When I started my MAP, I did a LOT of introspection, as do most of us. My married relationship was pathetic, but my career was exploding (in the good kind of way). How could this be? How could I be so effective in my career (to make those sweet Bux) but be such a Beta chump that I couldn’t get sex from the woman who helped me spend that money? I was the common denominator in both facets; a canon of MRP is “You are the problem. Fix Yourself” so I took the proverbial step back and looked at my contributions to the two sides of my life with an engineering mindset.

Am I / Do I	In My Job	In My BP Married Relationship	In My RP Married Relationship
Successful?	Yes	No	Getting There
Constantly and consistently bust my ass?	Yes	No	Yes
Bring indispensable value?	Yes	No	Yes
Know my value?	Yes	No	Yes
Sufficiently Compensated?	Yes	No	Getting There
Willing to walk away for a better offer?	Yes	No	Yes

Well there’s the problem! Let’s talk about each of these elements:

Busting My Ass

In my job, I do everything in my control that needs to be done to ensure the successful completion of a project; I put in the hours, the effort, and the passion. I take control of more things just so I can ensure they get done. I learn new skills in a constant state of improvement. This improvement is mine and I do it for myself.

If something doesn’t work the first time, I do it again without hesitation. I hold my team to the same standard. Even though I frequently delegate, I am able and willing to do the job of anyone on my team. If a coworker ever whines about something not being “their job”, I’ve been known to wordlessly do that thing, right there in front of them, usually looking them in the eye, then go right back to handling my own responsibilities.

During my plugged-in existence in my marriage, I did fuck-all for self-improvement; I didn’t lift, much less exercise. I procrastinated house maintenance and generally tried to do as little work as possible. I lounged around and felt entitled to sex. Since then, I’ve crushed the weights, sharpened my style, have my house, yard, and vehicles in top shape, and I do the chores as if I were single. I can honestly say I bust my ass, and I like it!

Bring Indispensable Value

I am the recognized subject-matter-expert in multiple areas at my current company. I became the SME by repeatedly demonstrating competence of execution and correct judgement. Besides that, I get calls a couple times per month to answer a question on a product or project I produced while working a previous job. I get calls from machine shops to interpret drawings done by other companies! One could say that this is value that I’m giving away for free, but I see it as an investment in my professional network.

I'm a cool cucumber when shit hits the fan.

In my BP marriage, I thought bringing home a salary (the equivalent of just showing up as an adult) was enough. Well, everybody’s money is green and mine came with the burden of covert contracts. While not completely value-less with respect to basic-needs, money is nothing special. Also remember, the law says she can have your monetary value without your presence. The valuable contributions you make to be indispensable must be intrinsic.

Now I lead my family on adventures, I have hobbies, and I’m building a broad social circle. I’m a woodsman, a marksman, a mechanic, a musician, an oyster and whiskey connoisseur, and all around interesting motherfucker. I’m teaching my sons to be the same way. I can dance my boots off in a country bar. More and more, I’m becoming The Oak in my marriage and the Alpha my bedroom. I would date the shit out of me.

Know My Value

At the beginning of my career, my mentor gave me some advice which I followed: Always keep your suit clean, your resume up to date, and every year or so, go find a job posting, have an interview, and get an offer. Do it just before performance evaluation and raise time. This does two things; puts a number on your value that you can compare come raise time, and makes you think about why you choose to stay at your current job. Is it just the money? The short commute? The reputation you’ve earned? The cute secretary?

Earlier I made a specific choice of words to indicate that my mission is the success of the project, not specifically the company. I can execute a project and bring value to any company at which I work. If I got fired today, I could pick up the phone and start another job or three on Monday with someone I know. In a week, I could have an interview with a stranger. I know this because I’ve done it repeatedly (not the getting fired part...). My current company knows this because they hired me based on past performance and reputation. I know they know I know.

Before finding TRP/MRP, I had no comprehension of the concept of SMV. Sure, I knew most hot chicks got with hawt dudes, but I was married so I didn’t have to compete in the sexual market place. False.

