, you're clearly tired.

Her - Well, I...

Me - Oh if you insist!

It didn't take much foreplay as she was already wet and things progressed quickly to full-on caveman. Towards the end of it, I was concerned she was going to wake the kids (rare for her).

Take-aways:

  • Game often, but know when to rein it in.
  • Own your shit. I could've easily ditched my work for the movie, but then I'd be getting fucked twice, and not in any tangible way (once for procrastination and again for emotional sex).
  • Outcome Independence. I was fully prepared to let her drift off to sleep after spooning. In fact, the spooning wasn't a ploy to softer her defenses, I just decided to have some fun with the game and her hamster did the rest for me.