TL;DR: life's sweet and sour.

Hi,

this is a second post in my series of post-divorce perspective. Will there be more of those? Maybe, maybe not. Read on!

What has changed:

  • finances: improved. I pay big alimony but actually I find this the best thing that happened to me in the recent years - I finally have a stimulus to reach for bigger riches, which I am able to.

  • physical: improved. I am not sure what is the effect of "pussy whipping" on testosterone levels, but I start to look ripped as fuck. Honestly, I did not change anything about my diet and I have great gains and it has only been 1.5 months. Perhaps something with T-levels. Or, maybe the solution is simpler - my new home is booze-free (like my previous one) and SUGAR FREE. When I want to eat more (it's called "refeeding", gents, not "cheat day" :)) the most caloric food I have available is tuna in oil (in small, 80 g tins). I usually have many vegetables available, some diary, trace amounts of fruit. NO FUCKING FRUCTOSE. FUCK FRUCTOSE, FUCK THAT SHIT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgTlFFWMNy0

  • sex life: this is how my biggest problem with my sex life looks like: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4lesnm/home_advice_towels_showers_plates/ . Read that fucking book if you haven't already (and thank /u/BluepillProfessor who found this fucking gem): https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Female-Psychology-Man-ebook/dp/B00RR6RNO6

  • housekeeping, cooking, dieting: piece of cake and I haven't yet asked any housemaids for help (and I mean real, paid house maids).

  • kids: I handle them better than I thought I would. I have no problems with handling 8, 6 and 1.5 yr old boys.

So, EAB, should I divorce?

Fucking NO.

Read sidebar, start lifting, start MAP, improve, do everything you can to take her with you.

DO NOT DIVORCE UNLESS THERE IS NO IMPROVEMENT ON HER SIDE.

Here's why .

This is the last time I am discussing ex-wife on TRP forums. This is the last time I am validating myself in front of you as the SANE one. This is the last information, last takeaway from my situation, that MRP needs. Let's enter HER frame for a moment.

Ex wife started drinking, smoking, has a new guy. U JELLY EAB? Not exactly. Read on.

I moved out 1.5 months ago.

She knows "new guy" for about 3-4 weeks or so.

She already invited him to a family birthday party for my youngest one.

She took my oldest son to hairdresser and my oldest haircut is very similar to that of the new guys.

When I was living in my flat, this was alcohol free. Now I hear kids telling me "we were locked in our room and we heard people and mommy screamed something along "fuck", "awesome" and we know those people were aunt X and uncle Y but we heard another man and we don't know who it was and mother when asked next day told us there was nobody there".

She lies to the kids, keeps her face straight. They noticed she is... different. Just like I did.

Basing on strange changes about her look and the way she behaves I think she abuses alcohol, I know she smokes, perhaps some drugs, perhaps she is on some psychiatric drugs, but guess what - Shari Schreiber already covered that in one of her many articles, that the look of borderlines changes when the relationship ends. That was just one paragraph in her articles, but it resonated with me.

"New guy" is a divorced man, with 2 boys from past marriage. My kids told me he brought her flowers and a box of chocolates for them (not that I asked them about this). Well, who's taking care of single mother (and plans to meet her kids)? Who plans a relationship with a batshit crazy ex-wife of an addict with 3 kids, around 35 yr old? Who buys her gifts? What kind of woman introduces a new man to her kids after 3 or 4 weeks of courtship?

This is why I won't discuss her any more here. Everything starts to fit. This situation is no longer unique, I am no longer screaming "guys, guys, was that really what I saw?". I know what the fuck I saw. And it doesn't look good. But the books describe it well.

There was already such pattern of such behavior in her family.

That woman finally left her kid at grandparents and left the country. Years ago.

I think we're heading there.

Owning my shit

This is the woman I chose for the mother of my kids while I was during a long period of very heavy alcohol, food and cigarettes abuse in my life.

Now I focus on comforting my kid.

I bought them cell phone and told them they can call me in case anything strange is going on at home.

I am reading the shit out of the various books and Schreiber's website.

There is more, but that's not the point. I explain to the oldest one the situation and what I know.

Kids love spending time with me.

I focus on keeping frame. On keeping calm. On keeping the FUCKING calm.

As for ex wife, I am no longer dealing with a human being. I am dealing with psychosis.

I am dealing with an evil, that was passed generation through generation.

I'm likely to loose, but I'm not giving up easily.

The deal is, I am not sure, when it comes to her - what is real and what is not. What is manipulation to get me angry and what is her real life, real need. But this does not really matter.

I went LOW CONTACT with her already.

I treat her as an adult.

I respect her decisions.

This is my implementation of tough love.

I let my kids experience how does a flat of an alpha look like and how does a house of drunk BPD woman looks like.

This is my choice.

This is not "oh fuck you have a court order". No, gents. I can do everything I want. I could plan kidnapping of my own kids and start living somewhere else, why not? Alpha enough for you, internet pussies?

But I'm not going to do this.

I'm going to let the life sort out itself.

It will, eventually.

MRP TAKEAWAY:

  • get rid of sugar (and/or alcohol) in your house; discuss with wife and throw it all out, weight problems solved

  • do not divorce unless the situation is clear,

  • make sure your name is on the lease, never share anything you own with a woman, have a prenup, don't marry,

  • lift,

  • read sidebar,

  • act.