Women Behaving Poorly

I recently answered a poster about an issue he had with a friend’s wife. One of the things we don’t talk about enough in MRP is ‘what’s the value proposition?’. His issue with his friend at first was straight forward to him, namely ‘my buddies wife is acting like a cunt, should I say something?’. But really my view was it came down to ‘how does this add value to my life?’

We talk about being a high value man a lot in this sub, but what does that really mean? Does it mean are you a high value man to your wife; to your friends; to yourself? Ultimately it means all of it, but it starts first with you.

I make no effort to hide the fact that my sister-in-law is a soul sucking vampire (SILSSV). She’s the epitome of what happens when a bluepill man marries a control freak entitled bitch. I actually heard her say, “I just had a baby, I should be able to sit on my ass!”, mind you she had a perfect birth with no issues. She’s tried to pull that shit on me, and I’ve told her to go fuck herself. My wife and she decided they needed to sit down and have a serious family discussion with their dad about some shit that didn’t involve them (Never underestimate a woman’s ability to cause drama when a rational approach is all that’s needed). We had gone to his house for a nice casual family dinner, so me and the BIL were in the basement family room watching a game. SILSSV comes down with all the kids in tow, and announces, “We need to have a talk with our dad, the Dad’s need to watch the kids now. Now this was a surprise to me, and I wasn’t prepared for it, so I simply told her, “yeah, that’s not going to happen,” and she stormed off in a huff (the kids weren’t having it either and followed behind her). At home, I told my wife that this was unacceptable, and if she needed to have a serious discussion, that it was a poor choice she sprung on me, it’s the kind of thing that’s best done with a plan. This kind of behavior happened all the time, where she would treat me like her husband and I would call her out on her on it.

I asked myself, “Does she add value to my life?” Sure there’s the fact that it makes my wife happy, and I can do that for her without expecting anything in return, but what do I get from the relationship that make my life better? Does that outweigh my wife’s happiness? It didn’t. I had two options, confront her, and tell her I had a problem, or cut her out of my life. So I made the decision that I would be cordial, I would be polite, but mainly I wouldn’t interact with her. As a person, she never demonstrated personal accountability so why would she now? No the best way forward was cut her out. On neutral ground I would just avoid being around her, I’d talk to other people, or go to a different room. It worked great, I was less aggravated, there was less confrontations and value was increased in my life; addition through subtraction.

Well her sister didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t paying attention to her, and goes and complains to my wife. My wife complained that I was causing friction between her and her sister. I wouldn’t fall for it and told her, “If your sister has a problem with me, that’s between her and me. Tell her to grow up and use her words, instead of drawing you into it and making you the go between.” Eventually she texts me, and I answer. There’s a lot of details not pertinent to the story but I basically told her (to her face because text is for logistics), how she behaves with her husband is her business, but if she thinks she can behave like that with me, I won’t tolerate it. I told her she was more than welcome to come to me like an adult, discuss when she feels like she’s been wronged, and I would gladly listen. I also told her I’m free to disagree with her, and she has to accept that. So the end results of all this is? I barely talk to her and we hardly interact with them anymore. I guess she couldn’t accept my terms? Mission accomplished.

In the end my life was improved. I gave my wife comfort by trying to improve relations with the in-laws, and cut out a drain on my life. If this woman wasn’t my SILSSV I would have cut her out clean and never looked back.

Rational Decision Making

So we come back to the question, what’s a high value man? High value to whom? The only real answer is be high value to yourself.

In the example here, I only made decisions on how it added to my life. In the past I tried to maintain a good relationship with my SILSSV, to keep peace with the wife (maybe a covert contract?), but I could never hit the target because it was constantly moving and unequal. I was trying to keep everyone but myself happy, and failing in doing so.

So I posted to the guys question about his friends wife, to paraphrase does telling him add value to your life?. That’s the real question you need to ask about any decision.

Rational Decision Making

“Does my wife add value to my life”. This could be from a multitude of things. Is she sexually intimate with you? Does she meet your need for physical intimacy? Does she help with the workload? Does she meet the balance of workload you discussed?

“If I stay in this job does it fulfill my mission?”

“If I keep him as a friend does he add more than he subtracts?”

“If I add an extra workout, is that worth more than the things I give up?”

“Can I be an involved Dad and still travel a lot?”

“Can I raise my kids better as a single Dad or I’m I better off in a sexless marriage?”

All the questions we ask are about value proposition. This goes especially to new guys here. I see so many guys making poor value decisions because of past history or the like. “She’s a good woman and great mom, and we have so much history. She’s a crack-whore and she’s been fighting it for a while, but I think she has it almost licked! How can I get my wife to stop sucking dick for rock?” In this case to the casual observer the value she adds clearly is outweighed by what she takes.

New guys especially need to internalize the value proposition question. I call myself an Engineer and that’s true, but I happen to have a second degree in economics and an MBA. I’m in sales and engineering so finance is integral to my job. That’s added a lot of utility in my life, because like it or not everything can be boiled down to an economics decision. I’m analytical as an engineer and both have given me the ability to see, “What’s the opportunity cost? What else could I invest in and get a better return? Does the return outweigh the investment?”

In my personal life, I spent a long time ignoring these principals and being a romantic. I swallowed the redpill when I finally asked, “Am I maximizing my investment for the returns I’m getting?” I was a classic example of irrational decision in the place of rational opportunities.

So new guys and experienced practitioners take a day to do a mental exercise, every decision you need to make or possible confrontation you need to do ask the simple question, “How do I improve value by doing this; entering into this discussion?” Take emotion, past history and past investment out of the equation. Ask yourself ‘am I doing this out of loyalty, tradition, sunk costs and the like?’. First make the decision on how you would do it on gut instinct, then step back and go through the thought exercise. Do you come to the same conclusion? Ask yourself “would I offer the same advice to my son/daughter/wife?” Once you’ve truly internalize what value is, these should be the same answer.

So when we say a guy is a high-value man, we mean it to mean a guy who has done everything he can to maximize the return on investment on himself. Be it monetary, physical or emotional investment. Women don’t recognize it as being rational or anything like that. What they recognize is a man with a strong purpose, a man who is a leader with ideals and that’s what make the ‘gina-tingles.