I'm in a 7 year LTR, and own a house with my fiancé. One thing I noticed, in the last 7 years, is that the holidays would often leave me feeling more tired coming out than going in. In my field, no one works from the last Friday before the 25th until the 3rd or 4th of January.

Each year, I have acquiesced to use this time to visit our families and do events, usually 6-7 over 10 days, the lions share being events with her non-immediate family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc).

This year, I got promoted, more responsibility and stress at work, and took on the renovation of a house we purchased together. I am hitting the holidays with my fatigue at an all-time high.

I started thinking about all these events and it just made my stomach turn. So I told my girl, I am attending one event for her family, one for mine, and the rest of the holidays, I am in recovery mode. She can pick the event, but that's the only one she is getting. I am not interested in seeing her aunts and uncles and cousins that, quite frankly, don't add anything to my life. I see them once a year, and then? So why would I give my precious rest time to these people? That time is being repatriated and given to numero uno, me. In addition, I told her she can go to the other ones without me, but my recommendation for her was to rest as well, so she could be a better First mate for me in 2017.

What was her reaction? To me, her reaction would tell me just how "on board" she was as my FM. If she gets bitchy, it means she hasn't fully understood that those non-immediate members are not her family any more, I am her family.

Well, she was initially disappointed, but since then, she has truly embraced the idea. In fact, she told me she was actually kinda relieved to get some rest herself, and that she was happy I made this decision... which I had initially made selfishly and out self-preservation ( I don't mean to sound negative here, I have no issues being selfish, I think it is an admirable trait in some ways ). In fact, the "frame" I set there basically allowed her to be honest with herself about how much she was sacrificing for little to no benefit.

I noticed in fact, that when I make these types of decisions, she often is relieved someone else is making a difficult decision for her. Even if she disagrees with the decision. In other words, a woman loves following a leader more than she hates following "unpopular" decisions of the same leader.

Be sure to stake out a bit of time for yourselves, boys. The Captain needs rest too. Happy holidays everyone.