Men who are working to improve themselves and thus improve their marriages, imagine with me for a moment...
You are with a group of other men, mountain men, ones who have trained their bodies and minds for hardship. You have embarked on a mountain climb. You too have trained, and as the going gets tough and the grade steepens, you dig deep into the strength and knowledge you have learned through trial and error. You encourage those around you, laugh when you can, and don't say a damn word about those thoughts you're fighting... I can't keep doing this for much longer... I'm not as strong as these guys... Damn it this hurts...
You learn your body's limits, responses, and feedback, and utilize that information to best propel you up the mountain. All the reading in the world didn't prepare you for the actual climb, and no other man could tell you how it was going to feel, because your body is your own. Step by step you push through your body's resistance to discomfort, as do the men around you who, by entering into this affliction willingly and together have become your friends and brothers. In solidarity and silence you gain strength from the strength of those in front of and behind you.
You finally reach a small summit, and you revel in the glory of the accomplishment. The main peak still awaits, but this is a chance for a much needed respite and check in with the other guys.
Then softly...
A helicopter's blades are heard in the distance.
Gradually the sound gets louder and louder, until the bird appears in the distance. It is approaching your very mountain top, disrupting the peace and majesty of your views.
As it loudly hovers over you, a rope drops and a man descends. He wants to take a survey of your collective experiences so he can write a book about mountain climbing. He says he once tried the climb himself, but admitted he was not strong enough. But he is convinced, like a well-meaning salesman, that the book - really just a short collection of bullet point wisdom - will help him finally complete the route you all are currently fighting through. Then he has the fucking audacity to ask to join your band.
His name?
u/fiddel_fabulous.
I have believed this since childhood, but never actually lived it until about a year and a half ago: challenges and pain will make me stronger than I ever would be if I had it easy. Embrace the pain, because it will make your stronger. As others have said, embrace the suck.
Many "men" (and I was one of them) absolutely refuse to challenge themselves, to accomplish something under their own power, to step outside of their comfort zone. Therefore, they remain weak, ineffective, and pathetic. Pretty pond boats while the giant movers are traversing the world over.
Only by plowing through our own, personal, unique struggle can we improve.
So let's assume some chump makes a cheat sheet. Let's see how that would play out.
Scenario A: Husband gets home from a long day at work, the wife is not in a good mood. She snaps at him to not leave his shoes in the entry, she just cleaned it. Aha, he thinks, I have the perfect answer for this; I've memorized all the best lines from that cheat sheet on MRP. So he delivers this cheesy, rehearsed line with all the gusto of a freshman in college, but instead of morphing into a purring sex kitten, she is incited. It did not work! She is even more tiffed now. But the lines... they were so perfect...
Scanario B: In another part of the world, another man delivers the same lines, word for word, with the same no-bullshit tone, and the wife realizes that she's just in a funk, and apologizes, and yes, turns into a purring sex kitten.
Why the difference? The second man has tried his hand at the cheesy lines, and failed miserably. He, the successful one, has over-thought, over-spoken, over-compensated, over-stepped, over-controlled, and generally botched a good majority of his attempts at becoming a better man. He has adjusted, tweaked, and altered his message to fit his voice, personality, relationship style, and desired image.
The point is this:
There is a moment... one that I have come to cherish... right at the point when I have failed, when I resolve to learn and try again. Its the moment when I have no ego, because if I did it would be in ruins. Its the moment I own my shit. Its the moment I get just a little bit better. It the only time I actually grow.
If you never are in pain, you never experience these moments.
Those are the moments you cannot get from a cheat sheet. So many men I know in real life suffer from analysis paralysis. They read about all the things they would like to do, such as getting fit. They study the best workouts, know all the muscle groups. But I have no respect for them until they actually step foot in the gym and pick up a barbell. The pain of lifting = the growth of muscles. It happens in no other setting.
No tag alongs. We despise your disrespectful appropriation of our knowledge. Yes, I'm righteously angry.
You do the work or you can get lost. Which you probably will. Again.
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