After working my MAP for a year, I’m at Dread Level 7 and gaming lots of attractive women. Let’s call it “Being interviewed” because I’m even getting some “offers”. Knowing my value in the external sexual marketplace is effective for maintaining abundance mentality when my perceived value is trading low domestically. Eventually, my wife will also understand my SMV. Or she won’t. And I no longer care; read on…

Compensation:

At first it would seem that you get compensated with money in your job and sex in your marriage, but this isn’t really what it’s about.

As Frank Underwood said about the Lobbyist Remy Danton in House of Cards:

“Such a waste of talent. He chose money over power. In this town, a mistake nearly everyone makes. Money is the Mc-mansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn't see the difference.”

All things being equal, it’s easy to jump from job to job if the only variable in compensation is just a little more money and a different name at the bottom of the check. But if the respect shown to me in the lower-paying environment allows me to operate with autonomy, that’s a more powerful form of compensation. With power in your job, you get money without asking because your contributions are too valuable to be lost to the competition. With power in your relationship, you get sex without asking because your contributions are too valuable to be lost to the competition.

Be Willing To Leave For a Better Job (AKA Breaking Oneitis)

Every company pays you money and every girl has a pussy. Every chair keeps your butt off the ground. If my chair suddenly lost its legs, I’d get up and find another seat. If my company stopped paying me, I’d leave, simple as that. If my wife stopped having sex with me entirely, even Beta-me would have popped chocks and rolled out of there. Of course nothing is ever that simple…

I’ve had jobs that paid exceptionally well but micro-managed the shit out of me. Desiring the type of compensation I detailed above, it didn’t take much discomfort to inspire me to look elsewhere, even though the money was flowing. Each time I went to look for another job (even during my yearly value calibration), regardless of the season, there was always someone hiring. Maybe not in the city or even state that I currently lived, but there were always jobs available. Always. Not just jobs, but better jobs. [abundance mentality]

Following another gem of advice my early mentor gave me, the first thing I do when I sit down at a new job is write a letter of resignation and print it without a date or signature. I keep that in an envelope in my desk as a reminder that I only have to tolerate what I want to tolerate and walking out the door without emotion is just that easy.

Eventually, I took a job that paid average at first but showed me respect and allowed me to operate with autonomy. This company quickly realized that when they let me do my thing, they reaped increasing benefits so they adjusted my salary accordingly (industrial mate retention). This job will be hard to leave unless the status quo changes, but my LOR is in my drawer and I’m already mentally prepared to deliver it.

Examining my Beta role in my marriage, I had epic oneitis. I felt shame for even considering divorce or infidelity but yet I did nothing but whine and sulk. If this were a job, I would been trudging to work each day to punch the clock, putting in minimal effort, never getting a raise, and bitching to the bartender, while never even opening up the help-wanted section of the paper.

Establishing abundance mentality and willingness to walk away has, for me at least, taken the longest of the critical milestones on my MAP. I don’t have unsigned divorce papers in a drawer at home, but after confirming the abundance of attractive, enthusiastic alternatives during Dread Level 7, the hammer is cocked. Researching the divorce laws in my state and talking through the process with some experienced friends has mentally prepared me to squeeze the trigger.

Conclusion

How could I possibly expect my marriage to be as successful as my career? I wasn’t doing any of the things required for success! Identifying and correcting the major discrepancies between my effort and awareness levels at work and at home has made my satisfaction level at home approach that which I experience at work. It’s taken me over 12 years of conscious execution to achieve what I have in my career so I don’t expect one year of MAP-ing to produce equivalent results, but the data is undoubtedly encouraging.

Undefined problems are the hardest to solve and the most defined are the easiest. Define your critical parameters then apply to yourself the energy, skills, and attitude you’ve developed while making your career successful. Earn the respect and subsequently the power in any relationship you choose to have.

Obvious Questions

*1. Why am I choosing to stay in my marriage instead of leaving to be an “independent contractor”? Two reasons:

• Because I feel responsible for the day to day influence on my subordinates (young kids).
• Even professionally, I’ve never left a job in the middle of a project. My personal code is to see things through. The MAP is my project and observing my wife’s response is within the project’s scope.

*2. Is my personality this intense both at work and at home?

• No (well, maybe). I pull shenanigans at work all the time. Morale on my team is the envy of other groups. I’m actively working to improve my joviality at home.